'That Picture'

Has anyone had one? The photograph of you that is so awful, it actually gives you a kick up the arse to do something?

I've actually lost 60lbs in just over a year, doing nothing more then moving in with my parents (this meant proper home cooked meals every night, rather then take away). I know I keep harping on about this, but I'm very proud. However, I still have another 40, if not 50lbs to lose!

The last few months I've been doing 'Sweet FA' about it all. I keep meaning to, and 'trying', but giving up... and worst of all I've started bingeing again! I don't know why! I don't enjoy eating the food, because I'm just stuffing it down before someone sees me, and not actually enjoying each mouthful. I feel sick after, and I hate myself after as well!

I did start going out clubbing again, but I've got back into the frame of mind that I don't deserve to go out beause I'm fat! I honestly believe that people think less of people who are overweight! Even I judge people! I look at them and ask myself, why do they let themselves get like that!?

So yesterday, prompted by the weight loss tablets thread on OT, I decided to start on the Xenicol my doctor gave me a prescription for. I took one yesterday evening. My reasoning wasn't so I could lose weight, I know the only sensible way to do that is eat healthily (WW works for me) and exercise. It was, if I binge, I'm going to be getting stomach cramps and having a horrible time on the loo. It was all to stop me bingeing.

I haven't taken one today, as I've felt pretty focused, and actually stopped myself from considering eating/bingeing on anything.

However I've got extra motivation now.

We had our work xmas party on Saturday. Fancy dress. I went as a cow girl - as did the two other girls in my branch. They both got their costumes from the fancy dress shop, I had to 'make' mine as none of the costumes in the shop fit. Still, I thought I looked pretty good. I've just found a picture of me on the night, with the two other girls. I look disgusting. I look awful. I nearly cried.

I'm now emailing this picture to my home email, and I'm going to have it printed off onto proper photo paper, and I'm going to stick it up in the house. Every time I feel like bingeing, or not sticking to the diet (just having a day off - which always turns into a week, which magically turns into a month) I'm going to look at this picture.

I'm now asking myself "Why did I let myself get like this!?".

That Picture

Yes, I had that picture.  I rode with my boyfriend on his motorcycle to Mt. Rainier in July 2005 and he took a picture of me sitting in front of a small waterfall.  At the time I thought I looked good that day (I was about 190 pounds) but after really looking at it I became upset and it played a small part in motivating me on Weight Watchers.

At my old apartment I taped it onto the inside of the snack cupboard.  I have since lost it. It was the best "before" picture I had but I no longer have access to it.

I know how you felt when you were upset by the picture. :(  I am sorry that it nearly brought you to tears.  You have done wonderfully so far!!!  You know you will get there.  Are the pills helping you not have the desire to binge?  I hope they help you, this is the toughest time of year when it comes to eating.

Leanne

Pills

I tried those pills and they made me so ill. I spent so much time on the loo from eating the smallest amount of fat, it just goes straight through you. I really didnt get on with them. I hope you have better results. i'm on different ones from the doc now called reductil which are an appetite suppressant. They are fabulous. Good luck with it, as Leanne says, you have done so well. Dont give up

Cat

p.s

you have a right to 'keep on' about your loss. It's amazing and you should be so proud of yourself! Get out there and shout it from the rooftops!!!

Cat

Hey

Hope you had a great Christmas. Look forward to reading your blog soon, I hope you haven't given up!

Cat

kindness

Don't forget to throw in a little kindness to yourself.  I agree, overweight people are often devalued, especially in the dating/club scene, but it does not mean it is true. 

That weight loss is AWESOME!