11/02/2009 06:28
Is it really November already?
My body feels off with time change. I think I was ready for bed already at 7pm. After yesterday, I was pretty discouraged today. I got up and went to church. After I got home I took a four hour nap. I did get back on track with the eating. I almost skipped my workout, but my husband got on my case about it. I told him he lost the husband of the year award that he got for not getting on my case yesterday. LOL. He was nice about it. He just said he didn't want to see my throw away what I wanted for myself for one bad day. He walked with me (for 30 minutes) so that helped. When I got back,I did the toning ball workout for about 40 minutes, then watched Bride Wars. I had gotten behind on watching the Netflix movies I have here in the house.
I did what I have been meaning to do for a week. I put the scale away in the closet. You see, I am a scale addict. Everytime I go into the bathroom, I weigh myself, which is ridiculous. I am really going to try to stick to just once a week at my Jenny Craig weigh in.
I need to call tomorrow in response to the voicemail I got to see if I was interested in interviewing. I feel pretty insecure about it. It really is something that I've never done before and frankly, I feel inadequate and unqualified. My friend is the director of nursing there. We are not close friends, exactly. We are old classmates. She will be sitting in on the interview- so hopefully I do not embarrass her. I have been honest all along though with what I know and don't know. This would really help us alot with saving money for the adoption. I kind of feel a lot of pressure to get it for the sake of our family, even though it means driving. Whenever I worry I eat... so I just need to be really careful.
I wish I could be like my husband. He can leave a snicker bar on the counter for days until he gets around to wanting it. I can't even get one home from the store. When I stress-- I eat. It's not pretty. So-- new goal... find a substitute comfort. Maybe lots of prayer?
As I am getting older, I find myself not desiring a hot body like I used to when I was young. I just miss my body feeling healthy and strong. When I think of how I want to be, I imagine I can feel strong muscles and energy. i've been trying to visualize that. I am hoping that the payoff results in that, lessening fibromyalgia symptoms, and hopefully a pregnancy. Maybe I am hoping for too much with the pregnancy, especially since the fertility treatments didn't work- but you never know. Hopefully, someday I will feel more like myself again; confident, alive, capable, and worthwhile.