today, you know what I mean, you feel thin(ner) and the scales somehow concur.  So I weighed in 1.2kg less - must say I have been very good and walked to work 3 times, did salads and sandwiches and took them to work - worked out pretty well financially too - upped my vegetable and water intake and even took some alcohol in the process - all in all not a bad week.

The most important thing is keeping the momentum for next week - I'll be happy if I just loose even .1kg next week as the initial boost is always the easiest. This morning I walked to work (hence the 3rd time), feeling good about myself and in my new H&M jacket which I bought at 50% discount yesterday.  Today I brought 2 nice salmon sandwiches and salad to work and might take fruit salad from the canteen - after work we are going to the Villeroy and Boch company - I love their stuff  - and bought some really nice stylish mugs for my brothers - am thinking about buying something similar for my friend's wedding to which I'm going in Malta next month.  Usually in Malta, money is preferred as wedding gift but I really want to give my friend something tangible so that she can say - my friend gave me this - so I'll give her money but I will also give her something tangible. 

 

Have to mend a rift with a person I met here who had become my friend  but he said things I considered hurtful and I just walked away from the table as we were having tea.  We were talking about the concours and I told him how I really do want to pass at this stage, not because I want to stay here for ever because I'm not sure about that but because it is an exam after all and it would be unnatural not to want to pass and because it's been such a long process.   Also  it would allow me to explore going to Brussels. So he told me - of course you want to stay here forever - and I said, no I'm not sure I want that, I feel the absence of my family too much and I really miss them. And then he said, but it is obvious you have chosen your 6,000 Euro a month (this is an exaggeration, I make nowhere near that) over your family otherwise you wouldn't be here and you wouldn't be doing the concours. And I was so shocked by that, I just left!!! Things are never black and white. Of course, one can say that as much as I miss my family I have chosen to come here and be here but I feel the guilt of abondoning my parents every day I'm here even though I talk to them on MSN each day.  Once I knew my father had a terrible cough and during the night I woke up and I sat up listening whether he was coughing as I usually do when I'm at home and I said to myself - oh  he isn't coughing - and then I realised I was in Luxembourg and I just cried so much. All my friends here plan travelling here and there and my annual calendar is filled up with attempts to find ways to maximize my annual leave and fit in as much travelling home as possible.  I want the concours, yes to be permanent but that would also open doors for me such as being able to work in Brussels where Malta is not 2 coaches/2 trains and a plan away but just a 2.5 hour plane away.  And for him to just tell me I have chosen money over my family, I was just so shocked and hurt.  I was so shocked I didn't even go to the shop which is on my way to the office from the cafeteria to get the necessary chocolate to help numb the pain -  I think what hurt me most was that these words were coming from a person who I thought gets me. Maybe , you, the one reading this post, also thinks that I have essentially chosen money over being with my family but things are never black and white and to have someone pushing the button on the major guilt that I feel, and a person I consider my friend, was too much for me to handle.

Happy weekend, still sunny here but weather getting colder and rain and thunder is forecast for tomorrow. I'm using the weekend to study. Good Day everyone.