My Weight Loss Journal

I did it!

Saturday, December 1, 2007 23:01:11

I woke up and did 5 minutes on the elliptical and showered before the girls woke up. I had to force myself to get off after five minutes because I was afraid my thighs were going to seize on me and make it difficult to walk all day. (It was very painful!) But at least I got on there and I enjoyed myself. I am looking forward to tomorrow's workout.

I didn't even get very good sleep last night at all because our son woke up in the middle of the night and joined us again. My fault for letting him watch too much TV yesterday! I wanted to get some of my online training for a new job done. That's the price I pay, I guess.

I think the trazodone is starting to work though. The past couple nights it's only taken me 30-45 minutes to fall asleep instead of one and a half hours. And I feel better in the mornings, so I think I'm getting better quality sleep, when I do actually sleep. I see a light off in the very far distance! Looking forward to getting my life on track all around. :-)

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Kids are sick...

Sunday, December 2, 2007 00:09:20

so I did not get much sleep last night at all. Kyler was actually sick during the day, and then was miraculously feeling better at 12:30 last night. Wide awake of course, since he had slept most of the day. And thirsty! I was very glad for that. But neither Brent or I got much sleep after that. I think Kyler may have slept for half an hour at some point. As I type this, he has been awake (except for that half an hour) for 18hrs and is just starting to peter out! He's never been big on sleeping in to catch up on sleep, so I hope he lasts until bedtime. We tried to get him to take a nap early on, but he was too wired.

Tonights plan to try and fall asleep is to take a nice, relaxing, hot bath. Then I'll have DH make me a steamed milk, take my calcium and trazodone, and read a book until I feel tired. Then I'll turn on some soft music and hopefully fall asleep quickly. I've been doing the reading and trazodone, and occasionally the calcium. Rest is new. Let's see if it works.

As far as exercise - no go. Food - I did ok, but not great. Still not as much snacking though, so I'm happy with that.

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Sleep

Sunday, December 2, 2007 00:08:12

is still alluding me. I have taken trazodone four nights in a row now and so far am not falling asleep easier. I did notice that I fell asleep faster in the middle of the night though. Arianna woke up, which of course woke me up, and once she finally settled down, I think I must have pretty much fallen right back asleep. I do feel myself getting really tired about 45 minutes after taking the trazodone, but I still can't fall asleep.

Good news is that I have been eating better and lost 5lbs this week! I was definitely not expecting that. Trying to stay full with water and just not snack so much. Still not feeling well enough to exercise though. I know I'll do much better once I can get on with that. But for now, the initial 5 pound loss is motivation to keep eating better. :-)

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Goal accomplished! Sort of...

Sunday, December 2, 2007 00:05:11

Well I was in bed before 10 last night! Didn't fall asleep till closer to midnight though. I did make it to the dr and got a prescription for Trazodone. Took that, but they did warn me it could take up to a week to take affect. And I still woke up sometime in the middle of the night. I remember looking at the clock, but I don't remember what it said, which is really weird for me. I don't think that's ever happened before.

Part of the problem with falling asleep last night was probably due to a nap I ended up taking just after 5pm. Was probably about a 20 minute nap. Just couldn't keep my eyes open anymore. Having a miscarriage really wipes you out emotionally and physically, even the ones at 4wks. I'm still feeling it today, but there's definitely an improvement. Kids slept well last night though, and all slept in till 7:30am. So that was fantastic! :-) I'm finally seeing some hope around the corner!

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Weekend's Over

Sunday, December 2, 2007 00:04:13

Having Arianna taking a bottle at night before bed now is helping her with her sleeping. Aleigha always was fine. Kyler has not woken up for the past two nights in the middle of the night. But he is still waking up before 7am. I just want my kids to sleep so that I can sleep and get up early to work out. I can do weights on and off through out the day, but not all at once. But if I get on the elliptical too close to bed, I have even more troubles falling asleep. At least the two nights weren't interrupted. That helped.

