this go down 2 kg go up 3 kg roll I've been on all my life is disgusting. So I'm here for 8 days and I've gone up 2 kgs upt to 78kg again. And everything is tight again and I have nothing to wear to this wedding that I have which I would rather not have to go to  but I have.  and I feel really bad because I'm here for 8 days, i still have another 8 days to go and I feel like I want to be in LUxembourg and then maybe come for the other 8 days in 2 weeks time.  So I feel like a really bad daughter/sister, whatever, because I want to leave even though everyoen has been extra great to me. 

I have gained the 2kg back!!! And I'm not surprised in that this week has been full of food and I practically snapped my mother's head off because their diet here is carbohydrate and fat full in such an amazing way and then I feel really bad because it feels like I'm this snotty know it all now who thinks this is below her and who is pretty much an ungrateful bitch because after all everyone just wants to make her feel welcome., So I get the 'come for lasagna' message at 8pm to eat for 9pm and sure, I can say no, but I know my sister-in-law would be upset if I did . So I'm eating lasagna at 9pm and my father brings puff pastry cheesecakes in the morning and I eat them both cause they are hideously great tasting  apart from even more hideously fattening and because I know he brought them for me. 

And I went to the shops yesterday to try and find something for the wedding and everything was tight - and tehre is no worse feeling, diet wise obviously, then getting a size, have the salesgirl tell you that you probably need a size up, go try it on and find that not only the salesgirl is right but you are pretty sure not even the next size up would fit and then have to do the walk of shame back to the smug stick thin perfectly made up salesgirl who I want to choke but is actually a lovely girl doing her job which in an even worse way, makes me hate her more - or the principle of her anyway.

So, yes, I AM A BITCH.  And the clothes that I liked are so expensive - like a 350 Euro plus siut and that is without having bought the shoes, handbag and rented the stupid hat because this is a morning wedding and irrespective of my mood today, I hate morning weddings.  Now I am making some serious money, not rich but by Maltese standards I'm getting a great wage and even I would not go for these 350 plus things.  But apparently there are Maltese that do somaybe there are much more Maltese people raking it in than I think.

78kg, everything tight. I put on a few things I had which I never wore becuse they were too tight. They used to fit in a pornographic way and they are there for when I would maybe finally lose those 5kg that would make a difference and which I might keep off for 5 days.  but that was way back when my thin weight was 65kg and my fat weight was 70kg. Now I'M FREAKING 78KG.

 

I have to go study now.  I wish I was back to work tomorrow. I'm such a bitch. Have a great sunday.

tired and it's still only 07:35 and I've just woke up.  I'm studying a lot for tomorrow's exam and I did most of it on the computer these three days and my eyes are really suffering. Today I just came in to check emails and post and Im' not opening up the computer again until tomorrow, or maybe this evening to check on emails - I will study on books and printed material.

Not doing well on my food- eating somuch - everywhere I go everyone g ives me food and I find that I'm much better and tracking what I eat when I'm on my own.  I think I have gained a kg and I still need to buy the dress for Sunday's week wedding.

Not helping my eye computer thing is my obsession with The Office US episodes right now - downloading them and watching them continuously - it just makes me laugh so I use the episodes to buffer study time.  But my eyes are hurting way too much

 

another news - I passed the horrible interview/oral exam I had!!! So now I'm bound to become a permanent EU official in the next few months as opposed to being on the 18 month renewable once to 3yrs contract.   It will open possibilities for me and it means I can stay on with the EU as much as I want instead of being bound by time. Mum obviously did not like it cause she said - oh so you're staying there forever!!! - which is not the case I think - forever is a big word - and I am coming to Malta fairly often - and mum is coming to visit in two months by which time I would have come here another three times for short visits.  Apparently everyone passed which would make me passing make sense because it was my worst interview ever!!!!

Have a good day everyone. XXX

not good - hit the 76kg mark again - pretty miffed about it although I had a couple of slips this week  and did not exercise as much in terms of walking  - also this  is before my 2.5weeks in Malta where I know I will be fed and fed and fed by all those around me.  I want to make a target for under 75kg even if it's just 74.9kg - for the weighin after the Malta time - I will weigh in in Malta but they will not be the same scales and that will maek a difference - so while I will monitor my weight in these 2.5 weeks - my next inputted weigh-in will be on Friday 29th May. 

the bad news today could also be because I ate a nice pizza yesterday with the girls from work but to my credit drank only water, although everybody did, and did not eat the tiramisu the place is famous for and the others did order that.  Just packed and will be leaving for Malta in 2 hours and a half to start my very long journey with 2 coaches of 2 hrs each to just get to the airport from where I have to catch my 2.5 hr flight to Malta - with luck I should land at 10pm, barring delays and other inconveniences.  that's all for now- have a great friday.

tomorrow - am not expecting anything except maintaining since I slipped two days ago before sleeping - I got so nervous thinking about the stupid interview which looks always more like a car crash happening in slow motion when I think about it that I ate a 150g packet of belgian biscuits - on the plus side - was back on tract yesterday and will try to be good today although I am going out to eat this evening.  Will try to stay away from the pasta and pizza the place is famous for also because yesterday I took a plate of pasta so my quota for the week has been filled.

