I am pissed at myself because I did not make a decision on behalf of my health goals last night.
I am pissed because I am working out so hard and the weight is not flying off.
Last night was one of those times when my husband called from the store. I told him chicken strips and frozen fries would be great and he happily agreed. When I hung up the phone, I realized I would have been happy with a JC French Toast and some chocolate milk. It would have kept me on plan and I would not be two pounds up today on the scale today! But no, when he got home I went along with the bad decision instead of reserving the right to CHANGE MY MIND. He would not have been mad. He would have enjoyed his food. It is all on me.
So today I am 228.5 and I am so pissed at myself. If you guys think this journey ends at halfway, at goal, or six pounds away from your goal you are mistaken. This is why people gain their weight back. Because hubbie called and asked "Do you want me to pick something up?" and it is so easy to just give in to old habits.
UGH! Today's food choices will be in SUPPORT of my goal.I am sick and tired of working out so hard and my muscles being so sore and not losing!
This week I held the plank pose for one minute. I've NEVER been able to do that! I know I am gaining muscle, that is obvious with the amount of weight increase at the gym as well as my bi-weekly soreness. However, when does the weight loss kick in? I suppose when I stay on plan and go hungry. (insert sarcastic tone)
Signed,
A hard body but still not at goal and a person who still makes crappy choices like chicken strips and nasty frozen fries. Were they worth it? NO!
As I have been saying (griping) about in previous posts I am getting really picky about the food I eat. I bought a Healthy Choice dinner last night, blackened chicken, and prepared myself for an excellent feast. It SUCKED! I didn't even it and found something else. I felt the same way about a JC dinner today, mesquite chicken, I barely got it down. Is this hormonal? Do taste buds change?
I know Hell's Kitchen star, Gordon Ramsay, always talks about having a good palette. Has my palette gotten snobby? Hmm? I just don't know. I know that sometimes I just don't know what I want, but I want my eating experience to be pleasurable, orgasmic, and euphoric. Is that expecting too much?
I was 226 yesterday thank goodness. It's bittersweet ya know? I am working so much and so hard that I am not gaining, but because I am munching too much...I am not losing. How much of this should I chalk up to building muscle? Seriously people! I do not feel like I am overeating all that much and I am still writing everything down. Just a thought... The way it seems to be happening on this last weight loss leg I have a couple lbs drop about every month, not every week. And girlfriend I will take it! haha!
I love it when I am 226 because that is 80 lbs. even! WOO HOO! That is SUCH a great feeling! YEE HAH!
OK, so I am feeling good and tight and swelte. Is that a word? Swelte? LOL Anyway, the scale is playing tricks on me but we will see what happens for weigh-in.
I realize that we are always in transition. When I first started JC all the food was new and I could not wait to eat every meal, but now some of the meals I have had so many times that I begin to want something different. That is a good thing because i need to eat meals on my own for many reasons. But, it takes much more dilligence and perserverence to consistantly eat at my calorie level, even with my workouts, and get to goal.
Yesterday we rode almost eight miles on our bikes! YIPEE!
I am quite astonished that today I am 226.5! I really thought I had goofed up more, but I suppose all the weight training and bike riding really paid off. This week I am back on schedule and I am looking forward to it!
Tonight The Biggest Loser has a reunion show. I can't wait!
If you are a sucker for high quality creams and bath scrubs - check out www.creativebodyessentials.com I have been wearing the "pink sugar" every day and I love it!
I have not eaten Greek food since I started JC in November 2005. This was one of THE hardest foods to give up. I choose to go cold turkey with it because I was eating so much of it and didn't want to give up a single thing, you know?
Last night we ate greek and I was so proud of myself! I could really see my growth. Some of the growth was that I realized it was "just food." It was not as special as important as a hug from my man or a really good moment teaching. It was just a grape leaf. The good news is that instead of all of my tabouli, I was content with about a 1/4th of it. Instead of five of five grape leaves offered on the plate - I was good with two. I did not like the meat pie so that was covered. I also had some hummus with as few pita bread pieces as possible. And of course, there was a few bites of that yummy chicken shwarma! My former habits would have eaten everything I just typed in their entirety. I AM NOT KIDDING one tiny bit!
WHAT A GREAT NIGHT!!! :-) We came home with lots of leftovers for my husband to take to work for lunch.
I am happy to say that today for weigh-in I am 225.5! This is a new number! I am very happy! This brings my total weight loss to 80.5 lbs! WOO HOO!
The interesting thing about this week is that I didn't eat much JC food but did my own thing on many days, i.e. the mexican experience. I am very happy about this!
I had the most pleasant Mexican experience I would like to share with you. For one thing, if the place offers ceviche, try it! It's light and I would compare it to pre-blended salsa with shrimp or fish.
The next thing I suggest is ordering a flank steak plain. They marinate of course, it a bit of oil, and lots of those yummy mexican flavors so lots of sauce and cheese on top is unnecessary to me. I eat the steak with salsa and pico de gallo.
I had the best mexican experience and the proof is in the pudding - I was hungry about 3 hours later!
I'd have to say that over the past year and a half of my weight loss journey two things seem to trigger overeating: emotional growth and unstructured time.
I think the hardest part is staying in tune to what I really want for myself, who I really am. I have been reading Home With God by Neil Walsh. It's a great book with a number of thoughtful and meaningful platititudes. The past week or so I have been closing in the wagons, if you will, to reattune myself to my true being and goals. I believe, that changing fundamental parts of myself is so very difficult. It can be done, but it is not easy. For example, if I used food for comfort since a child, changing this takes much emotional reserve that this past week I just did not have. I was rocked to the core and was shocked and the constant and strong desire to eat about it. It was a stark reminder to me that my onion will always have layers that need peeling and everytime those peelings (growths) take place, the urge to eat to soothe will seem like a rational idea because of past belief systems that helped me though difficult times.
My intention today is to remember who I really am, which is a vibrant, beautiful, human being - capable of living and experiencing life fully. I can cry or be sad without extra food. I can be happy without extra food.
All is well in my world. Life supports me. I am well. The real Stephanie no matter what.
I have refuled my motivation. I am 226 today, only six, SIX SIX pounds from goal! i am very excited. I was so pumped that yesterday, I did my weight workout and that evening rode my bike. I am a little sore today but man I feel good.
I went shopping...again. LOL It is just so much darn fun!
When I hung up the phone, I realized I would have been happy with a JC French Toast and some chocolate milk. It would have kept me on plan and I would not be two pounds up today on the scale today! But no, when he got home I went along with the bad decision instead of reserving the right to CHANGE MY MIND. He would not have been mad. He would have enjoyed his food. It is all on me.
Were they worth it? NO!
We came home with lots of leftovers for my husband to take to work for lunch. 
