Just because it is too funny not to share..........

The morning of my weigh in - and TOM shows up 4 days early!!!!!

UGH...........................

All I can do is laugh.

Mind Games - tomorrow is D-Day

I am freaking out. Tomorrow is my first weigh in. I was telling myself to try and not think about it - but I can't help putting a massive amount of pressure on myself for tomorrow. I need this to work. I need this to be successful.

All of my eggs are in this basket - its all or nothing. This is my last resort, I really need this to be it for me.

And on top of that - I am weighing in at 6pm. This is freaking me out because I always weighed in first thing in the morning - I have this mentality that I am lighter first thing in the mroning before I eat anything. I know this is crazy talk but to me it makes sense.

BUT I did weigh in for the first time last week at 6pm so I guess it will cancel each other out.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let this work -

My first hurdle

Last night I had a dinner/dance for a foundation that I am on the board for.  I was really worried because I knew how good the food was going to be. I know because I ordered all of my favorites when I set up the event. I did that months ago before JC was even a thought for me,

So the night came and went and I am happy to say = I stayed on my diet - and even better than that I think I may have accidentally under ate for the day. I am shocked I thought I would have no self-control, but I actually surprised myself.

And even better yet - the Dessert HOur didn't even temp me. I actually didn't even go look at it - I didn't even go and get coffee I was too afraid that I would be tempted.

So I wake up today very happy with myself. Small victories.

I am actually really excited for my first weigh in - on TUesday.

Day 3 (LIGHT BULB)

I must say my mind frame has taken a total differnt turn lately.

I was driving in my car yesterday thinking to myself, Lisa, you know what you have to do - you just need to do it. I have been saying that to myself forever. But then my "Light-bulb" moment came. (I do not know what to do) if I did I wouldn't be where I am today.

So this is me admitting that I have no clue and weight loss - weight maintanence - and how to eat well.

Every time I did a diet - whether it be Weight Watchers or South Beach etc. I would make up my own rules. Because I thought that I knew what was best. I now know that I have been full of it and totally lying to myself.

So I decided this time I will almost play dumb with myself. Pretend I know nothing about anything.  So every single tool they tell me to use - I will use. If they tell me to drink this and eat that - I will do it.

So we shall see - I am hoping this is going to be it for me, and I figured out what I need to do.

Just wanted to take a minute and thank everyone for posting all the well wishes and kind thoughts. It means a lot - I need all the help I can get!!!

Day 1

Not really sure about all of this. I hit an ultra low point this week and woke up and decided to join Jenny Craig - I knew it would be a financial strain on my marriage but I needed to do something.

I no longer had control over my life - and that was a hard reality to swallow.

I walked into Jenny Craig totally mortified because everyone in there was skinner than me. I wondered if I would be the heaviest person to ever walk into this chain.  I was almost going to walk out - but I said to myself enough is enough I cannot go through this again.

One day maybe I will actually share the whole story of how I got here - How after all I have been through  I have ended up the heaviest I have ever been - one step away from being the woman who needs to be cut out f her house. How did this happen.

I had a horrible year - I gained close to 50 lbs this year - maybe more. I lost the two most important people in my life - my grandparents and I think that instead of mouring them the way I should - I instead pulled it all inward and took it out on myself.

But that was last year - I hear my grandmother in my ear going - OK enough Lisa lets stop all this and move along.  What I do know is that I have been blessed with the most wonderful family who love me unconditionally. I have a husband who has stuck by me through everything. I am sure it cannot be easy to be married or in that case scene with a woman who is carrying my weight - but he loves me anyway.

So here I am = day 2 still here. I am praying that this is it for me.