Keeping a Quiet Heart
"Every assignment is measured and controlled for my eternal good. As I accept the given portion other options are cancelled. Decisions become much easier, directions clearer, and hence my heart becomes inexpressibly quieter." Elizabeth Elliot's book Keeping a Quiet Heart.
I have always been the type of person who loves to take control, make changes, make it work. Since becoming a Mom, I have finally narrowed my teaching down a number of days that I can handle and enjoy, while still being there for my family. It has taken a year and a half to figure it out, but it works for all of us in the family. Now, don't you know when I decide this, I get so tempted. Oh could I help with this? Could I play for that? Couldn't I just keep this one student who is so great? Yes, temptation comes and I start second guessing my decisions...wondering if I should take on a bit more because my heart wants to do it.
I've never been one to say, "Well this is my lot in life so there you go." I'm more of take the bull by the horns kind of girl. What I am learning from this reading is that I need to trust and rest in my own decisions. Okay? It's not like someone is punishing me. I have made the decision to take on less. It is not only for my family's good, but the good of me and the good of my students receiving my best. It is very hard to set good boundaries. Oh - sometimes it's easy, but for every no there is a yes to something else.
My yes was that yesterday I spent the day with my son and it was so beautiful. I watched him and my eyes just filled with tears. It was in that moment that I realized that "Decisions become much easier, directions clearer, and my heart becomes inexpressibly quieter."