My Mom left earlier this week and my husband and I are so exahusted.  I feel almost guilty sometimes because I'm too tired to enjoy the baby.  Does that make sense?  But, I know I"ll look back and miss him being so little so I'm trying to keep up postiive attitude.  I didn't realize how much it helped having my Mom here when it came to getting rest.  I told my husband yesterday that I just want to be "untired!"  Plus, I am still having  a little cramping and headaches from the section.  It's very minor, but that with the fatigue just makes it seem so big.  I'm certainely not complaining, but trying to sort out in my mind some sort of friendship and truce between being tired and enjoying motherhood.

I can see how it's easy to let oneself go when kids come around.  I mean, I sometimes don't finish my meals or don't get to go to the bathroom the minute i need to go...all these things add up to not very good self-care.  I even don't care about taking vitamins and that's unsual for me.  It's not that I'm depressed, I'm just busy with the baby.  I know it takes 21 days to make a new habit and I think it's the realization that my life will not look the same every again.   Taking vitamins won't be a leisure activity but a necessity that I just program in my day just like I did before.  I know I can do it, I'm just in the trenches now.  I want to show myself through food especially, as it's sometimes my achillies heel, that I can nurture myself through this process of change.

On a happy note, I got the new Sarah Brightman Christmas CD.  It's lovely and Ephram and I are listening to it right now!    It makes me happy and calm to listen to it.

I really need to set some sort of day to weigh in.  Today I was two lbs. up from day before yesterday and I know that could be normal fluncuations.  I guess I'll pick Friday for my weigh-in.  But, I think it's safe to say that the weight that is left (about 18 lbs.) is what I've put on in FAT, not FLUID! HAHA!

is a wonderful adventure, but as mothers we have to take care of ourselves.  It is okay to let the daddies do things not only for Ephram, but also for you.  You have gone through a major hormonal change and the hormones are still trying to settle down.  I hope you don't take this as a lecture, but as moms we need to take care of ourselves, before we can take care of our loved ones.  Since you are not breastfeeding, Daddy can take some of the night feedings, which gives you some extra sleeping time.  You so need that time.  Also when Ephram is sleeping, you need to sleep too.  The housework will wait.  Your top priority is your rest.  It took me a long time to learn this.  I finally figured it out.  And hubby knew that when the house just wasn't perfect, it was okay.  Baby and I were sleeping or playing.  Getting back to a schedule is good, but it is okay to let loose, once in a while.  Join a mom's group, to share ideas and have some support.  Babies are wonderful, and demanding.  It is not always a smooth transition, and as new moms and dads, it is okay not to know everything.  We learn one step at a time, with lots of mistakes along the way.  Kids are great in that way, they still grow up despite us.  :o)  My oldest just celebrated his 17th birthday on Nov. 7th.  To see him grow is so remarkable and awesome.  We have about 1.5 years with him before he goes to college.  I am still learning how to be a mom!  Steph, you are a great mom, please email me at any time!!!  I was always amazed at the whole birthing process.  It is so remarkable!!!  Ephram is beautiful.  They do grow so fast, I just loved holding my babies and watching them.  Now I hug my son at the waist, as he is 6 foot 3 and I am 5 foot 8.  Rest up, it is going to be an awesome ride!!!!  :o)

It's so hard to find that balance.  It really is.  But it sounds like you are really working to find it.  In the beginning, there really is no way to feel rested.  But it's also just temporary.  Glad you're not having Post Partum Depression.  No fun!

Have fun listening to the Christmas music.  I thought about doing that too.  I love it.  It makes me happy, too!

there is an old rule of thumb for new mothers.....rest when the baby rests....I know it is a hard rule to follow because you feel like you need to get so much done while he is sleeping, however, it will only take you longer to recover and get your strength back.  Just rest each time he sleeps...I promise it will help.  Blessings, Chargail