Yesterday was another good day. My eating wound up being fine, despite the big lunch, and my weight was down a little more today--145.8! I had two glasses of wine with dinner, which is right in line with where I want to keep my alcohol consumption (no more than 7 alcoholic drinks per week, no more than 2 at a time).
I did my 4-mile speed run despite the insane heat and humidity and the fact that I REALLY DID NOT WANT TO. But I did, and it felt good. I'm not running today because I have a 10K race in the morning, but I'm scheduled to do strength training. I don't think I did enough when I strength trained on Tuesday--I wasn't sore at all. More weights? More reps? It's a mystery to me...
The fiance and I have narrowed possible wedding/reception venues down to three. We saw one last night, which I loved, and have two more to see on Monday. I'm hopeful that we'll have something locked in by the middle of next week. It will be SUCH a load off my mind to have that booked! Then I just have to find a wedding dress, bridesmaid dresses, wedding rings, a DJ, a photographer, a florist, and a cake baker. Sigh... No one told me it was this much work!
I'm feeling SO much better today! I had a great eating and exercise day yesterday, which really boosted my self-confidence. I also talked to my fiance about the wedding and we decided to cut our guest list, which will give us more to spend per person on the reception--makes things MUCH easier to navigate!
On the assertiveness front, I talked to my doctor and told her I was upset about the appointment. She's sending me to talk to an oncologist who will be able to explain my situation and discuss some of my preventive treatment options. I also talked to my boss and told him that the additional workload was simply too much. The old me--the people-pleasing me--would have gritted her teeth, been miserable, and taken the work, but I'm doing my best to turn over a new take-care-of-Jen leaf.
Thanks to everyone for your wonderful comments and emails--I'm headed off to a meeting, but I will check up on you this afternoon.
That's how it seems lately--like I'm either really doing well, or really doing terribly.
Yesterday started off great. I was in a wonderful mood, I felt great about the day before, and I had done well with eating and exercise. Then things kind of fell apart.
Problem 1: I went to my breast cancer doctor. (I don't have and have never had breast cancer. My mother had it five times and tested positive for the breast cancer gene. I got tested and I have it too, which means that I have a greater than 50% chance of developing it by the time I'm 45.) She's trying to convince me to have a preventive double masectomy and have both ovaries removed. I told her that I don't want to do that. She said I should at least start chemoprevention, which will put me into early menopause. I told her I want kids, and she told me to go ahead and have them now and then start it. I told her we want to wait a few years and she said I'm not taking my health seriously. Bottom line: I left her office feeling anxious, scared, guilty, and frustrated.
Problem 2: I got handed a whole additional portfolio at work (I'm an analyst for the government). It is subject matter that I am not qualified to work with--I've never done it before in my life, and I'm now IN CHARGE OF IT. On top of the 45 other projects (yes, 45 is the actual, real number) I'm supervising.
Problem 3: I'm having a really hard time finding a venue that works for our wedding. It seems like everywhere we find is too small, too expensive, or too far away. It's enough to make me want to get married at the courthouse in a jogging suit.
So... last night did not go well. Not well at all. I don't feel like rehashing the gory details--that will just depress me--but just know that it wasn't pretty.
I'm trying to stay positive today, but I'm not going to lie--it's hard. I've got Pilates after work, then a 6-mile run tonight. Exercise always lifts my spirits. The fiance has beeng reat--very supportive and comforting. So all in all, I'm in a good place. Just stressed and a little disappointed in myself.
OK. I'm done whining. Time to get my game face on and have a good day!
Yesterday might have been my best eating/exercise day ever! OK, maybe not ever, but it was pretty damn good. I did my 4.3-mile hill run, which involves running up and down a quarter-mile hill five times and which I severely did NOT want to do but did anyway. Hooray!
Eating went really well. Yesterday afternoon I was craving a Kit Kat bar SO BAD. I went and stood in front of the vending machine with my 75 cents, fully intending to get one. I must have stood there staring at the damn candy bar for at least 10 minutes. No joke. Then someone walked in to the snack bar and I turned around and left... without the Kit Kat! I did actually feel a little hungry, so I went back a bit later and bought a healthy bar. It felt SO good. Take that, Kit Kat!
I did my first weight training workout this morning. I typically don't get excited about weight training, but I read an article yesterday on Runner's World online about how runners who don't strength train and regularly do speed workouts tend to burn MUSCLE when they run, not fat. Horrors! That motivated me to get up and do my workout this morning.
The scale was definitely my friend today--146.6! I don't think I'm dehydrated--I must have had at LEAST six 20-oz bottles of water yesterday (I sweat A LOT when I run, though, so it's possible that I lost more water than I took in). Definitely off to a great start!
Funny! I mis-typed in my last post and got a few confused emails asking if I was crazy.
I'm actually taking my mom, my fiance's mom, my sister, and my fiance's sister with me wedding dress shopping--no boys allowed! Definitely no fiances allowed! I can't shop alone, though--I'm very easily influenced by salespeople and would probably walk out with a ridiculously expensive and hideous dress...
