I'm going on the bike damn near every day now but I'm still not losing any weight. Apparently the 2lbs weight loss from last weekend was a fluke because it's been back at 212lbs for the rest of the week with some dawdling at the 211.5lbs mark. Hardly the kind of weight loss I'm excited about when I'm aiming to lose 2-3lbs a week if I ever want to weigh something normal by New Years. Very discouraging. I already don't eat that much, none of it I would classify as 'bad', most of my calories comes from cereal which silly old me thought was supposed to be good for you even with almonds and raisins in it (fruit and nuts are bad now?). If I cut out the cereal then I will be cutting out the only food I actually enjoy eating. Okay so salads are pretty refreshing but I put dressing on, by itself it's not all that fabulous, but cereal with a chopped banana I actually look forward to eatting. This is meant to be a lifestyle change, not a diet, and I want to be able to eat yummy cereal, not spend the rest of my life eatting bland low calorie crap for fear of putting on weight. I'm just frustrated that's all. It was never this hard to lose weight before. Does this mean I'm getting old or what?

Again with the negative titles but it is an apt one. It's disheartening to go on the exercise bike for half an hour 4 days in a row and have gained a pound. Especially when yesterday's half hour was so hard.

I was up an hour early so I was hungry an hour earlier than usual and ate breakfast an hour before I went on the bike rather than soon after. Not a good idea. I thought an hour was sufficient time for it not to be a problem. Evidently this wasn't the case. I struggled after 20m to work off the calories needed to get to 260kcal in 30m. Usually it's no problem doing 260kcal, it gets the heart rate up and makes me sweat but it's never been that desperate a goal before. By the end of the half hour I went all the way up to level 7 for 7m (no mean feat considering it's usually 6 which is the tough loving level in the last few minutes to push me over the edge) and that was after being at level 6 since about 15m in. It was utter hell, let me tell you; I was drenched in sweat, my legs ached and all in all I was feeling a mix of emotions. Proud I pushed through the pain etc etc and wound up feeling like I did a better workout than I had before and at the same time annoyed/upset because I'd had to work so hard for the same result as before. Sorry, but isn't increased exercise supposed to mean this stuff becomes easier, not harder?

Add to that waking up today and weighing myself and discovering yet another pound has crept on despite the birthday cake being gone and eatting salad and fruit everyday, I am not pleased. I never had to work this hard to lose weight before, it just kind of happened with the slightest increase in activity. Now I'm actively trying really hard to change my eatting habits and exercise more and it doesn't seem to be making a dint. Which brings us back nicely to today's title. Disheartened much? It makes me want to say screw going on the bike today. I went on the bike on monday when I wasn't feeling it because I thought to myself, I might not want to do this but I DO want to lose weight and this is how it's going to happen. Since apparently that's not true then what the heck am I supposed to say to convince myself to get up, get dressed and waste half an hour I could be spending doing something I enjoy, like the reading I have no time for?

Take-out in place of reservations + cake made from mix brought back from america by mum especially = 2lb weight gain. Awesome! Happy birthday to me and all that.

I can't wait for mum to go back to work so I can get back 'on track'. I don't like to use the exercise bike in the living room when people are around to hear the telltale squeaking of a fat person trying to lose weight on a machine that sounds like it's being tortured.

EDIT: But maybe I should screw self-consciousness and just get on the bike anyways? No time like the present etc etc.

It's probably not the best sign in the world that my 'introductory post' is so negatively titled but that's life. I lost weight easily and without consciously intending to at uni from walking to lectures/seminars 2-3 times a week and not eatting much from being too lazy/cheap to go into town to get more food and having to be able to actually carry it back with me. At home I get huge portions of not fantastic (health-wise) food from my mum's home cooking and I don't have anywhere to go, walking or otherwise, hence weight gain.

I'm trying to eat healthily now, Jordan's crunchy cereal (with honey, almond flakes and raisins) or weetabix with a chopped banana for breakfast, salad with a bit of coleslaw for lunch and sometimes salad again for dinner or pasta in the case of last night or nothing since I eat lunch late anyways. I snack on fruit and maybe 1-2 small round pieces of chocolate and drink a tonne of water and try to drink a glass of pink milk a day with added vitamins and minerals, as well as taking a one-a-day multivitamin.

I go on the bike every other day for half an hour if I can help it, but now I'm thinking I might have to step that up to once a day since I really need to be losing 2-3lbs a week (2.5lbs being a healthy amount to lose) so that's pretty much 0.5lb a day and that's just not happening. Maybe trying to lose 5st in 6 months is ambitious, but considering how dearly I lack ambition in anything and the fact that even if I undershot that even to lose 4st in 6 months would be a pretty great achievement, I figure why the hell not aim high and fall short but still be happy? Also, considering I won't have access to my own exercise bike come september and will be facing seriously expensive gym fees or walking for significantly longer than half an hour daily when I move to london I want to lose as much as possible in these two initial months. Seeing significant weight loss would motivate me to keep going despite gym fees/long walks after a full work day.

That's my story, I guess. I've always been overweight for my age/height and I don't want to be anymore.