I'm off to my French lesson this morning and then I go to work - tomorrow I go back to Malta - hip hip hurray - for a total of 17 days!!!!  Really happy about that also because in view of the special exam leave, hols that happen within this time and the 3 weekends - these 17 days will only 'cost' me 5 annual leave days.  Tomorrow is weigh in and I'll log on again, then the struggle is to stay on track in Malta - it's always much more difficult there than here.

and a grey one at that - am at work - quite relaxed today although I might get some documents in - still, I'm off as from Friday for 17 days so I might in fact not get any new work until then - which would give me some time to study for my exams - I really want to do well in these exam to make up for the interview fiasco. The more I think about it as the days go by, the more I am convinced I failed - it was a combination of things I guess and I do assume my responsibilities in the failure, not that I did not invest time and effort in its preparation but I was misled in my preparation and prepared the wrong things. The thing is when I remove myself from the situation and I put myself in the panel board's shoes,  I'm pretty sure I would fail me - can you understand what I mean?

Not doing badly in food - yesterday I really wanted things to munch on while studying although to be fair I only studied for very little because I saw the film Australia - the last half - and an episode of Desperate Housewives - and yes, I studied for an hour - shame on me - I have just said that I wanted to do well in my exams next week. Today I'll do better.  But yesterday I could have murdered chocolate tonibble on - but didn't - Yesterday I also walked to work, today I did not  - because of the weather and because I didn't feel like it - I will most definitly not walk it to the flat from work as after work I always really like to just get there and today I need to iron some clothes and STUDY!!!  Also should be going to eat at the best EU canteen here - we'll see how  I handle that  - I saw the photos from EuroDisney - not that I took much - I should have taken more and I'm sorry I didn't - but I can see that my figure has improved these last three weeks and that motivates me. Here are some pics from Eurodisney - you won't see me in them - it's not that I don't want to - but I really do not was to be identified by anyone I do not want to be identified by. 

Well, somehow I can't manage to put pics in the blog so I'll put the three pictures in the album.

that is the only way I can describe this really great weekend at Eurodisney and Walt Disney studio in Paris and the timing couldn't have been better after the bad work interview I had on Thursday. I enjoyed it thoroughly - diet wise - not too good, not too bad - sort of status quo but we sure walked a lot and I feel we burnt what we ate.  what a great place to go to and enjoy while for a couple of days forgetting what ails you and the world.

weather was nto too bad either - sort of like my eating - not great not bad - i'm tired now although I need to study a bit today - with the bad interview I had, my plan B in life has become plan A and it is vital that I pass these exams and get this computing diploma - cause it might have to come in handy in the future - and I'm really looking forward towards going back to Malta for 2 weeks on Friday. Hope you all had a great weekend.

down this week - happy with that - can realy feel  it in my clothes and that is what I'm mostly happy with.  I ws going through my weight history this last year and I was 75kg in August then I justgot heavier. this time last year I was hovering between 72kg and75kg with 75kg being the 'heavy weight' - since then I have touched and unlogged  79kg - amazing how now I'm having at seeing 75 again and the upper end of that actually.  I was mortified to see that number way back last year.

Off to Euro Disney in the afternoon - need to go to work this morning to get my mobile chargers - I have two - a LUx one and a Malta one - I kept the Maltese mobile because everyone in Malta has that numnber and I can send free smses through the internet and I use it when I'mi n Malta anyway.  I never thought I would be a person with two mobiles,. The interview disappointment has gone a bit and I want to now focus on my diploma exams.  Have to go to catch the bus because since today is a holiday - buses are really far between. Have a great weekend everyone - pray for the influenza A/H1N1 victims and for the containment of this influenza as it is really spreading fast at the pandemic warning is up to 5 - 6 is the highest - let's hope we don't get there although the indications are that we will. I just want to be in Malta when in does and that is a week away - I want to be with family.

Happy weekend and stay strong.

Just came back from Brussels and the interview - must say it was not a positive experience and I give my chances 50% but I had studied so much and for nothing. At the end of the 45 mins they said it's over and I said - oh, that went by fast - when inside I was saying - OMG let me out of here!!!!  Should know results by June but even if I pass - it is not an experience I want to go through again - and this is from someone who usually really nails it in interviews.

Food wise I'm doing very well - weigh in tomorrow - I hope I see a loss - but feeling good - exercise wise did not do much also because I was not here these two days. Tomorrow I'm off to Eurodisney, Paris - concerned about the novel flu - such a terrible time for all humanity - I do feel for those already effected and I do feel this will get much worse before it gets better.

Not much more to add - watch my weigh-in tomorrow. XXX