So today I went to all my classes, except for the one that was canceled. I kept busy by doing things that I needed to get done. Having extra time on my hands=binge trigger. I went to the doctor then had some free time so I went to Henry's to do some price checking and get some breakfast ideas. I bought a box of Brownie Zbar's at 2 pts each, they were on sale. I figured they would be a good idea with some nonfat frozen yogurt for like a brownie sundae. I ended up eating 7 of my 5 breakfast and lunch points, but I did not feel like I failed because I knew my dinner was only 7. I had a 3 point snack before dinner. And then after I was still not satified so I had a 10 point snack. All in all I only went over 1 point. But I went to the gym with my roommate and I burned about 400 calories. So I still have all my extra points left over. But no binging today. The key was to go to all my classes and to be productive! Fri and Sat should be fine. Sun I leave for camp. I'm kinda nervous cuz it will be 5 days of having no control over what I eat. I will have to exert a lot of control for portion control, and be careful of snacks. I think I will buy some sort of snacks of my own or some low calorie drinks to drink during biblestudy. I weighed myself today even though I said I wouldn't but it was good result. I will wait and record my weight on sunday. So far 4 days without binging. I am so excited to make it a week! I got to keep strong and keep up the faith.
So its kinda sad thinking of yourself as being obese at 21. I think my mind and my eyes decieve me, because I don't feel or think I look like I weight 175. But then I think that some men my age weigh less then I. I don't think those are reasons to feel sorry for myself but to ACT! Yesterday started off very well. I got lots of exercise in, and I even finished my laundry at my aunt's house. But the killer was that I started getting hungry and the only thing around was Krispy Kreme's. I made my self a cup of tea and that held me over. We got to the party and I ate just enough to leave me satisfied and comfortable. I even noticed that I had food left on my plate and I was actually making myself finish it, but I was already full. Then it was time for the most amazing birthday cake ever. I should have shared with someone, but I ate a HUGE piece. But I was still feeling pretty comfortable. Then the party got kinda boring, and then we all started snacking. I'm trying to think where I lost it, I can't really pin point. I think I got tired of trying. I need to drink more water. Water is going to be my new best friend. I still have all my goals to look forward to. Today was just me being home alone. Trigger-Me being home alone. Solution-Call someone to study, or go to the library or somewhere that doesn't sell food with a low cal snack and water. And pray!!! My first resonpse when I get Off Plan is to find something else to gratify my craving. But I need to remember to seek God in my trials in temptations. It is through him that strengthens me and he will help me through this.
Shortly after I finished my blog on Thursday I ended up bingeing. I calculated and I'm thinking I ate approximately 80 points. So I know I gained a pound. What triggered the binge? Well, I was frustrated that come 5 PM, I had used 12 points, I had only 14 points left (but in my head it was only 4). And I was also concerned because I was planning on going to TGIF's later. It was just that I was so hungry. I think my food choices for the day were poor. Actually I think they KEY trigger was being at home for 3 hours with nothing to do but sit and eat. That's it! Sitting alone at home, not doing anything but being LAZY basically triggers bineges. I have to get the idea that Thursdays are binge days. It'ss just that I am so looking forward to the weekend I think that on Thurs I am about to jump out of my skin I just want to eat. I think I may go home next TR night. But one a week is a big improvement than before. Still learning...
So I think this "lifestyle change" will be a VERY LONG learning process. I will learn what works, what doesn't, what triggers binges, etc. My last binge day was last Thursday. Today isn't over yet, but I am feeling very strong, and I just ate an energy bar and I feel at a pretty comfortable full state. I have used 12 out of my points for today. The main reason I have used so many is because I went home during my break between my classes and I was sitting and watching TV, and once I would finish eating something I would just go back to the kitchen for something else. So sitting at home watching TV isn't a really good idea for a couple reasons...1) I ditched class today 2) I could be doing more productive things 3) It's a binge trigger...I was very proud of myself I went to a Brunch Buffet on Sunday with my family. My brother was so excited I swear he thought it was Christmas, but I pased myself and I didn't over do it at all. I started with an egg white omelete with lots of veggies, some shrimp cocktail, and half a plate of fruit, mostly strawberries. Then I ate slowly, and drank LOTS of water!!! I must have pounded at least 8 glasses. And I casually sipped some champagne just for the enjoyment. While everyone got their second plate I just talked as they ate and drank my water. The second time I went for sushi, more strawberries, and veggies. Lastly I got some sugar free chocolate mousse ( I don't think I spelt that right) and a bite of cheesecake. The cheesecake worked perfectly cuz again I had a plate full of strawberries (I'm almost positive I wiped them out). I would take a smigen of cheesecake and a whooping fork full of strawberries it was quite enjoyable. It must have only been 2 points worth of cheesecake but it lasted me like 5 bites. =) The rest of the week has been ok. On Tuesday morning I woke up about 4 AM and went downstairs and regrettably ate about 10 points worth of food. It really threw off my day because as soon as I woke up I realized I was already 10 points in the hole. =( I did end up having to dig into my bonus WW points, but not that heavily. I am a little concern for Saturday. I have a birthday party to go to in Long Beach, and I think they will be serving Mexican food. I think it will be one of those you constantly eat, drink, and mingle parties. So I am just hoping to stay in control. I realize that I do a much better job of remaining comfortable and stop eating when I am comfortable full rather than uncomfortably stuff. I don't understand why when I am uncomfortably stuff I still want more food, it's like I'm feeding