Morning fellow slim seekers. My name is Sarah and I'm a chocoholic. (Hello, Sarah). I've been sober for 5 days now. (applause)
Okay, so that's not entirely true. The part about being a chocoholic is. The part about obstaining for 5 days it pure myth though lol. BUT (always a "but "when you're trying to justify yourself, isn't there?) Instead of binging on entirely too much of the dreamy stuff, as of 5 days ago have limited myself to 1-2 small pieces per day. MODERATION was my intention from the start. It's about slowing down and enjoying the smaller portions instead of inhaling too much and barely tasting anything that you consumed too quickly.
On Monday Hubby and I made a pact to limit the junk food coming into our house and to stop leading our kids into unhealthy eating habits. (He's notorious for buying jumbo bags of Doritos, etc. and jamming the pantry with total snack foods) Don't get me wrong, we do a pretty good job balancing our kids' intake between healthy and junk but my husband and I have gotten into some horrible habits ourselves - and are not setting good examples for our kids (boy 16, girl 7). So Monday was the 'see the light' the buck stops here moment. After we concurred that we needed to get back on track, I went shopping and loaded the kitchen full of fresh fruits/berries and veggies. We're limiting the canned and prepared foods we buy to stick to fresh ingredients to have more of a control over the meals we're preparing. We love our steamer and use that all the time. Produce is so crazy expensive at the regular chain super markets but we have an asian market we discovered years ago that has insanely cheap produce and fresh fish of all kinds. I like to go there and stock up on as much as I can muster. The key is when I get home spending a good hour or two preparing the produce - going ahead and clean, slice or whatever I think will need to be done to easily use on a weeknight when our schedules are hectic. I got a few pounds of string beans and got them snapped and divided into two containers so we can grab one out of the fridge and just toss into the steamer. It's really not that much more work and we get the enjoyment of fresh flavor.
My ankle is finally starting to heal. People at my office were constantly on me for not using my crutch more lol. One of my employees told me, "You can always tell an ex athlete, because they always try to 'walk off' their injury!" Back in my teens I was a nationally ranked distance runner then later joined the Army where my running continued. Over the years, I grew away from the activity and am now getting an itch to get back. Not competitvely of course, but for my own health and enjoyment. The last run I took was down at the beach a year and a half ago (ekkkkkk). Funny thing, is that I have reoccuring dreams where I try to run in my dream and I can't - I can't even walk correctly in the dream at the time I'm attempting to run. But two nights ago, I my dream involved me attempting to run and I was so light on my feet!!! Just like back in the day! I think I was subliminaly encouraging myself to pick it up again.
The biggest reason I pulled way from the sport was it was connected to my anorexia. Of course the thought of that returning if I start running again haunts me but I have my alerts on high and I have learned to understand how desperately I do not ever want to go back to that - EVER.
Wow, this is turning out to be quite the novel, eh?
Okay, so message recap for the day
I am a chocoholic
I am making steps to healthier eating habits
I am interested in running again
I am aware of the danger of my past eating disorder
How come I am able to bullet that and make my point but yet I previously spent all those minutes composing the above paragraphs? Hindsight is 20/20 I guess LOL
Holy Cow. So within the past few weeks I have train wrecked. Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate (darn those who give candy boxes for the holidays!). Stressful work schedule also railroaded me then I severly sprained my ankle walking down my front steps. Total loss of focus and most importantly MODERATION and EXERCISE. So here I am hanging my head in disappointment at the reading on my scale this morning. (FIrst time I have visted it in weeks). I HAVE TO REFOCUS. Fortunately my ankle is starting to heal so I'm becoming more mobile and have ditched the crutches.
Of course we're all bombarded with media advertisements of all the current weight loss plans flashing the slender women on the screen captioning that yes, YOU, TOO, CAN LOOK LIKE THIS. I hear this on the tv this morning as I'm standing in front of the floor mirror in our master bedroom attempting to select the most slimming work suit from my closet before heading to work.
Send good vibes my way, I'm getting back onto the freeway and need some energy to get me back into traffic
I had to sit my scale down this morning and have a serious talk. Enough is enough. Yesterday was amusing but pulling the same stunt today was taking it too far. Yeah, you got it - my morning weight was 194 lbs for day #2. I put my scale on probation and made myself very clear that immediate termination will be the consquence for any more offenses. I don't think my scale wants me to pull a Donald Trump on it...