I went to bed before 7pm last night though with a nasty headache. Not quite migraine, but pretty close. Would have been if I had had to stay up much longer. Thankfully my husband was understanding and took care of the kids the rest of the night. He did have to bring Aleigha to our bedroom so I could nurse her, but by then the headache was mostly gone. Which of course means I was awake and ready to face the day shortly after that. At 8:45pm. Stayed up too late. Today's one and only goal will be to go to bed at 10pm. I am planning on going to the walk in clinic tonight to get something to help me sleep that is safe to take while nursing. I hear trazadon (sp?) is supposed to be good. If I can get that prescription filled, maybe I'll actually sleep tonight.

On top of the headache though, I was dealing with a chemical pregnancy. Didn't want to be pregnant, and I've had a lot of these and some later miscarriages as well, but they're still hard to handle. Especially when I'm already dealing with some depression. I know that miscarriages are going to continue to be a part of my life, thanks to my blood clot disorders. But I still wish that wasn't the case.

Anyways, I'll let you all know if I accomplish today's goal in tomorrow's post. Any suggestions for a small reward for a small goal like going to bed on time?

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Kids throwing me for a loop

Friday, November 30, 2007 21:01:22

The past couple days the kids have been sleeping a lot. My ten month old girls are both taking one 3 hour nap and then a 2 hour nap later. My two year old son is sleeping in and he took a nap today as well. He hasn't napped in months. And yet all of them are ready for bed pretty much at the usual time. I'm still completely exhausted. Made myself get up at the usual time though, even though the kids were still sleeping. Brent bought me some sleep aid last night, by recommendation of the pharmacist. Completely forgot to mention that I'm nursing though, so I couldn't take it. I'm going to have him make me a steamed milk flavored with a little butterscotch syrup to see if that helps me sleep tonight. I would love to get even just one or two nights of decent sleep. Just to help me get caught up and function a little better. My muscles in my back and neck are so tight, it hurt too much to life even my little 2lbs dumbbells. I did some stretches instead (this was yesterday). Today was a complete flop though. This whole house needs to get back into routine.

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Yuck!

Friday, November 30, 2007 21:00:11

That's the kind of day I'm off to. Kyler wouldn't eat dinner last night and wouldn't even eat a snack before bed. In an attempt to make him too tired to wake up hungry, I let him stay up till almost 9:30, an hour past his bedtime. Didn't work. Woke up at 4:30am. Thought I'd be nice and let my husband sleep while I tried to get him. He didn't want to have anything to do with me, so Brent had to go get him off the stairs afterall. We never sleep well when Kyler gets brought to our bed. He tosses around all night long. I'm really quite surprised he doesn't fall out of his bed on a regular basis. As it is, he's only fallen out a handful of times in the year that he's been in a regular bed.

This means I was definitely too tired to even get up early enough to shower let alone early enough to workout. I'm still so tired my eyes are burning. This is a constant state for me these days. I'm beginning to suspect that even when I'm sleeping, I'm just not sleeping well. And of course it took forever to fall asleep last night as usual. In the two hours I've been awake today, Kyler has been cranky and clingy. Which means huge fights when I need to nurse his sisters or give them their cereal. Thankfully it's time to nurse them again and put them down for their first nap. I can tell this is going to be a fun day with Kyler though. And I haven't even had the opportunity to have any breakfast yet.

Plus I had a somewhat rude email this morning that I'll be thinking about all day. I feel like my life is spiraling out of control. I need to get a grip on things, but I don't have a clue what I can do about any of it. Now I have to go because I have three cranky kids. Hopefully during their nap I can put a video in for Kyler and at least get some resistance training done.

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Starting Over

Friday, November 30, 2007 22:09:12

I received an email from extrapounds.com today and decided to try blogging this journey online again. I read over my earlier entries from a year and a half ago. I weigh exactly the same today as I did then. Considering there was a twin pregnancy in that time, I'm ok with that. I'm not ok with where I am at though. I am absolutely disgusted with my body and that needs to change. I am out of shape, both physically and mentally. I may weigh the same, but my body is very different than it was before the pregnancy. I lost fat during the pregnancy, so my arms/legs/face are a little smaller, but my belly is bigger and much saggier. I have absolutely no muscle tone left in my stomach (at least that's how I feel).

