I got a few half assed pics that i loaded, I will try to get better ones. For some reason they keep turning out so dark. Seems that they only turn out well when I take them
Go figure!
I was so angry at something else going on in my personal life I almost cancelled so that I could cry and fume and just be miserable.
But I didnt! I went and right now I am sooooo happy I did. Giving myself a change really did help me see I am a beautiful woman.
Now if only I could bring my stylist home with me Id be assured to always look this cute. But alas I can not! =(.
Hopefully I can do what she did tomorrow . hehe
Ok so unaficial weigh in today would be 170.6 or somthing Again I didnt make it to my meeting cuz I had the car thing to do, but thats what it was at 830am. So if it holds and is true then I lost 4.2 lbs this week! OH YEAH BABY!!
Next week It will be offical. I am hopeing to break out of the 170's and hit my 160's. WHOO HOO!!!
I feel really good right now. Free. Free to just be beautiful and hitting my goal and just free to be me. Its great.
Thank you so much for the support EP blogging buddies.
Ok so here is the low down as short as I can make it.
Mr. Break my heart bailed of course. No big surprise no heart break really. Too much other crap to deal with.
My car... just bought it in January is having electrical issues, found out its on the FEMA list as being registered in a FEMA hurricane disaster area from Katrina. GREAT!!!
NOT!
So after lots of calls I got the sales manager to agree and allow a trade. Whew! Tomorrow Morning I have to deal with that.
But I only have two hours to get it all done because then I have my hair appointment. Now the car is mighty important but this is my only chance to cut my hair. Wow! If you have ever bought a car you know it takes FOREVER! So I hope that works out for me. Keep your fingers crossed.
Then I have to get kids from their visit with Dad and blah blah blah.
Wont even make it into weigh in. 1st time I’ve missed in almost 2 months and I am a bit sad, but stuff has to get done so what can I do. Not avoiding my accountability. Ill weigh anyway for the BLC #2 .
Now for the exciting part!! Ready!!!!
I went to Wal-Mart tonight. They had sales so I got the kids some stuff for tomorrow but I looked at jeans.
Now .. I was wearing 18 or 19 juniors.
Today... Drum roll!!!!!
A 14!!!!! whooo hoo!!!!
Yes it's a miss’s size and not the cutsie juniors but they friggin fit and are actually baggy in the butt. Just not the tummy of course. I also got a sweater, since its cold tomorrow, that was only $5 bucks! Can’t beat that.
I am so excited about the size thing. Its possible they may have fit 2 months ago but I never even tried. But they fit today and that’s what matters.
YAY ME! Never going to see an 18 in my closet again!
Funny though, I still see the same me. NO IDEA WHY!!! But oh well.
Tom stopped, but I still feel like he is here. Strange huh? Oh well.
Got my work out in last night, today not so much. I rested, as I was exhausted from being up all night with the little one. Was going to try tonight but .... Well... We shall see. 1st week I’ve blown off so many. Can't make that a habit AT ALL!
I hope you all have a great weekend and cheers to all your weight loss.
I don't think I can hike on Saturday. The weather is not supposed to be good so therefore I am unsure about the roads. BOOOOO !!!
I want something nice for myself, a treat per say. I did really work hard to get that 10 % and I am working hard now to stay committed, so.....
I have decided I am cutting my hair. I don't mean a trim either.
I have had long hair for years; I never change the style it just grows. It’s me. It’s my shelter my security blanket and I think its what makes me attractive.
I think its time for a change. Time to be confident and beautiful and all that with out my security blanket on my head.
So... I go in Saturday and it will be much shorter then it is now. I am scared to death. I have to admit this here. I am scared I will look awful or ugly even. Sometimes I think I carry all my beauty in my hair. But really I think men are just attracted to it cuz they can pull it.
Who knows, what I do know is its time for a change, something.... Hopefully they don’t kill it and butcher it and make me want to run home and cry!!!!
Today has been a hard day. Mr. Break my heart blew me off again today. I was to have plans with him on Friday/Saturday but I think he will not show. He just wanted to torture me. It’s like a fun game to make the fat girl cry. I am stupid for loving someone who could care less about me. I know this; it’s ending rather quickly though. In my heart. Each time .... Each time he does it I go further and further away. But I get stronger and stronger inside. Maybe I should thank him for that. Who knows?
I worked all day alone, as our systems crashed again and apparently I am the girl that just HAS to work her butt off while no one else needs to.
Then tonight I got pulled back into work cuz my boss cant handle the workload alone and my other team member system went down.
Its so bad working from home. They know exactly where to find you when they want too.
So , I got one work out in today. Wasn’t into it as much as usual but i still worked it. Should of already had the other one done but then i got stuck working. So hopefully I can finish that here soon then get kids to bed. I need it bad, more so to relieve the stress i feel inside then the physical benefit of it.
I will let you know how that goes. LOL. My machine is so loud otherwise id do it right before bed and my shower but its a small apartment so I fear waking up the crabby three year old.
I may have to skip it. And I REALLLYYYYY!!!!! Need it.
