A bit about me.
I`m a 40 year old nurse. I live with my partner and we have no children (our choice).
All my life I have been a yo-yo dieter. Mainly I`ve been overweight 13 stone to a current all time high of 18 stone 11lbs. Although I have previously lost huge amounts of weight ( approx 8 years ago) 7 stone in total and got to an all time low of 10 stone 8lbs.
When you`ve had a taste of being a normal weight (i`m 5 `7``) and you are able to buy most of the gorgeous clothes in the shops and look good, you never get over it when you put the weight back on. I continually remind myself of how great I looked when I was that weight and that is a continual thorn in my side.
At 21 years old I got married to a nice man but the wrong man. I was around 13 stone at the time and was happy enough in the beginning, but nights and nights of staying in in front of the TV eating lead me to a weight of 17 and a half stone.
I began to hear the pulses racing in my ears as I climbed the stairs and a very rude patient likened me to an extremely overweight actress on the TV. That was it I joined a gym and began weight watchers. I was addicted to the gym and the weight just dropped off. I was going four times a week and stayed there for 2 hours on all the cardiovascular machines. I was told by one of the gym instructors that I was one of the fittest girls in the gym after 1 1/2 years.
I started to look great and my husband had become very selfish with his own interests (which was why I spent so long at the gym) and we eventually split up after 6 years of marriage.
I really enjoyed being single with this new sexy figure. I`m afraid I had a 2 year "wild time"! I was always out in skimpy outfits and had endless amounts of male attention. I loved it, but then I met a new man who I very quickly fell in love with. I had never felt the feelings of love that I felt for him ever! We moved in together and I was still looking good at this stage and loving my new life. Unfortunately that wasn`t for long. This new man tutrned into a vile woman beating sadist as soon as we lived together and I`m ashamed to say he destroyed every bit of confidence I had. I was not overweight at the time but he used to tell me I had treetrunk legs and that I was an enormous fat, ugly b***h that no-one would ever want. This abuse happened every day until it made no impact on me - i`d heard it that often. He also called me disfigured as I have a birthmark on my face which means one side is more swollen than the other. So I began eating again. I put on more and more weight after we split up and weighed around 14 stone when I met my wonderful current partner. However the weight still kept piling on as I was deeply affected by the abuse I had suffered and we moved house, changed jobs and relocated all in 6 months.
So, finally settled for the last two years, I have found myself in a vicious circle of trying to lose weight, feeling depressed when I haven`t and binging to comfort myself at failing. Two weeks ago I weighed 18 stone 11lbs!!!!!!