I still want to get to about 125lbs. I know a lot of charts say I should weigh 115, but I don't think that's realistic. As I get closer to 125, I'll be able to reassess things and see if I need to change my goal weight. Right now, I feel losing 100lbs is a bit daunting as it is. My biggest problem is getting up to exercise in the morning. I can't afford to go to the gym, so I have to use what I have at home. I have enough at home - an elliptical trainer, yoga/pilates/tae bo videos, small dumbbells. I wish I knew someone here that could come over in the mornings to workout with me. Someone that I was personably accountable to that relied on me. Since I have just recently moved to a town where I only know one person (who has her own kids to get up with in the am) this isn't likely to happen. I am slowly getting to know some other people, but we're of course talking more moms.

While I wait for that miracle to happen, I thought I would try extrapounds again. This way I'm at least accountable to whoever reads this blog. It's not quite as effective or motivating, but hopefully it will be enough. I have been trying for months now to get up early enough to workout and shower before kids get up. It takes me so long to fall asleep at nights, that I'm having troubles even getting up at 7am with the kids. I need to just spend a week getting up at 6am by setting my alarm and hopefully by the end of the week I'll be ready to fall asleep when I go to bed at 10pm. If that's not enough, then I probably need to see a dr about my sleep problems.

So here's to a fresh start. :-)

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Day 11

Tuesday, December 6, 2005 23:07:15

Feeling pretty bummed today. I realized that my chemical pregnancy last month might have thrown my cycle for a loop. I'm currently on cd23 and no o yet. Possibly yesterday or day before, as I did have ewcm on Sat. But my temps are still looking fairly normal, so I'll have to wait and see. It never occured to me that my cycle might get messed a little from the pg last month, because I've had so many chemical pg's and the only time it changed my o was when I had a few in a row. There was only the one this time. If I haven't o'd before end of month, then I will put it off for August. Kyler was concieved in August, and I'd really rather my kids didn't share bdays. But we already had to wait just to start ttc while the dr's confirmed my blood clot disorders. I sure hope I ovulate soon and I won't have to worry about it anymore. I also really don't want the injections I've been giving myself to be for nothing.

As far as weight loss goes, getting up early to exercise isn't going to happen until my son calms down with teething. He's been up for hours most nights lately, just screaming even if we're holding him. I wish I could bare his pain for him. But this is causing us not to get much sleep at all. Last night Kyler wasn't even too bad, but I couldn't go to sleep until almost 3 am because my body is getting used to being up in the night! But I'm so tired today that I have no motivation to do anything. Maybe I can convince dh to go for a walk tonight. Hopefully that'll help us sleep tonight.

So I'm starting over with my goals. One little one, but also one slightly larger one to keep me in line each day with my little goals. Today I will exercise, whether it's a walk with dh and ds, or just walking around the store to do some shopping. I will get out of the house! By the end of the week I want to have exercised three times, and two of those times can't be something like walking while shopping.

Stephanie :-)

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Day 9

Tuesday, December 6, 2005 23:05:14

Missed my goal for the past two days now. Wasn't home yesterday so that doesn't really count. Kyler has been teething so badly that he has spent hours up each of the past three nights except last night. He was so tired himself by last night that we didn't hear a peep out of him all night long! Two days ago when he woke up from a nap, there was blood on his sheet from teething so badly. I felt so bad for him.

I feel completely set back with my goals right now because I am not motivated towards that at all I had a huge fight with my husband the other night and stayed at a friends house with Kyler just to get a break, but I admit I wasn't coming home without some definate changes in place before I did. Hubby has made arrangedments for us to start seeing a counselor and I hope that will really help. The shocker for me was that I thought all these issues we have were doing a lot better. But he just keeps letting his mom tell him how our marriage is going to work. I told hubby that I will no longer be married to his mom. I married him, not her and if he couldn't keep her out of our marriage and out from controlling our lives, then he could just go live with her, because I wanted nothing to do with it anymore. We had some really good talks and I think he's finally seeing how his mom is manipulating her way into controlling our lives. The blow up point for me was when she used our son as a pawn to play her games. He's an innocent 1 yr old and that's just not ok.

So hopefully that will settle down quickly and I can get back to focusing on myself. But in the mean time my energy certainly needs to go into working on helping hubby to do something about his mom now that he sees what she's been doing.

For this weekend I am setting no goals, other than to clean my house.

Stephanie

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