I think last night i got over the hump - i realised that life does go on (of course it does, i just had to convice my brain it does). Spoke to my landlord who was completely cool about it, and he said just to drop the spare key at his office when we change the locks, got a new drivers licence, work is getting me a new phone (work was also equally as cool, he was just like 'yeah, these things happen, dont stress'.
And last night i had a semi deep and meaningful on the phone with the boy (i'm house sitting again, remember?) and explained why i felt so bad - that he works so hard, and i just throw away $300). He's so good. He's perfect. He's amazing. We're going away for the weekend next weekend (it's my birthday! yay!) so i'm going to cook him the yummiest dinner ever.
I've got a cold at the moment too, which really sucks. I went to bed quite early last night and got about 9 hours sleep, so i feel a bit better today.
We've got tomorrow off work in Australia (ANZAC day! hooray!) so am heading back to spend tonight with the boy, and we'll probably just chill tomorrow.
So, i havent really got much else to say. Onwards and upwards - like a few of your messages said... it cant get any worse! Thanks so much for the support guys, i really, really appreciate it.
SpArKLy_StAr
Food eaten yesterday:
Up & Go smoothie for brekkie half piece of white bread toasted with butter Carmens muesli bar Yoghurt MSG loaded instant pad thai packet 2 sausages and some vegies 1 litre water (approx)
From the weight point of view - i ate like shit, drank too much, didnt exercise at all. Friday the boy took me to Sovereign Hill - basically an olden day gold mining town where people dress up in costumes, old buildings etc etc. Had a great day, got a little sunburnt. Food choices were reasonable - i made french toast in morning (oops... but it's one of his favourites, and it was his bday!), we had roast chicken sandwiches for lunch, and then had thai for dinner.
Saturday was all down hill. Had pizza for tea, a few little nibblies at the party and way too much alcohol. was actually quite drunk.
Sunday i was very hung over. Really bad, which is odd considering i dont usually get that way. I had KFC for lunch, and then some leftover thai for dinner.
So BLAH. ridiculous. feel like crap today on all fronts.
Worst of all though, on Saturday night when we were at a club after the party, someone stole my bag. My house keys, drivers licence (so the person who stole it had keys and knew where i lived), about $400, my mobile phone, my mums mobile phone. atm key card. I felt so terrible. I was crying non-stop saturday night, apologised over and over to my mum. Still feel like shit.
So we have to change the locks on the house now. More money.
BLAH. just feel so depressed. and i'm getting a cold. The boy is so good, he keeps saying it's okay over and over, and that he's not mad at me. I'd almost like him to get mad, as stupid as it sounds!
So hopefully i'll be able to drag myself out of this slump and get motivated again. Am house sitting for the next month, and i really just want to be at home - i want to be with my boy and back in my routine.
Okay, so i've gotten over my little hissy fit yesterday. A huge THANKYOU to everyone who left me nice messages. It really, really helps.
I got back home last night with a little peace offering for the boy - a 4X4 magazine. He's lovely. I apologised profusely, and he asked about 3 times if i was okay... and yeah He's a sweetie. I guess the big thing for him is that i dont get my period often, like every 4 months or so, so when i do... it's a bit of a freak out for him. Especially considering we live together, and he's never lived with a woman aside from his mum... so he doesnt really know what he has to do!
Yesterday i got my car back which was very nice. My beautiful black car is going again! I cant look at my credit card statement because it scares me too much, but... it had to be done. Can't earn money if i dont have a car!
Have a feeling this will be my last blog until Monday. I'm taking tomorrow off work so i can spend time with the boy on his birthday (he's taking the day off too) and so we can organise a few things for the party on Saturday. He's got something planned as a surprise for me (my birthday's a week away).
SATURDAY. Yep, thats right, two days away! Am very nervous/excited/looking forward to/scared/everything under the sun. It's going to be a great night, i'm sure. Just a few other elements i'm a bit worried about.
His parents divorced when he was about 5 years old, and they HATE each other ie: havent been in the same room as each other for 25 years. And they're both coming Saturday. so hope it is all okay, and there's no dramas.
My parents are coming to visit too - yay! And my sister as well, who has been going through a few issues lately - a story for another time.
So, this will probably be an evil weekend. Tomorrow is the surprise, and i have no idea what we're doing. Saturday i will undoubtedly eat rubbish, and drink lots of alcohol. Sunday i will be hungover, so it'll be KFC or Hungry Jacks. But HOPEFULLY i can stay good-ish. Maybe i'll drink Vodka and orange instead of Vodka and raspberry? hahaha Or maybe i'll use up all the alcohol calories shaking my booty on the dance floor?
Again, thanks everyone for your support. I really like i'm part of a community - so thankyou.
