I was / am soooooooooo happy I was down -5.2 lbs on my first WI on Monday night. I feel great. It's funny now that my stomach is a little bit out of the way I feel like my boobs are soooooooooo big and they are a uni-boob in my sports bra. I have had a hard time doing this WW thing AND exercising. So week one was pure WW and remaining OP. Today I went and worked out. FINALLY started lifting weights again. I know how great that is and am still not sure why it has been so difficult for me to start again. But I have! I made a great activity log to track my workouts so I am on my way. I had 80 lbs to lose....now 75 to go! Both numbers WAY to overwhelming so I am going for 5 lbs. It was great to decide that after Monday and know that the first 5 are GONE!!! So now I am looking to just lose 5 more and stay focused on that mini goal. I plan to look at my overall totat each week but all week long all it is about is staying OP; working out and going for my 5 lb. goals. I will see what I am down this week and keep at it till I hit 5 again. Not "planning" on another 5 in week 2 since I know that is alot in a week. Also hope to stay on track with my workouts-need to measure self! Still have not done that! I will build some muscle now so may not lose weight every week but inches! I got my "fat" jeans on-still can't wear them but could not even get them on last week. So other mini goal is to get in them so that I can be out of them by Christmas/New Years.
It's been great to be back on the WW boards; surfing and reading others blogs for inspiration and truth! Wow the honesty of what is going on internally is amazing to me on what people write. The struggles the ownership of "I am a food addict" etc....I am too! I read and read and am constantly nodding my head, "me too, me too". Glad to know I am not alone. In the vortex of inhaling food and feeling out of control; actually not feeling anything at all since it is like a vaccumed space when I am in it....I am slowing down, breathing and not in haling anything. I could "feel" IT almost starting last night. I had one tiny melt in my mouth chocolate (OP) piece of candy. I enjoyed every sweet sensation. Not sure what is different this time or rather at that time last night. I "thought" about how I "could" inhale a whole bunch more and keep eating. I did NOT do it but even the thoughts of I "could" made me feel out of control and guilty. Guilty about what I just had and the feeling of why bother staying on this since I already blew it etc.... Somehow I was able to remind myself that I am still OP, I did not BLOW it..........calm down, move on , don't eat anymore, you are still on program and with in points. I listened for the first time in a really long time to THAT inner voice instead of the one that barely lets me stop and think and has me just stuffing myself before I know it is happening.
I have "made" it through the first TWO days back OP....Yippee. I don't feel so stuffed anymore and have been doing great with my points. I hope to be back in the saddle for a while here! I was at a B-Day party with my FAVORITE kind of cake. Chocolate frosting with yellow cake.........I had an apple instead of a piece of cake and am so proud of myself. I was offered a piece and just said "no thank you". I also knew that if I really wanted to have it I could have as long as i counted the points-but I 'CHOSE' not to spend my points on cake. There will come a time when I will want to spend those points like on Pumpkin Pie in a few weeks time!
..............I feel like I am going to burst! I ate everything in site over the past few days.....(years probablly)...knowing I was starting ww TODAY....I am grossed out, stunned, humbled........with myself. Thank god I started exercising about 5 weeks ago. I took my 7 year old daughter bike riding since I never do it and she can hardly start and stop on her own. When I was her age I was racing all over the neighborhood. Anyway.......that got me out and running next to her for me to get some exercise today. So far so good, sticking to my points. As always this whole process seems daunting and impossible. Or at least possible for a while then I drop out or get so into it and motivated and then drop out........not sure how to do it this time . Make that life change. Well I do know one way....one day at a time and then again the next day just one day.
I am at the goal period point right now. Made it this moring with normal food intake till 12; then made it till 3:00 ; had healthy snack and now at 4:00 all that is left is dinner; then make it till 8; then make it till bed.....make it meaning don't inhale a whole bunch of food. I am in that detox stage that I know takes about 3 days for me.
I am 7 lbs heavier than when I was pregnant! I have NEVER been in the 2's before now and I am amazed it has happened to me.......... :(
It's wierd how "easy" it becomes to gain 5....get use to it; gain 5 more and then WAKE UP!!!! and wonder how I got here, how have I let myself go....why can't I stop stuffing and eating and gaining.
I went to bed and thanked GOD! for getting through day 3. I have done this so many times now (starting); that I "knew" it would take at least 3 days to "detox" from my food overload. I actually began to feel some feelings of joy at not being stuffed. This morning I "decided" to do this again just for today. Yippee- I made it to and past the 12:00 goal period. I can not get trapped into thinking ahead and to how much I have to; "need" to lose....that throws me off. I am obese; the stats say so. Painful as it is to hear that I want to get out from this unhealthy state. I don't know what will continue to motivate me (ahhhhhhhh I am doing it=thinking ahead) but I'm not sure how to stick with this life style change for the long term. THAT is overwhelming to me since I have not done that ever..........I hope I can keep coming back to "one day at a time, just for today....." and let those days add up.
I woke up this morning and got down on my knee's and "decided" I can do this again-just for today. I asked for help and guidence throughtout my day; "I just need to make it till 12:00; (yeah! I did) ; then till 5:00 and then again till 10:00 and then hit the hay." Those goal periods are for me to count my points and not get sucked into an eating frenzy somewhere along the way. Baby steps right now....slowly slowly bit by bit, step by step. I have to spoon feed myself and change my life and my habbits. I "have" to because I can not live like this anymore. Feeling like a stuffed pig, can not move around well, constant heart burn (which FINALLY on day 3 is beginning to go away). It is like I am detoxing from all this overload of food and constant eating.
I have so many sites to check and was wondering where this blog went....I finally found it. I began WW on Monday the 8th and just completed day 2. At least I made it! Thanks to my friend Jean who invited me to go Monday night. I was in a disbelieving state.
So it came down to the fact that I must DECIDE to lose weight. Well since I feel like that everytime I join up somewhere I was a bit hesitant. So-my leader said to just decide for this week. I left feeling that I could do this for a week. On the morning of day 1 I decided that I need to decide to do this "just for today" and that each day I will make that decision for each day. And each week at my meeting I will decide for the coming week. Day by day , bit by bit...when I think ahead to how great I could look if only I could stick to whatever plan of the minute I am on; then I tend to quit.
So here I am. Decided I could do it for today and I did!
Guilty about what I just had and the feeling of why bother staying on this since I already blew it etc.... Somehow I was able to remind myself that I am still OP, I did not BLOW it..........calm down, move on , don't eat anymore, you are still on program and with in points. I listened for the first time in a really long time to THAT inner voice instead of the one that barely lets me stop and think and has me just stuffing myself before I know it is happening. 