10/30/2009 04:18
Day 21
Today I struggled to get through the day. I was so fatigued. I think maybe I overkilled on the exercise yesterday because the fibromyalgia definitely flaired up. I think I easily could have stayed home from work and stayed in bed. I got there and got done what I needed to get done though. After work we had our employee recognition dinner. It was ok. I was worried about eating a non JC meal, but it was catered and the portions were small- so it wasn't like a resteraunt meal. I think I probably did ok. I skipped the bread but ate the mashed potatoes and dessert ( small peice of spice cake). When I got home I did the Jenny Craig/GIAM toning ball workout which was wierd because my husband kept walking by and looking at me like I had three heads. He is supportive though and is a good guy, and didn't make fun of me. LOL. There is a lot of stretching in it and now I feel really relaxed. I really liked it.
Last night when I was laying in bed I was thinking about how long my unhealthy obsession with food has been going on. I was thinking about how when I was a kid and one of us kids wasn't home, my mom would save a peice of dessert for us. I would sneak and eat the desserts of the other kids. I never stole anything in my life, so why I would steal their food and eat it in hiding I wil never know. I felt really shameful thinking about it and it happened like, 25 years ago. I know I can make positive food choices now, but I'm not sure how to fix that messed up thinking about food. I look forward to food all day long. I always have. LOL. I guess it is a pleasure of mine. Hmmm. Lots to think about now.
Off to bed.