I am gonna try hard to get pics up on Saturday. The before hair cut and after. LOL. Got to find someone to take the picture though. When I say I am always alone, I really mean that. No one even around to take a stupid picture. LOL
Oh well. Its Thursday night, I have a very very long day tomorrow and another hour drive up to the north side of Colorado to meet my youngest dad.
Have you ever noticed.... The overweight seem to always take care of everyone’s needs , or meet everyone else’s needs but their own.
I’m seeing that. Like no wonder I neglected my own body and got fat. Jeesh
Hopefully Saturday will reveal a beautiful me I can be proud of. I am hoping. Fingers crossed!!!!
I hope you all have a great night, Cheers to Friday!!!!
My three year old kept me up ALL night having bad dreams and then my work systems went down so this morning I woke up to 14 pages of work to do ALONE!
And my normal cycle for TOM is just about 4 days, but of course not this time.... OHHHH NO!
It stopped then started in full force again today. OMG IM DYING!!!
My head is just pounding and I missed a work out last night though I got in my first one, and I missed my afternoon one today.
So I caved, I’m drinking coffee which I gave up almost 3 months ago on the hopes it will perk me up to get in at least 30 minutes on the ET tonight.
Exercise does tend to help the head ach but this is turning into a migraine. OUCH OUCH OUCH!!!
Sigh... Man, being a woman is the best!
Think when I come back in my next life I'll ask to be an ant so I can get stepped on with in 24 hours of my life and just get the pain over with!
HAHA! Just kidding, my luck some little kid would put me under a magnifying glass and burn me to death but leave half of me alive to wiggle around for a day or two.
Good news is, so far it does not look like my Saturday events will affect me too much. If anything I just wont loose but it does not looked like I've gained. Whew!
Ok girls and guys & stalkers alike, Have a great one.
I have upped my incline on my ET machine. You know so I can actually make up the actual mountain on Saturday. Wow!
Yeah my lungs need some help and sad part is I will be higher in altitude so less air come Saturday. UH OH!!!
Luckily I have people who will be awaiting my arrival back in town that afternoon so if i get stuck on the side of the mountain huffing and puffing and to tired to make it back down they can come rescue me. HAHAHAH!!!
I'm kidding of course. I always make it back down!
I have to admit it felt great though. I can't wait to actually put on the back pack, strap on the hiking shoes drive the most beautiful scenic rout and get to it bright and early Saturday Morning. The birds, the fresh air and just me and my own thoughts. Ahhhhh!
No children screaming in my ears, no boss, no computer, no EX BF distracting my thoughts. Just me and the trees and the beautiful sky.
I am grateful for this site. All the positives are amazing! All the comments, all the women here who even thousands of miles away make you feel so very welcome and warm and fuzzy inside! ITS GREAT AND I REFUSE TO LEAVE~!!!!
YOU CANT MAKE ME! SO THERE!
Ok now that you are all aware of how stuck with me you really are just wanted to add that I joined the BLC # 2 challenge.
I have till May 31st to loose 10 more lbs. That actually puts me at 164 -165 depending on if you believe my scale today.
You know what that means.?? Only 4-5 lbs to loose between June - and July 13th. WHOOO HOOO!!!! I think I may actually pull off beating my own 7/13 goal of 160lbs.
I have pride today. It’s kinda cool. And I am not afraid to be stared at!!! Think I’ll go to Wal-Mart. hehe. Just kidding I’m broke, cant even go for gum.
I must now go however, and put my burning leg muscles under a nice hot shower. Plus I have so much sweat in my hair that I look like a construction worker who just took off his hat. EWWWW!!!
Have a great one to all of you; tomorrow is a bright new day!
I am in the process of creating a beautiful and meaningful life. I am safe and protected by Mother and Father God every day. I no longer have a need to hold on the past because TODAY is what matters. The past has no power over me. I am grown up and step into the complete vision of myself. From this day forward, I take responsibility for my life and shed old mental habits that do not support a healthy vision. I love taking care of my beautiful body!
So after my long weekend of indulgence I really had to think on why I wasn’t excited to hit that 10 % and why I went so overboard when I normally am really strict with myself.
I don't normally have that "oh well" attitude. Too much of a perfectionist with myself. It really bothered me all day yesterday and I really thought hard and looked deep inside to figure it out.
What I came up with is this.
Yes it sucks that no one is around me to help cheer me on, or to be proud of me with me. No affection to show me I am attractive or loved. This is fact. But..
Its not going to change, not for a long time and I know this. I either have to be ok with it and continue on or quit, screw it all up, then be frustrated when I have to start all over again.
I really don’t want to start over again. These changes that I am making are for a lifetime regardless of who is in or out of my life. So onward I must continue. That’s all there is to it.
I've decided that this coming weekend I will start hiking again. Our mountains really are my temple and I have missed them ever soooo much!
Its time to challenge myself, to feel the nature and the hard work i put into getting up and getting back down. The pain the next day is awful but well worth it.
