Day Two

Well I'm still going strong on day two.  I did waiver for a few minutes but I went and posted on Minimins and it passed.  I'm trying to (and have so far) save two points a day ready for my meal out on Friday.  It's a leaving do for a colleague and we're all going for Italian, but it's my favourite restaurant so I've already decided what I'm having - a really nice salad, can't wait actually.

It's incredibly busy at work, feels like it should be Friday already.  I can't believe I'm so shattered and it's only Tuesday - three more days to go! <dramatic sigh>.

Oh well, that's two days on the plan so far, onto the third tomorrow!

New target date...

Lots of things have been going on lately, I've really struggled with motivation and staying on track, I've been really busy, and I've also been feeling a bit sorry for myself (lonely etc).

I've been offered a promotion at work and have accepted it - I officially start in my new capacity on 2nd July - fingers crossed that it all goes well.

I've given myself a new target date - well two really.  I really want to go down a dress size/lose a stone by my birthday which is on 22nd of July because I'm planning on having a good night out, and I won't be able to relax and enjoy myself unless I've lost a good bit of weight.

The second date is when I go on a training course in September.  I'll be seeing people that I haven't see for.. well it'll be a year then... and I want to look really different and shock them.  I also know that if I've lost a good amount of weight my confidence will improve so I won't be so nervous about going on this course and meeting all the people on it - what's more nerve wracking is the fact that I've already done the first half and so I'm going to be coming in half way through when everyone has already had a chance to get to know each other.

So anyway - Fresh start tomorrow (I know we always say 'tomorrow' but I really mean it).  I'm going to be on track 110%.  Am having to go out for a meal with work on Friday, but we're going to our local Italian so I already know what I'm having (a salad - but it's really nice) and I'm going to try and save up some points this week to minimise the damage.

 

Still on track...

Well I kinda slipped up today and weighed myself.  I do feel better for it because I'm back in the 13s.  There is a possibility I will weigh myself on Monday, not sure if I can wait until 1st May.  I'm so impatient it's awful! lol

I definately won't be weighing myself before Monday though as I'm out for a meal tomorrow.  Even though I've saved some points yesterday and today, and will for the rest of the week to make up the points, I'm not so naive that I don't realise I will put on weight tomorrow.  It's the overall weight that matters though, and I still deserve to enjoy myself.

Anyway, I just wanted to check in.  Thanks for your comment Leanne, it's good to know I'm not the only one who feels like that.  I really appreciate it.

Back on Track!

First of all, thank you so much for the comments.  It helps to know that there are people out there who understand what it's like and will support you.

Well I had a big long talk with my mum on Thursday Night, we were both trying to work out why we couldn't stick to the plan. We kept coming up with all these reasons, then we played with the idea of trying Cambridge Diet again... But if we can't cut down on food how are we going to cut it out?

We were trying to work out all these ways to help us lose weight, and I said that at the end of the day it's common sense - you burn more calories then you consume! That's it, it's that simple!

Now I played with the idea of doing something like 'instictive eating' or Paul McKenna, but at the end of the day I don't stop eating when I'm full - I just don't!

I actually grew fed up with myself moaning about it all the time. Why am I fat? Why am I overweight? Simple answer, because I eat more then I burn up!

So I wrote out my 'main meal' menu for the rest of the week, although it looks like that's going to change as I was talking to a couple of people at work today about food, and they mentioned things like Knorr Sizzle and Stir, and I remembered using a Homepride BBQ sauce which was lovely - we had it with chicken, and then baked a potatoe each, and then cut them into quarters and sprayed them with some more fat and cooked them for a further 20 minutes - Lovely potatoes wedges.

Then I remembered that the first time I lost weight I used to eat stir fry veg (with chicken), not every day but it's a meal I haven't had in years. And we came up with a few ideas for pasta - I'm not a big fan of the sauces, but we came up with ideas for cold pasta salads which I enjoy.

I'm out for a meal next Wednesday, but I can still stick to the plan for 5 days (including today) before then. I'm not going to worry about saving points, and on the day I'm just going to have my usual breakfast, a small but filling lunch (soup and a roll) and then whatever I want for the meal. But this time I'm going to stop before I'm bloated, before I feel like I need to roll home because I can't move. Not to help lose weight, but because I know that I'll enjoy it more then!

Also, I'm only going to weigh myself once a month, I weighed myself at the beginning of this week, but I've probably put on some weight since then, so I'm setting my starting weight at 14st. From now on my weigh day is going to be the 1st of every month. My weight flutuates so much over the weeks (fluid etc) that getting weighed monthly will give a better picture, and it means I don't think that a whole week is ruined simply because I've been out for one meal!

I used to get weighed every morning and it decided for me what mood I was going to be in and how good I was going to be on the diet or if I even followed it that day. Getting weighed once a month, as long as I'm sticking to the plan I'm guaranteed a weight loss, whether I've had a meal out that month or not!

I feel really positive, and think I may have had the click again - although only time will tell.

Thanks again for the support, it really helps!

How?

I don't know what to do. I'm really struggling, I've fallen off the wagon big time. I haven't followed the plan for more then a day for a few weeks now.

I just keep thinking, if I ever lose the weight I'm still going to be on a diet the rest of my life, I'm still going to be watching what I eat.

I'm fed up with obsessing about food, I've had enough. It's on my mind all the time, whether I'm hungry or not. During the last few weeks I have I purged, vomited, and purged some more. I don't consider myself to be bulimic. I don't set out planning to vomit, I just end up eating too much (I can't stop, even when I feel sick I continue) and then feeling ill. There's no regularity to it either, it's not like it's a few times a week or something. Anyway, that's not my point.

