Who knows?
Somehow, despite my continued lack of desire to exercise (I ran 4 miles yesterday, but skipped running today--will go to Pilates this afternoon), I weighed 144 this morning--a new low for me. I don't know how and I don't know why (I do suspect dehydration), but I'll take it.
Exercising just feels futile right now. I know I'm going to be having major surgery at some point, which will leave me virtually inactive for about 6 weeks. I know I probably won't be able to do my marathon. I know I'm going to lose muscle tone and probably gain weight. So I just don't feel like trying--why bother?. But that's stupid, isn't it? I mean, shouldn't I be using this time to enjoy exercising and lose as much weight as possible? I don't know.
I'm definitely in a funk right now. I'm still trying to get in to see my doctor. She was called for jury duty today, but I'm hoping she'll be able to squeeze me in this afternoon. We'll see.
The only good thing about all this is that, for once in my life, I'm not hungry. That's right, ladies and gentlemen, I do not want to eat. I want to lay in bed with the covers over my head. I want to cry. I want to smoke (but I'm not). But I don't want to eat. Silver lining.