I swear, this week has been such a huge roller coaster. I felt pretty good yesterday, then had a huge crying breakdown last night. My poor fiance is a saint. Seriously. Unfortunately, I also had a little relapse into some very bad behavior from my past last night (I was bulimic for about ten years, recovering for about 1.5 years). It wasn't good. God, I can't wait for this nightmare to be over.
In other news, I'm leaving this afternoon to head to New Jersey on business. I'll drive up, stay the night there, have a day of meetings, and drive back tomorrow. My parents will be getting in tomorrow night, and we'll go to the hospital Friday morning for surgery.
I honestly wish they weren't coming. I don't want anyone there but my fiance. I don't want anyone to visit me in the hospital. I don't want flowers. (I know how terribly ungrategul that sounds, but it's true.) I just want to be left alone until it's all over.
My mood today is definitely worse. I feel very weepy and anxious and, to be perfectly honest, I feel damn sorry for myself. I know other people have to go through much worse, but this frigging sucks.
Sorry to be so depressing. I'm sure my mood will be better next week--a whole week off work to watch soap operas and eat ice cream guilt-free. That's pretty sweet, right?
Posted By: runjenrun
Comments to this post:
07/11/2007 08:47
Destructive Behaviors
Why do they always seem to find a way back into our lives when stress hits? That makes the stress even bigger! I think you are having lots of anxiety and hopefully after Friday, you'll be able to calm down some. I'm still thinking about you!
You're doing the best you can do under the circumstances. Is there any way you can take longer off of work to recover? A week doesn't seem like very long. Oh, and you are fully allowed to feel sorry for yourself. Just because others have gone through worse doesn't make this a walk in the park. Things like this have to be looked at relative to our own lives, not those of others.
Oh, and if I you lived around here, I would definitely deliver some yummy dinners! Especially while you're recovering. Good luck today. My thoughts are with you.
You wouldn't be normal if you weren't going through a roller coaster right now! This is huge, and you are entitled to run the gamut of emotions. Naturally that doesn't mean it's healthy to indulge in destructive behaviors, but it's understandable, given the level of stress.
Be good to yourself. Take time for yourself. If you need people to leave you be, tell them. Thinking of you, and sending lots of hugs and positive energy . . .
I know you're out of town today, but I just wanted to stop by and say hi and see how you're holding up. Hope all is going as well as possible. I'll be sending lots of positive thoughts your way tomorrow.
