| Height: | 173.0cm |
| Start weight: | 306.00lb |
| Current weight: | 225.00lb |
| Goal weight: | 200.00lb |
| Lost to date: | 81.00lb |
| Remaining: | 25.00lb |
| 9 |
| February '12 |
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I so glad ashleyb is back! WOO HOO. Check my friends list...
As I mentioned before, I am struggling from PPD. Currently they are working on my medication. My therapist says my hormones can take up to an entire year to get "regular." Yeah. I agree.
This summer I'm not teaching which is a nice break so I can just be with the baby.
I lost one pound this week, but I thought I'd gained ten. 
I'll try to come back and write more later.
I'd say I'm doing pretty well overall, but this week has been a complete disaster. I feel so tired all the time and work just takes it out of me. How long until being a 24/7 Mom and working feels normal? I'm so used to having time to recharge from work. How do I find time to recharge from work and being Mommy (without sacrificing my Mommyness).
I need to get a grip because I've been feeling the urge to binge like crazy. I haven't had that in a long time. I hope I figure things out soon.
So today I've been listening to "The Art of Extreme Self-Care" by Cheryl Richardson. It's pretty good. Of course it's things I've heard and read, but as a new Mom it has fresh meaning.
My lack of solitude is rearing it's ugly head as a stubbornly try to keep my son during the day, every day, before I teach four afternoons per week. I wrestle with putting him in the local Mothers Day Out program two days a week for a few hours so I can at least make appointments for my health, and have the downtime I am sorely lacking.
This morning I awoke to 239.5. I could go into all the calories why but who really care at this point. The thing is lack of self-control and the fact that I need my support system.
What I mean is, I used to really use my JC consultant and my gym trainer to support me in my health goals. Since I've had the baby I have utilized them little to none at all. The result is waking up today looking very "old" in my body and seeing it on the scale. If this is me four months into motherhood I don't want to think about what could happen six months from now. And don't tell me it will just "click" unless you mean click as a verb.
So, I'm ordering some JC food today as a starter. Thank goodness they have new foods coming in April. Also, I'm putting the calorie chart back on the fridge and it's back to keeping track. In addition, I'm going to the gym this morning at 6:30am. My baby sleeps until 7am most days, and my husband is here if there is an emergency. This is the least I can do for myself. This way, I still have the entire day with baby and for my students.
My goals for March:
1. Keep track of my eating on the fridge
2. Workout with trainer M/W/F am
3. Go in stroller with sweet baby during late mornings
4. Eat my JC food
5. Prayerfully consider learning to eat without the TV and at the same time, find a way to achieve more down time that doesn't involve food & a favorite TV show.
I haven't been this weight since December 2006! And, let's be honest, it's going to take more than what I'm doing now to see thos scale numbers go down.
Another blessing is that our TIVO went out. So, this morning I am up early with no coffee, biscuit, and TIVO to watch. Would you believe this is what keeps me from going to the gym early? It's not because I'm not awake. But, I don't get my "me" tv/food time much during the day anymore so I take it in the wee hours the morning. I'm really pathetic. Did you know last night I cooked this great meal (another reason for weight gain is I eat too much when I cook good stuff!) and took it into the bedroom to watch the rest of "The Bachelor" I had TIVO"d? Why? Because I like being myself! I spend all day just waiting to be by myself!
Do any of you other Mom's have a high need for alone/downtime? I know not everyone is wired like that, but I am and always have been. What sort of things do you do to cope?
for me to gain weight. I gain weight faster than my husband does! I know I'm eating too much, but it's not from binging or supersized fast food meals. For the most part, I'm eating very healthy but I'm having a hard time with stress and fatigue. I'm still adjusting to the baby. Ironically, it's not the baby that's "in the way" it's everything else I have to keep doing like teaching, paying bills, house work, washing my clothes, working out, buying milk because we are out, etc. The world doesn't stop so I can just raise my child and be with my husband. So...I'm still adjusting. If for now my weight stabilizes I'm not going to beat myself up for it. I'm really working on gathering up the emotional reserves I need to watchg the amounts/calories I'm eating but I'm so distracted with everything else!
