This past month was very tough.  Looking back over my blogs I started on this site when I was struggling with my weight loss and I have been struggling ever since.  On a positive note-slow but overall progress at least.  I have a huge problem with sweets.  I decided that I just shouldn't have them in the house.  I feel bad for the kids but it is better for them too.  Its weird, I will have a great day but then have a smushed tastycake when I empty my kids lunchbox from school! I have tried all the diversion tatics-are you hungry, do you really want this, going for a walk etc but I just become obsessed with whatever it is that I want at that time.  I am really starting to have an understanding of addictions.  Not sure if I have a food addiction but if someone has the same obsessions but it is alcohol or drugs  it must be similar.  I posed that question to myself the other day-if it was drugs or alcohol I wanted, would I stay away from it.  I don't know, since I just get fat for eating that stuff and there are worse consequences for drugs and alcohol-I think I would be able to stay away more however I think I would relapse and can see how people do.  The dietician I see said the problem isn't really going off your eating plan 1 time or 1 day-it is really how long it takes you to "recover"  So you eat a tastycake-get over it and move on!  Don't not exercise that day because of it or eat more.  I try to keep that in mind because that is exactly what I do and it can last for weeks!

Ok, the last 5 pounds were a struggle and there were some new things going on as well-   

-I am done with the total optifast part of the weight loss plan.  I can eat now.  I have been eating for the last 1/2 of the program at times anyway but now the focus of the classes are on food.  I had a great class on protein but miss the classes that focused more on lifestyle,whats behind why we eat, I don't know how to classify those classes but more than a few lightbulbs went on during them!  These classes should be interesting too but I just feel I am not at that level yet.  I am actually a little overwhelmed what to eat.  We add a little more each week but I have been going back and forth with eating and having the optifast.  It is so much easier just doing that but I can't do that forever!

-At the same time-I went back to another weight loss doctor I have gone to for years.  When they started talking about the new eating plan at Optifast, it reminded me what he has been telling me for years.  I am a little dissapointed that I have to do both but this is hopefully a temporary thing.  The catch is that he gives out diet pills-phendimetrazine.  Well, it's not a catch-thats why I went back.  I am hoping just to do it for a little while since I have been really struggling since mid Feb.  I wanted to do this without pills but I really need all the help I can get at this point. Just started on Tuesday so it hasn't been a full week yet.  Thank goodness I have such a supportive husband.  He is behind me 100% with this.  He has been that way for YEARS.  Cheers for me when I lose, supports when I gain it back.  I am very lucky, I really couldn't deal with someone who wasn't like him in addition to having to lose the weight.  

-Exercising has become pretty much a daily thing.  I haven't even had to really think about it unless I have a really busy day and I have to plan it.  I have been walking at least 2 miles to 4 miles each day.  My goal is 2 but my 10 year old likes to go to feed the ducks which are about a mile away so we walk there and back too.  I don't mind doing it because its not something I HAVE to do but just a nice walk with my daughter.  My husband and I also go for a longer walk than I usually do a few times a week.  He has been encouraging me I can go further and I always resist but he's right.  I do fine when I go.  It's a time thing too-I don't always have time to do that everyday but hopefully that will change. I also am wearing my pedimeter(sp?) everyday.  If I forget, it is almost like when you forget your cell phone-just kinda bummed.  I can pretty much tell if my day was over 10,000 steps or not.  Mostly they are.  I have had some days that I am up to 15,000!  If my day is under 10,000 steps it is usually because I haven't walked that day.  Drinking water or a diet beverage has also become easier.  I seem to grab something without thinking about it.  The only times I don't get it in is if there is something I have to do that I won't have access to a bathroom.  Then I hold off on the drinking.  Just happy it isn't a "chore" anymore.  Hopefully other things I have struggled with will start becoming more routine.

So-After all this babbling-here are my goals for this week-

1.  Stay on the eating plan as the optifast program wants-eat one healthy meal/day.

2.  Continue with at least 8 glasses of non caloric drinks/day

3.  Continue with at least 2 mile walk/day

4.  Need to start consistantly doing resistance exercises-start with bands and situps.  I usually do them in the beginning of the week then forget...My arms and stomach are horrible.  Hoping this will start to get them into shape.

5.  I would like to get on this site daily, not to blog but to read blogs and start using some of the logs.  Would be happy for a few times/week.

6.  Lose at least 2 lbs by this time next week-don't creep back up into the 190s!

Finally got recent measurements in.  Should have done them when I started but at least they are in now.  I also want to post some pictures.  I already know what my before picture is-it is one of the things that started me on this wt loss journey.  I went to lunch with some girls from High School.  Most of us are over weight so it wasn't a comparison thing.  I just looked HUGE!  I couldn't believe it.  I thought I looked nice that day too.  So I want to crop myself out of that one and use it.  I also need a picture now-1/3 of the weight off.  My son is going to the prom Friday night so maybe I will have my husband take a picture of me then.  

Sorry for the long post.  Have a great day/week!