SpArKLy_StAr
Food eaten yesterday:
2 weetbix with skinny milk
small single serve Goulburn Valley peaches
steamed rice and roasted duck
2 mini prawn dumplings
small piece of hedgehog slice
1 piece of salmon steak (about 200g) baked in oven with garlic
Do you think the world intentionally screws you over? Like, as soon as your happy and everything seems to be going well, mother earth says 'Haha! I got you now!'.
Basically, we've got three cars. One is our four wheel drive that we try and keep for just the bush, because its noisy, big and expensive to run (and i cant drive it). We have the trusty old Festie, which the boy drives to work. And my new car, lets call her black beauty.
So my new car is going to cost about $550 to fix. Turns out something wrong with the fuel pump blah blah.
So the boy drove the 4X4 to work yesterday, i drove the festie. Driving home, i hear this clunk clunk clunk and i'm PETRIFIED. It sounds like my wheel was going to fall off. So the boy had a look at it when i got home, and thinks there's soemthing wrong with my steering. God knows whether he can fix it, or if he cant how much it'll cost.
So i snapped at him last night. I was really rude and cracked at him for nothing. Then i brought up the whole marriage business again (even though i dont REALLY know why, i mean, i'm completely content and happy as we are. Just sometimes my brain turns into another person. THEN... i doubted that he loved me, which is ridiculous. I know he does. How stupid of me to even consider that he doesnt.
And then this morning i got my period. YES, my period. When you read the above, you'd probably think 'duh', you're clearly pre menstrual. But i really rarely get my little friend. So it better go away quickly.
So, at hte moment we only have hte 4x4 going. The boy leaves for work 2 hours before me, so i had no choice but to catch a cab to the train station this morning. Goodbye $15, particularly at a time when we have to pay for my cars to get fixed, and his big birthday bash on saturday.
HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY.
On a weight note, the car clunking meant i didnt make it to the gym. I went to watch the boy at football training instead.
Not sure if i'll get the chance to do any exercise tonight either, depends on whether i get my black beauty back, and how much cleaning i get done so our house doesnt look like a brothel when visitors come this weekend.
BLAH! I better cheer up before the party on Saturday. Feel like i'm going to cry right now.
Un-SpArKLy_StAr
Food eaten yesterday:
Bowl fibre plus with skinny milk
Banana
about 10 rice crackers
tuna & tomato paste sandwich on light rye
1 oven baked chicken drumstick, just a spray of oil
So, decided to go to the gym last night afterall. Wasnt there for a huge amount of time, but i figure it's better than nothing. I did:
10 (0r 15, cant remember) on treadmill, combo of running for 30 secs walking for a minute (forgot my Couch to 5K program at home)
5 minutes on cross trainer
10 minutes on bike
couple of sets of weights with my arms
about 20 squats with a fitball
about 50 sit ups
So i know the loss was only 1.7kgs, and it was probably largely attributed to water/time of the day etc etc, i'm taking it and running!
I realised last night as I was watching the biggest loser, that it's so easy to get into a TBL mindset. I mean, these people are pulling massive figures each week, losing 3,4,5,6 kgs in a week. and i KNOW that probably isnt healthy, and maybe sets them up to put it back on later because it's not sustainable, and i KNOW that they train like 5 hours a day and have the help off a zillion nutrition and fitness professionals... but still. I cant help but go 'whyyyyyyyy?!!?! I want to lose 40kgs in 4 weeks!'
Tonight i'm going to the gym again to do a combat class.
So, anyway, thanks for watching... and stay tuned to me losing 40kgs in 4 weeks! (not)
SpArKLy_StAr
Food eaten yesterday:
2 pieces light rye (one with light peanut butter the other with butter)
1 carmens muesli bar
1 banana
1 salada with light peanut butter
2 beef kebabs with snow peas, onion, parsnip
spoonful of salad
small piece of apple pie (the boy again, i swear he's trying to sabotage me! maybe he likes me being dumpy and fat)
1 medium sized easter egg (on a positive note, they're all gone now!)
Update on the dress situation: car died on the weekend and is going to cost me about $300 to fix, so buying a new dress is COMPLETLEY out of the question! Mapped out my dresses in my head over the weekend, and have decided on a kind of slinky skin showing black halter next number.
Tried it on in front of the boyfriend, and his response was "wear that, you look hot". SO i guess it's that! Need to buy some magic tape though to prevent me exposing my boobies to the family-in-law.
Hopefully i wont be too self concious once i get a couple of drinks into me! As long as i dont tug at the dress all night, and look like one of those silly girls wearing clothes she's not comfortable in (cough cough... me? never!). I'm getting my hair done on Saturday too, so hopefully i'll be feeling ultra HOT.
Weekend was kind of topsy turvy. Went for a 30 minute walk on Saturday and about 40 minutes on Sunday.
Want to go for a walk tonight, but depends on whether my car needs to be picked up from the mechanic. Gym tomorrow, so weigh in then (scary!) Will be doing a combat class - i love them.