I desperately want to eat healthily, I desperately want to KNOW how to eat healthily. I know that the way I follow WW isn't healthy, I eat too much rubbish. I know the way I follow SW or any other plan isn't healthy, because I eat the same thing all the time.

I don't know of different meals to try, I pretty much have the same meals every week. I don't know how to cook, I'm too lazy to learn. I can't afford a meal replacement diet, and even if I could I don't have the will power.

I really hate myself right now, and can't see any light at the end of the tunnel. I just feel like I'm going to be like this forever. I'm so tired of hating myself, of not being able to look in the mirror, of eating for the sake of it.

How do I fix this? What do I do?

Small trip off the wagon...

Well I've been gone a long time.  Basically I thought I was slipping back into my depression - But I wasn't, it was the Pill!!!  Basically I went back on it about 3 months ago and it's really been playing havoc with my emotions!  I realised this and came off of it a couple of weeks ago and I feel so much better.

I did get weighed a couple of days early the other week, and saw that I had put on 2lbs even though I'd stuck to the plan 100%.  For me that was the last straw, and I just forgot about the diet whilst focussing on my emotional and mental health!  Feeling a lot better, although I struggled getting back on the diet the following week, and that didn't really work out - although I did lose 1lb!

However I was back on it 100% on Monday, and... well first of all I'm just going to explain that I've changed my weigh in day.  I've decided to weigh on a Sunday.  That means that if I want a treat on a Saturday I have to save the points, but I can still have a small treat on a Sunday and 'claw back' the points over the next couple of days.

Although having said that, I think it might also keep me more motivated over the weekend if I'm getting weighed in the middle of it!

Another reason is because when I weigh I go onto Minimins and post about it, update the challenge, change my ticker etc etc. I want to do that straight after I've got weighed, but with going to work I need to weight until lunch time or I finish for the day!

Anyway - I've changed my weigh day today... and this week I have lost... 4lbs!!!! That's my March goal achieved in just 1 week!!! Although,  I am slightly concerned that that might go back on next week.  I don't know why, but even when I stick to it I do worry about it.

So anyway, that's 4lb off this week.  I'm off to update my ticker and everything else, and hope that I don't put any on next week! lol
 

The one thing I can control!

I have to admit to have struggled a little bit this week.  I had a really hard time at work last week - it's improved a little now, I'm not happy, but it's enough for now.  Anyway, I desperately wanted to turn to comfort eating, there were times when I just thought "Stuff the diet!"... But I stuck to it!

The reason?  The points I have every day?  At the moment that's the one thing I'm completely sure about and have control over.  I don't know what I'm going to do about work... I'm planning on sticking it out until the end of March when I can phone the local tv station again, and then review the situation then.  But I don't actually know, or have any specific control.  I can control whether or not I stay or go, but I can't control what opportunities are out there, and if my ideal job will get offered to me.

But I can control what I eat and drink.  Although I can't control the amount I lose each week, I can control the fact that it will keep coming off!  That's one of the main things keeping me going now.  Everything is out of my hands, except for that.  So that's what I'm focusing on.  And it seems to be working!

I lost another 2lbs this week!  That's 13lbs so far this year, nearly a stone!  And 63.5lbs in total!

I'm so happy!

And so motivated!

And so completely in control!

Still going!

Thank you for your lovely comments.  It does help knowing that there are people out there, who even if I've never met them or spoken to them, they're following my progress.  And it is progress!!  This week I lost another 2lbs!  That's 11lbs so far this year and 61.5lbs in total!

I'm having trouble sleeping, but that's me actually getting anxious about not being able to get to sleep - vicious circle.  I'm going to call the doctors in about 20 minutes to make an appointment.

I'll post a better blog later. xx

One month down!

Well today was my last weigh day of this month.  Last week I lost 1lb, this week I lost another 3lb!  That's a total of 9lbs in one month!

I'm so happy, and even more motivated then ever.  It is a bit difficult, not having 'treats' when I want them - but that's obvious.  I wouldn't be where I am now if I craved healthy food, and hardly ever wanted chocolate or cakes.

I'm enjoying it so far, or rather, I'm really enjoying losing the weight which is making everything else seem so much better! 

I've worked it out!!

I know why I've been staying the same!! It's so obvious I could kick myself!! I've come across a few reasons.

1. My 'diet' was boring. My body got complacent. I've changed it. Not the same breakfast every day, not the same dinner or lunch every day, not even the same snacks. It also includes a lot more fruit, veg and salad which is extrememly filling!
2. Not enough exercise. I've stepped it up this week - pun intended - I've been on two decent walks so far, planning on another one today and tomorrow... as well as my golf today. I've found my pedometer, and although 10,000 steps is my main aim, my first one is 7,000.
3. I haven't been measuring my milk or orange juice! The milk was the first one that was brought to my attention, as my mum mentioned that she was going to get a little one pint cartoon to take to work with her etc. Then she said that my dad had told her we get through 4 pints a day between us - and only my mum and I have the skimmed milk. Then it was pointed out to me that I have lots of coffee at work, and that uses semi skimmed milk. So I've been going over my points by at least 2 a day!

Then when I was getting my orange juice at breakfast today, I decided to measure it 'just in case'! Turns out I've been having about an extra 25ml a day... not much, but it works out nearly a point a week.

So hopefully, things will be better on Monday, or I'm even prepared to wait until next Monday to see a decent result, as I've only realised two days before weigh day - But at least I know now!!