When I was younger, my parents were always dieting. We as family did weight watcher, slim fast, nutri-system, you name it, we did it--as a family. I was always the biggest in my class. The big girl who would never get married or have kids of her own. Or at least that is what the kids at school would tell me.
I did fall in love a few times before finding "Mr. Right", and had a son with one of them. This was a blow to my self esteem as when he left me before my son was born, I felt cheated and used. Then I decided to get even and went on a drastic diet, dropping from 210 lbs to 160 lbs. It was a quick decent that made people question whether I was sick or not. No, I wasn't sick, but literally starving myself. I was living on a yogart, a bagel and water each day. Working 12 hour shifts at the hospital as patient care tech. I checked my b/p once and it was 80's/40's (that's extremely LOW). I was also taking fat burners on top of that. Those just made my heart race, but I didn't care. I was being noticed. I thought I looked good, but for what price.
I eventually got back up to about 190 lbs, and was able to maintain that with a sensible diet, some exercise and just being smart about what I ate. That's when I met my husband. I thought I was still FAT. He saw me as me, and didn't see the weight. We got engaged 2 months after meeting online and exactly 1 year from when we met, we got married with my son in tow and our daughter who was a month old at the time. I had gotten what the kids at school used to tell me I couldn't have. A family of my own making. I was happy. Then in 2002, I thought I was pg again, but come to find out I wasn't, I was ok with that at first, but with it brought 10 years of ups and downs with actual failed pregnancies in the first weeks/first month of pregnancy. I wanted to have another baby with my husband, to do it "right" so to speak. No out-of-wedlock baby for me again.
I started eating. I started to really just let myself go. I told myself, I was happy. In 2003, I had a car wreck that damaged to vertabrae in my lower spine, but hey I was only 230 lbs, couldn't impact me that much right?
I was wrong. I was miserable. The treatments used for the spinal problems I was having were horrendous. I ate somemore. I grew my hair out thinking I would feel better..NOPE, I didn't look like me. I cut my hair off. I got another tattoo, I already had 2 so why not. I don't regret the tats, I got them for a good reason. They were done for my kids. A reminder everyday why I was here. And yet everyday I was slowly killing myself with "french twirls", reece's pb cups, cokes, chips, cookies by the dozen, pizza, pasta... I didn't want to fix not alone eat a vegetable, calories--who gave a rat's pa-toot.
I started to feel it though. I was working as a CNA and lifting is a big part of that job in Nursing home. I was miserable every night when I came home. I couldn't get up in the mornings because my back hurt so much. My heels hurt, my legs and hips hurt. Walking was beginning to be unbearable. I tried to play softball with my church, couldn't. At the first game I hit the ball, took off to run and my leg gave way. I had pulled plantar fascitis. My weight was holding me back, and so was a lack of insurance. I had never had labs done, I thought maybe my thyroid is out of whack.
When I did get insurance, I made an appointment, had labs done, and everything came back fine. On my patient record it says "Morbidly Obese". At 5'3, I weighed 278.5 lbs. My blood pressure was high, and I knew at that moment a heart attack was 5-20lbs extra away. Lurking like a criminal in the night, waiting to steal me from my kids and husband.
I went to a doctor who performed weightloss surgery, determined to get it done. After our visit, I started what he called "A Prepare Your Body For Surgery" diet. I needed to lose 30lbs before he could proceed. That was January 11th, 2011.
As I sit here typing my first blog, it is February 27th. My current weight is 245 lbs, but naked in my bathroom..LOL...And I have done it in a month. It was hard, I did cheat, we did go out to eat some, but I made it none-the-less. I can tell when I'm off track and need to get back on. That is why I am here. I need someone to kick me in the butt, give me ideas, let me know I can do it! I put my goals in 30lbs increments, and may not blog again till the next 30 is met. Will it just take a month to do so or 3 or 4, I don't know. We will just have to wait and see!