Damn

 I'm so mad at myself. About half way through the week I totally went off the plan. I'm not entirely sure why, because the plan is really so easy. But, for whatever reason I get in these moods where I just want to over eat. I don't understand that. I know if I do the exercises, those cravings go away, but, I chose not to do them anyway. I'm not entirely sure why I sabotage myself like that. It's been stressful week, and this weekend was even more stressful. I ate so much this weekend, and pigged out on ice cream and birthday cake, and didn't exercise at all. Ugh.

So, I lost nothing and really surprised I didn't manage to gain a couple of pounds. But, today marks a new day. When I feel like I just want to stuff myself, I'm going to make myself do the exercises, and I'm going to say some prayers, because I know I can't do it alone. I need to watch last nights Paul Mckenna episode that's in the dvr. 

It's working!!!

 I've lost 2 more lbs! Woo-hoo! I really can't believe it. I haven't exactly eaten the healthiest this past week so I was a bit worried. But, I still ate when I was hungry, ate slow, and stopped when I was full. I did manage to exercise twice, but I would like to start doing a little bit each day.

Paul's episode last night really hit home with me. I have this feeling like exercise is pointless unless I do a lot of it. I feel so out of shape, and I have hard time doing a lot without getting out of breath, so I kind of give up on it and think why bother. But, I can easily take just a few more steps a day, and maybe take a walk around the block or work out on the bike.

I'm definitely one of those people that will drive around for an hour looking for the closest parking spot. I always take the elevator over stairs. Lazy lazy! No wonder I'm fat. But, I am finding I have a bit more energy these days. I still feel tired from the lack of sleep and general routine of being a mom and housewife, but I have an extra pep in my step these days. 

Ugh!

 Owie! I worked out for the first time in God knows how long, last night. I am so sore today. I tried out LA Fitness with a friend of mine, and apparently, it's only for perfect people. I felt like a fat ass. Then of course, I can't figure out how to get the stupid machines to work. So, I stood at each one for a good 5 min. just pushing random buttons, hoping it would be the right one and not too many people were making fun of me. I kept looking over my shoulder and saying, "please God, let this be the right button" - nope.

I think I'm going to invent a gym that only takes memberships from overweight moms. Then I'm going to put big bold instructions above each and every work out machine. I'll probably add a disclaimer that tells them they aren't really stupid. If it doesn't work, it's the machines fault - give it a good kick.

Thankfully, the kids survived in the child care room, but my 5 month old was pretty fussy by the time I got there. The lady told me she was hungry and didn't have anything to give her. Well yeah, that's why I said, "she's breastfed and refuses to take a bottle, so if she gets hungry, page me". Then they had to keep an extra eye on my 2 yr old because there was a space below the door from the bigger kids room to the baby room, just large enough for his skinny little body to wiggle through. There was nothing in the baby room he wanted. In typical Elijah manner, he knew he wasn't supposed to be in there, so he became obsessed with trying to go in there. They acted like this should have surprised me or something. Welcome to my world bitches.

So then I manage to corral the kids, and walk towards the door with my 4 yr old whining because he didn't want to leave, my 2 yr old on my hip because his legs apparently don't work, and carrying the baby in the carrier. In comes some stupid man with arms the width of my thighs, that says, "wow, you got your hands full." (I hear this all the time) "who needs to work out when you've got all of them to chase after". HAHAHAHA... shut up.

So, maybe I'll be working out from home.

End of week 1

I've lost 2 lbs!!!!! I'm so excited! My goal was to lose 2 lbs. this week, and I did it! Granted, it would be nice to have lost more, but I'm not really allowed to do that while breastfeeding. But, I'm trying not to let my desire for instant gratification make me unappreciative of my hard work and accomplishments this week. 

I have to say, this Paul Mckenna method is a God send. It's amazingly easy, and it does not feel at all like I'm actually dieting. Last night he talked about how to get rid of the cravings, and I haven't really had any cravings yet this morning, but I'm going to give the technique a try when needed. 

I haven't started exercising yet, but I'm going to start working out with a friend today. It's been a long time since I've worked out, and hopefully I don't make a fool of myself. Haha.

Day One

 Wow. I really feel like this is going to work for me. It's been my first day doing this method, and I am beyond impressed already. This may be a bit long, but I feel like I've had an eating revelation and need to share. 

For lunch, I warmed up some left overs for me and the boys. After I gave them their helpings, I was worried I wouldn't nearly have enough for me. I would have normally eaten more than what I was able to put on my plate. 

I followed the Paul McKenna method, first by waiting until I was actually hungry to eat (not starving). Then I made sure to eat consciously. I put my fork down between each bite, chewed about 20 times, and really paid attention to enjoying the flavor of the food. Not even half way through, I was absolutely stuffed.  I am totally satisfied. I don't feel like I'm punishing myself by not eating what I really want, and I don't feel like I'm forcing myself to eat less than I want, because I actually feel full - really full. I seriously can not believe how much food was left on my plate, that I had no desire for. amazing!

So, last night after watching his show, I decided to try the "tapping mechanism" when I was really wanting to just devour the Easter candy. First, I recognize the source of my stress. This was easy, because the kids had been INSANE all day, and Abby wouldn't nap, and I was ready to pull my hair out. When I watched the show, I kind of laughed a this technique, because I really thought there was no way it would work. I assumed the people on tv, were lying, because they were on tv. But whatever, I thought I'd try it. I was thinking about my stress, and how good that bag of M&M's I had stolen out of the basket  sounded, and proceeded to "tap". 

When i finished, and thought about them again, I was surprised at just how unappealing they now were. I just didn't feel the need for them, but knew they were there, and I could eat them if I got hungry. Normally, when dieting, I would have denied myself the ability to have them, convinced myself they were bad bad bad, and to eat a carrot instead, then spent the next couple of hours totally consumed by how good they sound, until I finally caved and stuffed myself full of crap. I didn't eat any candy at all, and I didn't even think about it. 

So then, I sat there eating my lunch today, really observing how the kids eat. Realizing, that they eat so slow. Usually, dh and I will stuff ourselves, then sit here anxiously waiting for the boys to finish, and often tell them to "hurry up" because they get distracted and eat so slow, then leave a lot of food on their plate (no, we never make them finish all their food). I've come to the conclusion that we've been really bad examples, and by telling them to hurry up, or sitting there impatiently, we're teaching them really bad eating habits, that they may carry around for the rest of their lives. Instead this time, I was able to eat at their pace, and we had a nice relaxing meal together.  

But, much like the weigh-down method, I am making sure to use a lot of prayer throughout the day to curb any emotional eating, and will use that along with the Paul McKenna techniques.  I'm really hoping this works for me, but so far I am really positive, where as normally I would have already felt very defeated and itching to just be rebellious and pig out.