05/17/2009 08:54
Disgusting
this go down 2 kg go up 3 kg roll I've been on all my life is disgusting. So I'm here for 8 days and I've gone up 2 kgs upt to 78kg again. And everything is tight again and I have nothing to wear to this wedding that I have which I would rather not have to go to but I have. and I feel really bad because I'm here for 8 days, i still have another 8 days to go and I feel like I want to be in LUxembourg and then maybe come for the other 8 days in 2 weeks time. So I feel like a really bad daughter/sister, whatever, because I want to leave even though everyoen has been extra great to me.
I have gained the 2kg back!!! And I'm not surprised in that this week has been full of food and I practically snapped my mother's head off because their diet here is carbohydrate and fat full in such an amazing way and then I feel really bad because it feels like I'm this snotty know it all now who thinks this is below her and who is pretty much an ungrateful bitch because after all everyone just wants to make her feel welcome., So I get the 'come for lasagna' message at 8pm to eat for 9pm and sure, I can say no, but I know my sister-in-law would be upset if I did . So I'm eating lasagna at 9pm and my father brings puff pastry cheesecakes in the morning and I eat them both cause they are hideously great tasting apart from even more hideously fattening and because I know he brought them for me.
And I went to the shops yesterday to try and find something for the wedding and everything was tight - and tehre is no worse feeling, diet wise obviously, then getting a size, have the salesgirl tell you that you probably need a size up, go try it on and find that not only the salesgirl is right but you are pretty sure not even the next size up would fit and then have to do the walk of shame back to the smug stick thin perfectly made up salesgirl who I want to choke but is actually a lovely girl doing her job which in an even worse way, makes me hate her more - or the principle of her anyway.
So, yes, I AM A BITCH. And the clothes that I liked are so expensive - like a 350 Euro plus siut and that is without having bought the shoes, handbag and rented the stupid hat because this is a morning wedding and irrespective of my mood today, I hate morning weddings. Now I am making some serious money, not rich but by Maltese standards I'm getting a great wage and even I would not go for these 350 plus things. But apparently there are Maltese that do somaybe there are much more Maltese people raking it in than I think.
78kg, everything tight. I put on a few things I had which I never wore becuse they were too tight. They used to fit in a pornographic way and they are there for when I would maybe finally lose those 5kg that would make a difference and which I might keep off for 5 days. but that was way back when my thin weight was 65kg and my fat weight was 70kg. Now I'M FREAKING 78KG.
I have to go study now. I wish I was back to work tomorrow. I'm such a bitch. Have a great sunday.