and let me tell you why. In light of my first successful weight loss week - the first week of attempt number 100 or maybe 101, with the sensation that my tummy is indeed a bit flatter (oh how good it is to illude oneself), I set off shopping today for a trouser suit for my interview on Thursday thinking everything is going to fit magically. Of course it didn't and I discovered I'm still the fattest kid on the block - in my defense I did not expect everything to fit - but Ithought maybe I can do size 14 bottoms now but no, it seems apart from my own size 14 which probably fit because I have bullied my body into them far too many times, it's still size 16 - I also did not find a suit I liked and shops here do not stock them much if at all.  So I came here feeling a bit down to be honest, largely tempted to eat as much as  I could because after all I was holding up these clothes adn thinking - I'm never fitting into these, nothwithstanding what I do. And I did eat here although I  console myself that I kept to safe stuff - no biscuits, chocolates or buttered anything.  Might not be a thin day but this at least is not a fat day.  As it is, I was so getting to be so down I was thinking about skipping going out and be faced with these gorgeous thin confident 20 somethings around me while I sip my wine - but now I'm thinking, what the heck - of course I'll go out and allow myself my two glasses of wine and yes there will be these thin gorgeous self-confident 20 something but I'll be there with them with my 76.5kg and I will join my friends and have a laugh and toast to a better world.  We'll probably all die of swine flu anyway and then it won't matter whether one is fat or thin.

Studied a fair bit although I did abondon my one hour of EU/French/Diploma stuff rota and today just concentrated on Eu. But tomorrow I will have to do soem French and Diploma and do EU in the evening. I suddenly decided I have to nail this interview and once the decision was made, I got really scared I might not be able to do so.Even though I know that I wil be fine in terms of a job and being employed if I don't pass this concours interview, it has become imperative for me to pass - don't ask me why - I just feel it - pride maybe, I don't know. It's true it would open doors and give me more choice in where I can be and how I can work and with whom I can work - but it does not justify the way I feel that I just have to pass this last stage. We'll see. Have a good Saturday whoever takes the time to read my insanity.