OK, I think I'm starting to do things halfway, but not on purpose. I've never been one of those people who can do 10,000 things and do them well. Yes, there are people like that! I know from experience that when I start eating blindly I need to take a step back and look at what is going on. Everything about my time is structured now: going to the store is even on a deadline. There is nothing I do that is not on a timeline. I just finished my first week back to work, then I had an organizational meeting for which I uploaded the wrong minutes! UGH! But, after rushing here and there...how does anyone do anything right? Especially with a baby needing you, meals to be cooked for the week, laundry, oh yeah--and I need to work out and eat healthy. Time to stop the madness that I am imposing on my own life.
So, I'm sure some people will be disappointed, but until the Mom thing gets under control there is only room for downtime, not more WORK time!
OK - Thing #1 - For the first time in 3 1/2 years I am really ticked off at JC. I had a consultant fill in for my regular consultant. I placed the order, right? Well, my regular consultant came back to work and placed the order AGAIN. And get this - there was a $50.00 difference in the two orders. So, now I have to wait until 8am (MY TIME) when Customer Service is available. Although I find it funny that if I were a new customer they'd be glad to take my order.
Usually I am very understanding about these sorts of things...which brings me to Thing #2
OK - Thing #2 - I know several of you on here have already had this enlightenment and I am definately late to the party, but I realize how unhealthy processed foods are. All this flouride, soy protein isolate, and hidden MSG's...
It's enough to drive a person batty! 
I truly think I am at the place in my life where I can cook my own food and maintain a healthy weight. This is why I've been thinking and blogging about how it's time to be a post- JC success story. I really think that JC doesn't fit me or my nutritional needs anymore. Perhaps Thing #1 was what I needed to get myself off my butt and just cut the cord. The other addendum is our budgeting needs change when a baby comes...if ya know what I mean!
Can we say FORMULA and DIAPERS?
OK - Thing #3 - I'm so freakin' terrified of vaccinating my baby.
I know he "has" to have them but I mean seriously. Could there be anymore crappy things to read about regarding their safety? UGH! Please someone, tell me I'm not neurotic! I'm reading Suzanne Somers new book "Breakthrough." Talk about an eye opener!!!
On the bright side: I finally have my period! WOO HOO! I already feel lighter!
On the bright bright side: I've started some really great supplement from www.peakenergyscience.com I've got my organic/healthy calcium, EFA Oils, Greens, and nutritional yeast flakes. :-) I am happy about that. I guess you could say I'm replacing one nutritional need: portion control via JC with another step up: excellent, quality supplments for my organic, healthy lifestyle.
And a littler brighter than that:I have in my cupboard some ADZUKI BEANS. I can't wait to cook them. I bought them organic from the health food store. Read up on them. Gillian McKeith loves them too. She calls them the weight-loss bean. They have 5 grams of fiber in 1/4 cup! She's the host of the BBCA show "You Are What You Eat."
Self- control seems to be a theme that's coming up for me lately. I've
been listening to some great parenting tapes and they emphasize how a
child's ability to focus, concentrate, and persevere through tasks, etc
really comes from self-control. I know I skipped class on some of the self-control lessons.
Does a diet come because of lack self-restraint? We give in to the desire of the flesh, right?
I was listening to Marty Copeland on Life Today talking
about her spiritual approach to weight loss and health. She really
spoke, what I thought, were profound thoughts on the subjects. She
says that a diet can get you where you want to be, help teach
boundaries, but it is not the same as the fruit of the spirit of
self-control operating on our lives. In other words, it's not a
permanent fix. Hmm.
She shared her own story about using food for comfort as a child
when she was unequipped to handle things at the time. She says the
food became a stronghold. She quoted a scripture ( I need to find
this!) that when we sow in the flesh we reap corruption, or in other
words, a worsened state. Well yuck! That doesn't sound good. She
goes on to quote Paul and the scripture where he was in bondage in the
verse that says "That thing I want to do...I don't."
I want Jenny Craig to take me to the freedom. But, am I making the
inward change in my heart and thinking? When do I move using the diet
as a tool to a supernatural change in my thinking? Peace comes when I
have not overeaten, not when I do. Contentment comes when I can move
my body without pain from extra weight, not when I've eaten so much I
go to bed with a tummy ache. Yes, that thing I don't want to do
(overeat) I sometimes do.
I pray for self-control, because it really is the path to freedom. I
want to sow to the Spirit. Marty said she would leave food on her
plate and say, "God, I sow this to you as self-control, faithfulness,
and endurance."
Wow.
