so i should  be going to holland this evening.  no-one will pick me up at teh airport and there won't even be anyone at the hotel since they have an outing - a bit miffed at this since I'm going today and not yesterday because of someone else's mistake and stupidity but anyway, so it is. Headache still on, hoping freezing cold dutch air clears the air in my head and that sore throat behaves.  not much i can do about it - fully intendto make the best of my 48 hours abroad.  bought some nice clothes yesterday and i'm really happy with them. not much to report - food disaster situation - i think i have gained back the little i had lost.  have a good weekend everyone

finally breathe!!! Ah the luxury - my cold is still here but receding and tomorrow I will stay in on sick leave just so that I get rid of it given that in 4 days' time I will  go abroad and I don't want to risk it.

Food wise - let's not go there - I have eaten without control - the cold did effect my eating but not in the way I would have liked - I just want to eat and since I'm feeling so miserable, I find comfort in the food.  Not going on scales neither. 

behaviour yesterday as I had dinner, though generous, but then I did not snack and munch and so felt better about it. I have a dinner this evening so will go light on lunch.  I am invited to dinner by the institute where I'm doing my diploma since I came first in one of the units at the University of London exams so, along with other award winners, we are invited to dinner with the University of London people that are here.  I thought this was very nice of them.  I was also informed that University of London has agreed that lessons are filmed for me and sent to Luxembourg during those three months I can't come here during the week. So that will be super great.

Beautiful day today - very busy - I have work of course and I have a hair appointment I've been waiting for a long time. I'm dying it reddish and cutting it a bit short - really looking forward to it.  And then I have a lecture and then I have the dinner. Will try to do good choices for food this evening as I don't have time to go swimming.

did not reign in my eating yesterday as I finished at my other brother and ate wine and garlic bread.  Today things are going better.  Only registered a 76kg this morning  - I was aiming at 75.5kg but given how I ate Sunday and Monday, I should be happy I had a .3kg at least. This morning I went swimming for 1km.  Was already tired by the 200m mark but anyway, I kept on and I swam the 1km.  Went before work.  Food so far ok.  I hope this evening I can be a good girl and just have dinner and that's it.  It is too early in the weight loss program to be slacking like this!!!! I usually start doing that at 72kg but then I usually start at 74kg so in terms of that it makes sense as I start slacking after the initial 2kg loss.  We'll see.

Yesterday I still continued to eat after posting. I went to my brother's and he had wine out and we drank and nibbled on fattening things.  I know I ate out of being upset for something.

This morning I should have weighed myself but I didn't - not because of yesterday's disaster - but because I slept at my flat where I do not have any scales. I will weigh tomorrow morning. Today I will be very good in preparation and this week I will up my swimming input. At least during the weekend I did swim a bit so that must have made up for it.

Also saw the brightest most wonderful rainbow - it went from end to end and I could see it all the way home. I wished I could just pull over and take a picture which I couldn't cause there were cars and I didn't have the camera with me. Also I would probably not have been able to fit it all on my camera.  But I will carry it in my head and heart through the week.  It was a beautiful thing to see on a Monday morning.

That is my Sunday. So I had my Overnight stay. Even though I had no spa treatments, it was still very relaxing with just reading by the pool and having this great hot bath in the really nice room I was given. The room was really nice and the bed was heavenly. As soon as I saw it I couldn't help imagining sharing it with my last (and present) love who lives abroad and is to all intents unavailable.  But i had to be content with my friend. I love her of course but even she would understand my yearning and thoughts at seeing that bed.  Then we went out, caught a late Quantum of Solace movie. Not very impressed - I guess I watch the Bond movies because well, it's Bond.  Had breakfast - I always do the english thing with bacon and baked beans and mushrooms - strangely enough I did not find it that satisfying - also had dried fruit and nuts - you're probably gagging at the combination but there was some 15 mins between the widely diverse plates.  Then went to the pool again and checked out. Came home.  I skipped lunch because of the english breakfast but around two I had thickly buttered bread (which I haven't had since 2 weeks) with thick mortadella and thelast bar of Belgian chocolate. At least I took the Belgian chocolate before and could savour it - the bread I didn't even taste properly - just ate it.  And after the bread I had walnuts and dried tomatoes.  Are you disgusted enough yet?

And why? Cause I'm pissed off about a committee I sit on and on which I probably will not be sitting for much longer.  I was upset after a meeting we had on Friday - not the crying upset - but a couple of things I found upsetting. So I sent an email saying that if something specific mentioned happened at the international meeting we are having in Holland, I would (and I will) stand up and leave.  Basically another country is subtly accusing us of overcharging on a bill and the international committee is considering forgiving a small amount even though they have paid us. I'm not too bothered about the money but if they do forgive some of the money, that would be equal to telling us we have overcharged them and that is not true. I will not be branded a thief, both on a personal and on a committee basis. Anyway, it was that thing and another one. It actually troubled my sleep and on Saturday I penned an email which I sent to all the local committee telling them what I thought and that I would not stand for being accused of overcharging. If I'm in Holland and the implication is that, I will just up and leave, and I still mean that. Anyway, today I find no feedback from anyone which I expected cause everyone is super afraid they will lose their seat (I don't care, I'll probably resign as I don't need this) and the only person I thought would back me up told me that at her age she is willing to give in on some of her principles because she needs to feel she belongs and she needs to belong. And I was shocked cause she is an over 60 person with a comment I would expect from a teenager who has just been caught smoking and blaming peer pressure.  It is hard when you lose respect for people.  I understand their positions but I still find myself losing some of the respect I have for them.  So I binge - on a day where I feel fat and I am fat apparently as I sneaked in a weight on my scales.  I will not weigh officially tomorrow since I'm sleeping at my flat this evenig and I don't have the scales so it's on Tuesday. But I'm not confident of the 75.5kg I was hoping for. And my mini-binge did not  help. At least I stopped myself before it became a full-blown binge.

Sorry for the long post.  And if you read it all (probably TatumsMon and GCQMom - thank you for your loyalty) thank you for making teh time and the effort.

It's the weekend!!! Hip Hip Hurray.  It is such a beautiful day here in Malta - I bet some of you do not get such a day in Summer!!!!  I just came back from my computer lesson and just wrote a passionate email getting a few things off my chest and sent it to whoever I had to send it to and I feel better though I have to see what kind of reactions I get to it.  But I'm glad with what I wrote and I think I managed to convey my passion for the issues outlined without being dramatic or over-emotional.

Food - I feel I'm being good with my diet - not too happy with what the scales are saying. I am far from my monday target and although there are two days left, Iam going on this overnight stay which will see me enjoying a large breakfast tomorrow.  If I don't, the whole point of the overnight stay will be lost as the lavish breakfast is one of the highlights of the stay along with staying by the indoor pool reading a nice novel and spa treatments which I'm not getting cause I'm broke and I need the money for a couple of travelling weekend I have in 2 weeks' time.  One of these, in Holland, I guess is in the balance after my email but if I don't go the organization will lose the flights money and I don't think they 'll go for that. 

So, back to diet and food - worried I will not get my 75.5kg on Monday. The weight loss is happening so so slowly!!!!  Yes, I'm surprised - usually at teh beginning I get a far better start off of encouraging weight loss.  As it is I might not be the 74. something I was counting on being by the time I go to Holland in two weeks' time.  Maybe I'll hit a dramatic loss until then. Have a nice weekend everybody - I hope we see Angela soon in here. XXX