I had a really great weekend--did my 9-mile run on Saturday with no problem (but was EXHAUSTED, can't believe that's only 1/3 of a marathon!!), did pretty well with eating, and did very well with drinking. I went to a barbecue at my coworker's house on Saturday, and successfully resisted the pressure to down margarita after margarita and eat a ton of crap. Sunday was a rest day, but I still did well with my eating. Hooray!
I was looking at the calendar and I realized that I have a little more than ten weeks until my wedding dress shopping weekend (I invited my parents, his parents, and our sisters to come with me and that was the first weekend that everyone's available). Of course, my first thought was "I have to lose weight before then." You know how that goes... crazy fad diets and insane exercise regimens and endless misery.
That got me thinking about what I'm trying to accomplish with my diet and exercise and overall health. Here's my list of reasons why I want to whip myself into shape:
I know that I have the breast cancer gene (I got tested after EVERY female relative on my mother's side had it, include my mom). I know that alcohol and excess weight contribute to breast cancer. I want to minimize my risk.
I love running, and one day, I'd love to actually be competitive in 10k races. I've done a lot of reading, and I know that elite female runners tend to have around 15% body fat. I have roughly double that. I want to lose fat and build muscle to improve my performance.
I've struggled with using substances (including food) to comfort myself for years. I want to break that pattern before I start my new life with my fiance.
I want to feel great about myself on my wedding day and every day.
My goals for my diet are 1) eat more fruit and veggies; 2) eat less processed food; 3) get enough protein to build muscle; and 4) eat enough GOOD carbs to have energy for running. My fitness goals are 1) stick to my marathon training program; 2) strength training 2-3x per week; and 3) Pilates 1-2x per week for flexibility.
I'm trying to keep myself focused on reducing my risk of breast cancer and other medical problems, improving my running performance, and improving my emotional health instead of what I ALWAYS focus on, which is looking skinny. Help me stay in line if I start ranting about fitting into a size 0 wedding dress or something insane like that!
I haven't had a Kit Kat (my old archenemy) since May 16. That's more than two weeks!!! And I didn't even realize it until now... may wonders never cease. Hooray!
Yesterday was much better than I had expected. I wound up doing pretty well at lunch--one piece of bread, hamburger (ate half the bun), and fruit. My coworkers tried to force cake on me (I know they meant well, but seriously--no means no!!) and I took one bite and left the rest. I had one drink at happy hour (mmmm... mojito) and one drink and a very small amount of ceviche (kind of like salsa, only with fish in it) at dinner. So hooray!
Tonight is my group speed run night, which I'm looking forward to. It'll be good to get out there and push myself a little bit. I made a new training program for my marathon--I'm getting excited! Tomorrow will be strength training and Pilates, then the long run on Saturday and rest on Sunday. So far, so good.
Thanks so much to those of you who sent emails and posted comments yesterday. I was feeling really down and it helped a lot to hear from you!
I did a really good job with exercise yesterday--my 4-mile hill workout plus Pilates, and I did a decent job with eating up until dinner. Then I blew it. In a bad way. I was afraid that dinner wasn't going to go well because I was meeting up with a friend who I've been kind of drifting away from. I knew it would be awkward and that I might get anxious. It was and I did. So I ate A LOT.
But that's not the worst part. I kind of had an eating disorder relapse after that. (I was bulimic for more than ten years.) Yep. I made myself throw up. I feel so horrible about it. I feel like it's cheating and taking the easy way out. I feel like I chose the quick fix instead of addressing what was bothering me. I feel gross and weak and awful.
I'm trying not to get too down about it. The good news is that I got up and ran 5 miles this morning, which made me feel better. The bad news is that I'm going to wind up eating ALL THREE MEALS in restaurants today (breakfast because I'm lazy, lunch because of an office birthday, and dinner with friends) PLUS I have a business-related happy hour after work. This is the worst time for me to have to deal with all that temptation. Sigh...
Oh well. There's no use in wallowing in self-pity, right? What's done is done and there's no going back. Continuing to dwell on it will only increase the chances that I'll do it again. Today is a new day, and I'll do my best to make it a good day.
Hello!! I hope everyone enjoyed the long weekend! The trip to Africa was great. The city was beautiful, the wedding was lovely, and the bride was gorgeous! I did manage to get one run in while I was gone, but I ate and drank SO MUCH. I weighed myself this morning and I was at 149.8. I'm sure a little of that was water weight, but I wouldn't be surprised if I gained a pound or two while I was gone.
I got up this morning and did my hill run. It felt great to get back into my exercise routine. I want to focus on getting my diet/cravings under control. I feel like I've been far too controlled by food lately--meaning that I haven't been making much of an effort to eat healthy foods. I've been eating very few fruits and vegetables and a lot of fat and processed food (and alcohol while we were at the wedding). The madness must stop!
I want to add weight training into my schedule, so I'm going to try to do a strength workout 2-3 times per week. I already run 4-5 times per week and do Pilates 1-2 times per week. If I eat a reasonable diet, I should have no problem losing a pound per week. If I did that all summer, I'd be at my goal!
That said, controlling the cravings is always easier said than done. What are your best tips for fighting off cravings? Drink water? Take a quick walk? Chew gum? How do you get through it?