Thanks for all the messages guys - i love them! Feel free to make any comments on diet etc as well
Me
Food eaten (from what i remember):
Friday
2 weetbix with skinny milk
banana
some kind of sandwich, dont remember
pizza for dinner (SO evil, was the boy's fault) i had 2 pieces.
Saturday
2 pieces of light rye, one with marg the other with peanut butter
2 sushi rolls, one with salmon and avocado the other chicken terriyaki
shared fried rice from one of those noodle places
handful of peanut m&ms
Sunday
Cooked brekky (boy made me do it again!), 1 hashbrown, tiny bit of bacon, scrambled eggs, 2 slices light rye
1 sausage and handful of chips
Monday (so far)
2 slices light rye, one with butter the other peanut butter
1 carmens muesli bar
1 banana
Dinner: beef kebabs with parsnip and onion & salad.
So it's Friday, and the weekend is coming! Very excited about it! Don't you love four day weeks? Easter is such a good time - so many days off work!
This is my last weekend house sitting in this particular house, then i'm back home for a week, and house sitting for another friend. It's strange that two lots of friends have decided to go overseas at similar times. I think i'll enjoy the second time a bit more - it's closer to the city, good restaurants close by, i can just jump on a tram and be anywhere - i'm excited!
So the boyfriend is coming to where i'm housesitting to stay with me... hooray! We live together, so when we spend a week apart, it feels like forever. I'm strangely excited - it's almost like me staying away puts a bit of spice into our relationship. I'm excited to see him - feels like one of our first dates!
We're going to go ice skating tomorrow then just chill sunday morning, because we have to head back home because he's got football training.
Hopefully next week i can get back into the gym schedule. I might go for a walk sunday night when he's at training, then definitely do a couple of gym classes.
I'm getting a bit nervous about next weekend - we're having a big party for my partners birthday. I'm a bit nervous about what to wear. I'd love a new dress (although i have plenty of nice ones, and probably cant afford it anyway), but i'm too scared to shop. On the same page, i'm too scared to even try on some of my dresses for fear that they wont fit me. Grrrr. I guess i just need to bite the bullet and try something on.
Do you know what one of my biggest fears is? And this sounds crazy, but. I'm scared i'll wear something and feel hot, feel great about myself, think i look really good. Then i'll see photos later, and go 'oh my god, i looked terrible'. This happened at a wedding i went to recently - when leaving the house, i thought i looked great. And afterwards in the photos... man. not happy.
Hrmm... Not much i can do about it in a week though! Guess i'll just have to grin and bear it. I'll try on some dresses on Sunday and let you know how i go.
Hope you have a great weekend. Oh, and if you're reading this - please leave me a message. I love to read them!
SpArKLy_StAr
Food eaten Thursday 19 April:
1.2 litres water (approx)
2 Weetbix & skinny milk
Banana
Tin smoked tuna & two salada biscuits
Handful popcorn
Small Freddo frog
Lean Cuisine Lasagne (surprisingly good Incomplete! I'm going to trust your judgement more! ;) )
It's so comforting to know that you're not alone - as cliche and daggy as that sounds.
I guess i've always been kind of overweight. When i was younger, i was always really active and played lots of sports, so i guess that kept it at bay. Then my life changed, and now i sit behind a desk all day, and my weight kind of ballooned from 80 to 100kgs in about 2 1/2 years.
I've also found that when I just have to cook for myself, i'm more likely to cook rubbish. And since i've been house sitting for the last few weeks (and was living on my own prior to a year ago), i ate badly. When i'm cooking for the boyfriend and me, i'm more likely to go to that extra effort - make a nice casserole, stirfry. But when it's just me - it's so easy to whack some chips in the oven.
Food eaten yesterday:
2 weetbix with skinny milk
carmens muesli bar
half banana
toasted ham cheese sandwich on light rye
couple of handfuls of popcorn
calamari in sweet chilli (just cooked quickly in wok, no oil)
handful of oven baked chips
1.6 litres (approx) of water
OH - i need help with something else. I'm trying to change my blog design, and when i click 'save changes' it takes me back to a screen which says i need to log in. I log in, and try to change the design, and it does the same thing! HELP!
I want to do this to make myself accountable - if i include it as an everyday part of my life, something that needs to be done every single day, then maybe i can make myself do it.
Have kind of jumped off the weight bandwagon lately. I know it's all excuses, but being easter and house sitting i havent eaten well.
House sitting has also contributed to the fact that i havent done any exercise in like, two weeks.
He's a sweetie. I guess the big thing for him is that i dont get my period often, like every 4 months or so, so when i do... it's a bit of a freak out for him. Especially considering we live together, and he's never lived with a woman aside from his mum... so he doesnt really know what he has to do!