too tired to even type and rant.  I'm down and sick. So I'm going to paste the email I sent to my friend abroad about why I'm down.  I know why I 'm sick - I have a bad body who is sick on a good day. So here it is:

Yesterday's spa went badly.  I go there to relax not to feel worse. I do the massage to have fun not to have a stick thin blonde beauty tell me that back is wrong and bad in all the places she can touch. I already wake up every morning in pain and the question is not whether I will be painless or not but the grade of pain I will be feeling throughout the day as I try to go through it. Everyone looks at me and sees me as a normal human being but that does'nt mean I am not in pain with the f******* fibromyalgia. And when I go to the spa I want to forget my situation not someone telling me how much problems I have and how they are going to get worse as time goes by.  I know my situation is a downhill process and next year will be worse than this one. The only way I can cope with this is by not thinking about the future pain and increasing problems while facing the day's pain and laughing as much as I can.  .  It's not as if I'm not doing what I can - there isn't one doctor or consultant I have not been to and it gets to me that someone messes up an occasion that should help me forget and not remember even more about what is in store for me.  After the massage I just waiting for my mother, did not even swim, put on a good face for my mother's sake and we left. And I've been wanted to cry and hide somewhere since then - probably my mood is augmented by my sore throat and heavy head and general fatigue I'm feeling. Thank God it's Friday and I don't have anything planned other than attending my maths lecture tomorrow. So I can crash in bed, sleep and try to recover.

Needless to say I went on a binge and snapped my mother's head off when she commented on how many trips I was doing to the kitchen to get food.