So in case you didn't know i am a performer. i sing , act and dance ( well i can move). i've done musicals for about 8 years and love it. I'm in a show right now called" 8 track the sounds of the 70's" it's a musical revue of os of the #1 hits from the 70's and at the and there is a disco section in second act that lasts 16 minutes. we have to sing and dance. I'm not talking about step touch i'm talking about disco partnering , jumping ... it's exhausting ! But you know what i can do it. That's the important thing !! I'm so proud of myself because two years ago i did a christmas show it was a musical revue of poplaur christmas songs through the decades. and there was this cool disco christmas section with required sing and constant dancing. i couldn't keep up and i felt like i was gonna pass out so i asked the director if i could be out of that section of the show. i was so embarrassed and pissed because i had to give up my solo for that section all because i couldn't keep up because of my weight. it hadn't dawned on me that i was keeping up with the skinnies until my mom told me yesterday that i was dancing my ass off .. literally lol. i mean i may be drenched with sweat at the end but it makes me feel good that it's not just me that it's everyone that is drenched at the end. it used to only be me. i swear that disco section alone is gonna make me go down a dress size or two by the end of this show lol but hey i'm not complaining :)

 So i was just watching the Tyra Banks Show and it was all about weight loss. It was so insipiring to see these women who have lost so much weight. There was even a woman who was 500 pounds who went to to 234 pounds. it made my heart happy :) but she complained about 50-70 pounds of loose skin. I'm scared of that too. what if i lose like 180 pounds will i have loose skin and saggy breasts... it's a really scary thought because i don't wanto to finailly lose my weight only to not feel comfortable in my own skin ..literally. So does anyone know of anyway that loose skin can be prevented or reduced. oh ! my favorite diets they discussed were the skinny bitch diet and the four day diet. i'm gonna check them out and i'll let you know how it goes :)

 so right now i'm in this show called 8-track and this is tech week. tech week is the week before the show opens where you add lights, mics, costumes ect ect. well one of the cast members bought homemade black forest cake. that's my favorite and i was bad and had a slice. i feel awful i can't resist food !!! i need help with that  i guess.  food is my weakness i'll admit it. It's so darn good that's the problem lol. does anyone have any ways that they resist temptation? please let me know

My name is Tanisha and basically i'm sick and tired of being overweight . It hinders me in so many ways. i think i've finally hit rock bottom. Let me start from the beginning.

i wasn't always big. it wasn't til my 8th grade year that i started gaining. i always had an hourglass figure no matter what but when i lost weight my jr. year of high school the shape finally popped out. but i had a terriable secret. i was bulmic and anarexic. People didn't know that because i still looked very healthly ( i was a sized 12 but looked like a size 10)  and was very active. If they only knew that sometimes all i'd have to get is a cup of crushed ice from the cafeteria. I got over that thank god. and i gained weight back but not all of it. i was a size 16 for the longest time and was happy. it wasn't until i started doing musicals at my university that i started to gain it back. seems strange huh. yeah you would think so but think about it.. i was at school literally all day long. i had class in the morning and rehearsal until 10pm sometimes later. i'd eat what i could at a fast food resturant during school and before rehearsal and then i'd go home , eat , shower and go to bed and do it all over again the next day. No wonder i gained so much weight. There was a time when i was 350 pounds. i lost that weight and haven't gained it back. since then i've kind of maintained my 315 pound status. i work out some but i'm not gonna lie i can work out more if i wasn't so tired from running around like a chicken without a head. but yesterday i saw a quote that said " those who can do and those who can't make excuses" and that inspired me and also made me think about how many excuses i always have. but now i'm more determined than ever.

to add fire to the flame i'm in love with my roommate. He knows it too and he's expressed some interest in me but i'm so insecure about myself that when ever we get close to doing something i pull away from him. i think it's taking it toll on him and i don't want  to lose him because of my insecurities. he's tall , lean with muscles,beautiful eyes nice full lips a heart of gold but isn't afraid to stand up for what he believes in. they say no one is perfect and i agree but i also think that even though there is no one perfect there is someone out there perfect for you and he's mine perfect for me someone. i just start thinking why would he want me when i look the way i do. i can't make love to him because i don't want him to touch my fat body. you think " oh just tell him how i feel" well i can't.... we've been friends for 8 years but i can't ... i'd rather him think that i'm a chicken for another reason than to tell him the truth.

whoa i didn't mean to get that deep ha ha!  well that's all for now hopefully this blogging thing works :) i'm excited to see how all this unfolds