LL Dy 117 - confessional ...

.... So, here comes weekly confession.  This is sgetting to be a habit, and not a good one.

I first fell off the LL wagon on day 84 or so, and have struggled ever since.

Last weekend we were in Switzerland, have now just got back from Portugal.  What a glamorous life, eh?!    :-)

I'd done ok all week, although felt hungry all the time.  On Friday I put the LL packs in the suitcase, with every intention of staying abstinant.

Got to Heathrow and it all went wrong.  The BA lounge had food everywhere!  I started off saying I wasn't having any but Andrew tucked into the sandwiches and wine - and why not - but my resolve weakened pretty quickly and I tucked in too.

Felt pretty ill shortly afterwards, not to mention guilty.  Flight was delayed and it was 10.30 by the time we got to Lisbon.  Was pretty much straight to bed so I couldn't be tempted again.  Although I did try the chocolate the hotel had left out!

Stuck to packs on Saturday.  Had a shake whilst everyone else tucking into lunch and felt quite pleased with myself.  Even went out to dinner at a restaurant which had absolutely no veggie food on the menu so I was fine having another shake as everyone ate.

Then it all got the better of me.  Found myself dragging Andrew around the streets of Lisbon looking for Portugese custard tarts.  Eventually found some, but they were mass-produced and a bit plasticky.   Would have bought chocolate if I could have found any.

Today was yet another new day and new start.  Yeah, right.  Got me as far as the airport.  In the lounge they had proper custard tarts.  So, I had to try one!   And another.  Don't even remember how many I ate.  The lounge staff must have been disgusted!

But, the holiday is over and I am now back on the wagon.  I don't have any other social engagements for the next few weeks (other than a pub quiz, and I can cope with that) so I determined to stay on track.  Must get over the complacency.

Only have half a stone to go before I start management.  Well, I did.  Have a nasty feeling I'll have put on at WI tomorrow. 

bonjaz!

You might not have put weight on!!  It is so bloody hard having come off - I've been ok all week but I am REALLY REALLY struggling.  I'm so overwhelmed with life at the moment which is just STUPIDLY crazy, I can't tell you - I'm getting up at ridiculous o'clock to revise and fill in application forms and who knows how many interviews I'll have coming up - in the middle of my finals.... AAARGH!!!

Sorry - had to moan a bit there.

Anyway, back to you!  Well frankly I don't know if I could go to Portugal and not have custard tarts!!!  I find it hard enough to pass our local shop - which just happens to be Portuguese and sells custard tarts!!  Actually the nearest commercial establishment to us (which was a pub) has closed down and is going to become a Portuguese restaurant and bar!!

I have promised myself though that if I fall off again I'm going to just go onto maintenance because I don't want any more of these bingetastic episodes - have to say I'm terrified of coming off but also completely fed up with being on LL!!

It's like a blessing and a curse really.  Now I've lost this weight I'm living in constant fear of putting it back on!

Talking all about me again!

All I can say is all the old platitudes - don't beat yourself up about it - there's no point really is there!!  Keep your eyes on the prize - only just over a month to go to the big day right!!  Then you can stuff yourself silly and hopefully get a good stuffing at the end of the day too!

(oops that was a bit crude wasn't it!)

Can't wait to see you Tuesday - I haven't seen you since quite a few stone ago so I'm looking forward to the new you!!

Definitely go to your meeting tomorrow though - I think that will help keep you on the straight and narrow!

big hugs - sorry for the incomprehensible message - I've frazzled my brain with revision!!  It's only little and there's no more room for stuff in there!

GG

xxx