This week I will start preparing my pack and regardless of weather I am going. Really, hiking in bad weather like snow doesn’t freak me out. It’s the driving up that scares me. Hopefully the weather is not bad. It might be cold but I can handle that.
I will stay on track; I will succeed no matter how scary it is. I will do this on my own because that achievement is something that will bring me great pride and strength.
Unfortunately the only day I have to hike will be Saturdays so I will have to change my WI day to Sunday which means this week it will show I have missed a WI somewhere as the new week starts on Sunday. But I’m willing to do that to get myself on track and back up to the hills.
This week I will also need to up my inclines on the ET machine in preparation. Need to get them pudgy legs workin a bit harder.
I will hit my goal of 160 by 7/13. I will do this, I will do it with pride, and I will learn to smile and have my confidence.
This is my goal this month. My hiking, my workouts, my eating and to work on holding my head higher then I have been. It is needed.
Saturday is now gone. I had fun, and its over. Now comes the work. As I loose more and more it will get harder and harder to hit those last few 15-10 and 5 lb marks. Hard work has just begun and I am in no mood to fail at this!
Down, down, down my scale, pants size, and measurements will go!
Yep! No room for self-pitty or sabotage in this body!
Kids went back to school this week! Thank god!!!!! Life should smooth out here a bit so that’s a relief! Whew!
This week I have planned to earn 39 AP points. I used a ton of Flex points which i never ever do so I am in uncharted waters as to how that will effect WI for me on Sunday. We shall see, we shall see!!
so I had a great weekend. It ended in my scale going up up up but that is either the fact that I threw out my hard work and sabotaged myself with an extra 3 lbs, or TOM is a jerk and likes to make April fools jokes on us woman. It’s One of the two.
Yesterday I ran all day, As you can see from my quick post I did get my 10 % yesterday along with my key chain and the embarrassment of having to stand in front of a bunch of people.
It's weird, because I felt so alone. Even with all those other woman in there, no one I knew was around me. No one to celebrate with or be proud of me. I was emotional and of course I balled my eyes out in my car as I left the meeting.
I have no idea why. I worked so hard to get that silly key chain, but feeling loneliness and not having anyone to celebrate my little success with was a bit much.
I had lunch with my friend who is struggling with the health of his father. I ate horrible at lunch. 1/2 cheeseburger and some fries. I choose to do this before we even got the restaurant. Figured I’d splurge a bit, as I have not actually done that in the last few months.
If that had been the only thing I did, well my scale wouldn’t look so horrible today. Unfortunately its not.
I ended up going to a B day party /bbq for a friend of mine. Had a great time but...
I ended up drinking allot! And eating pizza, and drinking lots of diet coke to wash down my vodka, then I had beers on top of that. Calories, calories, calories! OMG!
In my head the whole time was, fuck it! Why not! I deserve some fun!
While I agree with this, I did deserve some fun; I have no idea why I threw so much down the drain in one day. And of course then there are those people around you who root you on.
"Its just one day " " your always so strict one time wont hurt you"
Just not good when your weak and thinking the same things.
Now today is a new day, I’m on track, I’ve eaten well. What I could eat anyway, as you may suspect I am a suffering fool today and my belly isn’t feeling so great. But that’s the price I pay I guess.
I did do a 20-minute work out, not high intensity, but I moved and sweated for 20 minutes. That’s a bonus!
I am stuck, as I want to hit goal so bad, but being so alone, and not having anyone hug you and say "great job" or to have anyone be proud of you. It’s so very hard. Hard to always count on yourself to hold yourself up and to always pat yourself on the back. Sometimes you need that from those around you to make you feel kinda good inside. I just don’t have anyone around me.
I went to the thrift store yesterday and bought a size 14 and a size 12 jean. They are hanging up on my closet in front of my ET machine to give me inspiration. I have not worn those sizes since my teen years so ... Lots of hard work ahead of me I guess.
If I gain this week I will be sad, but I went and had lots of fun and for once got out of my house, acted like an adult with other adults. I have not done that in a good 6 months with my friends so ... It was due time.
I got a ton of compliments. Not sure how to handle those yet, especially when I think they were said out of the mouths of the intoxicated.
My friend’s husband who just saw me last week said I looked "skinny. Too skinny" . No idea what he meant by "too skinny" but he made me feel ok. I kinda figured she put him up to it since she knew I was down earlier in the day. She swears she didn’t though.
The B day girl at the party said I looked "terrific" and she hugged me. That was sweet too. She goes to the same meeting as I do normally. Not yesterday of course as it was her b day and she was getting ready for her party.
My friend I drove up to see gave me a "wow" when we met at the restaurant. Very nice of him .
I got stared at allot as well during this party. I am getting some anxiety over being in public places, not sure why, but the staring, makes me feel fat and out of sorts and I want to just cover up and run away.
Where the heck did my confidence go? It was here 6 months ago? 20lbs less and I am freaking out. I'll have to look into that and why I wasn’t more thrilled to hit that 10 %. I should take joy in that, and for some reason I just didn’t.
Anyway, I am always so long winded so I will get off here now. Have a good night to all of you.