a monster. Hummm...I just realized that. It really is like Satan is attacking me and I am feeding him fuel. Oh and yesterday I went to the Dentist and I was horrified. I'm 21 years old and already I have a tooth that is showing a little root. Oh and I have 3 cavaties! And other areas that are not far off! I totally saw that stuff coming though. The past months since I have been binging, I just have no energy or motivation to dress nice, do my hair and makeup, I felt ugly so I would just give in to that voice inside my head. I was only brushing once a day, and when I would binge it would be all pasteries, candy, and ice cream, so not brushing and all the sweets really took a tole on my teeth. I deserved each and everyone of those cavaties. I need to start taking better care of myself, including my teeth. I think that the quality of my teeth will improve with my changes in eating habits because I won't be eating as many sweets and I will be taking better care of myself hygentically. So in the next 6 months I will see an improvement. Oh, and lastly just some thing I'm gonna start soon. April 1, I'm going to go full force working out my arms for that halter top wedding dress. But starting at 150 I am going to start making WW breakfast recipes valuing 0-3 points. I was looking on the website and there was a lot of great stuff. Oh and a new habit I want to get into starting tomorrow. Between the morning and afternoon I want to only use up 5 points...Im not much of a breakfast person and I always feel so much better going into dinner with lots of points because if anything, if I cook, if Merlo cooks, if I go out, or go home that is plenty of points for anything. That's either 2 points for B and 3 for L, or vice versa. I think that will help get into a routine. Because back in HS when I lost all that weight, I would basically (without knowing it) save ALL my points for dinner, and then a light snack at night. I understand it's not a good idea to starve myself till dinner, and that "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day" so this is my compromise. I think that's all I've learned so far...but I know that more will come. Talk 2 u later, Bloggy =)
I started taking WW serious on Sunday. Surprisingly I have 26 points a day. That is so much food! I was doing great Sun-Wed. I don't think I need all 26 points so I would try and keep it under 20. But on Thurs morning I woke up about 4AM and just went downstairs and started eating anything that I could find, a cookie, some ice cream, some spaghetti, a quesadilla, a peanut butter and honey sandwhich. I never got to the point were I couldn't breath and I was uncomfortable, but I wasn't really hungry. I woke up full. But then I started on my binge again. I ate a Sandwhich at the Nutwood Cafe, and then I got a rice krispie. Then I went to Golden Spoon, and then Bagel Me. I am kinda uncomfortable right now. I am not hungry, and I really am just wasting money. I must have spent nearly $20 with all the junk. I realized that in the morning I never prayed to ask God to ease my mind and to let me continue resting. I am so tired today. I need to pray when I get weak. I need to. That is the only way I will get through this. This post is also good too. So that's 4 steps forward and one step back. I dont want my effort to go to nothing. I will not give up. Oh and I have another incentive. I am going to be a maid of honor at my best friend's wedding May 12. That's 2 months away, approx 8 week, with the possibility to loose 35 pounds and to be 140 at the wedding. But I need to keep trying. What could I have done differently? At 4 AM I should have prayed and gone back to sleep or gotten a class of water and maybe a piece of fruit to fill me up. 2nd I've noticed that if I fail early in the day the whole day is ruined. I need to...well...I got not fail early in the day, but if I do I need to start over right then and there, not take that as a chance to eat anything and everything under the sun. Thanks for listening bloggy. =)
There is where I'm going to start...by being honest
There's this movie that I saw a long time ago, I don't really remember what it was about, but it was called "Primary Colors." John Travolta was in it and he says this super genius quote, "I'm going to do something outrageous, I'm going to tell the truth." I have come to the sad realization that I have a tremedeous problem lying to myself and people, people I hardly know, and people I love and respect. It's really disturbing and I pray that God give me strength, courage, and integrity to be a person of honesty and loyalty. Today it March 3, and I was going to "for reals" start WW today, cuz I already told me mom my gift to her for Mother's Day would be that I was going to loose weight. My goal weight for Mother's Day is to loose 30 pounds. Mother's day is 10 weeks away, and I know that if I was super diligent I could loose more, but that means on Mother's Day I want to be 145. That is exactly where I began when I started weight watchers in March 2005. Just some history, when I graduated high school I weighed 115 to 120 pounds. I know weight 175. That's 60 pounds i have gainded in 2 years. That's 30 pounds a year. That's ridiculous. How did I gain so much weight? By bingeing. When I was in high school I would only eat one meal a day...dinner. I would drink lots of water, and I would NEVER snack. And the weight literally fell off. What I loved was that I acutally ate anything and everything I wanted. It was just that I only ate once a day so my stomach shrank so that I wouldn't be able to eat a lot, and I would never overindulge to the point where I was uncomfortable. I NEVER closet ate. I also loved going out with friends and family to dinner. I was able to be socialable. I felt better healthier and more energetic. I was not always tired. That was my liftstyle, my body became accustomed to it, it did not like it, but it became accustomed. My stomach would groan and growl to the point where I felt like I was going to pass out, but I loved that feeling. It made me like I was in control. I am SO NOT in control these days. Food controls me it cloads my mind, my judgement, everything. I need GOD! I can't do this by myself I have tried off and on for the past two years and I have continually gained. Dear Lord, Please help me control my temptations in wanting to indulge in the things of the world. Please help me to see you and to be fulfilled by you. I love you and I need you. Your love with perfect and without condition, and it is you that I will seek in my times of weakness.