I took yesterday very light hearted while maintaining my focus - and despite the holiday work party, I was a very good girl by enjoying about a cup of romaine salad and about 1/4 cup of a brocoli cabbage salad. No holiday goodies for me and I was fine with it...I'm on a mission here, no time for distractions no matter how yummy they are.
My intention today is to try not to let this get under my skin so it doesn't start to detoriate my morale which is really good right now. Despite this unpleasant scale reading two days in a row, I'm still proud of myself for not inhaling all the holiday food I'm constantly exposed to at work and at home. That's huge for me - previously I would be in the midst of full-fleged free for all eating anything and everything around. Not this year... I'm gonna stay on Santa's good list!
So peculiarly, I gained 3 lbs from yesterday AM to today AM... Stressed? Nope. Amused? You betcha!
How in the world? No binging yesterday - below my caloric intake... fluke? Probably. I did have an exceptionally salty soup for lunch yesterday so I chalk up some water retention. And my plumbing isn't regular (yes, I know, "TMI") so perhaps that could play into it. Needless to say, I'm not distraught. If I let myself ride the roller coaster before me, I'd be an emotional/mental mess.
Today is our holiday work party - I've got a great mind set so I'm not fretting the temptations this afternoon and know I won't indulge. Even though the scale doesn't reflect it, I've done very well this past week. The missing factor is that I'm not exercising so the excess weight isn't disappearing as quickly as it could. My main objective is a lifestyle change so adjusting my eating habits accordingly as a start is what I want to achieve. Losing the extra flubber will be a welcomed consequence! And in time, I'll get physically active...taking this one day at a time so not to be overwhelmed and frustrated.
Yeah, so today's mystery is the increase reflected on this morning's scale. But hey, what fun would life be without mysteries, right? LOL
Down another pound - that's minus three for the week. Not to shabby. And I don't feel like I've deprived or missed out on anything. Last night we dined out - I chose rock fish and wild mushroom pilaf with two glasses of Pinot Noir and two glasses of water- ate half and was satisfied. (gave me a tasty lunch this afternoon ta boot!) It was a live holiday concert dinner so we enjoyed the set after our main course. I then ordered an expresso and shared creme brule with hubby. Only had a few bites but made sure to savor and enjoy... who says moderation has to be a party pooper?! It was great and I didn't walk out with the guilt of overeating or eating so unhealthy that I just shaved time off my life.
So day three (yesterday) of my newly established moderation habits wasn't 100% successful but I'm not about to beat myself up over it because all and all I do believe I did a pretty good job. The only set back was the KFC endulgence for dinner and even at that, I didn't go hog wild like I have been known to do. For 3/4 of the day (omitting the dinner glutteny) I was mindful of my intake and did not bindge on snacks or junk as has been my MO as of late. My attitude is I can't go from zero to sixty in 10 seconds flat so I must recognize the efforts I have made in the past few days and gain my momentum my accomplishments no matter how great or small - it's still an accomplishment. (Patting myself on the back). Slow and steady wins the race
Knowing I have this mindset and attitude, I know today will be just fine... day 4 soon to be under my belt...
Okay so Superman wears the letter S on his chest to exemplify his essence.
On that same thought, my logo will be:
M is for MODERATION...
Moderation is the process of eliminating or lessening extremes. It is used to ensure normality throughout the medium on which it is being conducted.
Moderation is also a principle of life. In ancient Greece, the temple of Apollo at Delphi bore the inscription Meden Agan - 'Nothing in excess'. Doing something "in moderation" means not doing it excessively. For instance, someone who moderates their food consumption tries to eat all food groups, but limits their intake of those that may cause deleterious effects to harmless levels.
...come hold me tight...kiss me my darling...be mine tonight... if only I could find you under all that flubber.... LOL
Gone from one extreme to another... diagnosed with eating disorder when I was younger and rail thin... maturity brought recovery AND shoving anything and everything into my pie hole. Out of no-where decided to hop on the scale this morning (a previous forbidden taboo for me) and almost stroked out to see I'm heavier than I have EVER been - even during both pregnancies. THIS IS BAD.
I'm not planning to get waify thin again - just a healthy slim down. Dropping about 40 lbs will put me in the normal weight range for my height. Not going to focus on the whole 40 lbs at once... just 10 lb goals to make sure I don't get psycho and trigger my eating demons. So not my intentions with this new leaf aturning...
