I'm having a hard time these days. Friday and Saturday were very bad eating days, and Sunday wasn't great. Even worse, I skipped my long run--which I NEVER do--and have to make it up today. (Somehow, I'm still hanging in the 145s, which is an absolute miracle.) I also haven't been sleeping very well, and I've been feeling pretty blue.
It's this surgery thing. I don't think I can have a double masectomy dangling over my head for six months. (I had intended to put it off until after my wedding.) I'm going to try to get an appointment with my doctor tomorrow to tell her that I want to do it as soon as possible. The anxiety is eating me alive, and I want to get the frigging thing over with. I just can't take six more months of the waiting and the worrying and the third opinions and people sending me articles and looking at pictures of scars and all that crap. I'll be a basket case (a FAT basket case) by then.
Deep breath...
The good thing about this weekend is that I didn't drink or smoke, which I've been known to do in times of anxiety. Another bonus is that my fiance has been wonderful. He told me that he doesn't care what my chest looks like and whether or not I have scars, that he wants me to be there to have kids and grow old with him. If I can just get through this surgery, I think I'll be able to focus on being healthy.
Have a great Monday, Jen
Posted By: runjenrun
Comments to this post:
07/02/2007 10:49
Sorry
I'm sorry you had such a crappy weekend. I can't imagine what all you're going through. Hopefully your long run that you make up today will help clear your head, even if for just a few hours. Sometimes that's all you need.
Feel better soon, Lindy
p.s. We all have bad eating days now and then. It just happens, don't sweat it. All you can worry about today is what you're going to do TODAY!
Under the circumstances. I'm sorry you have to deal with such scary stuff. Have you thought about seeing a counselor or a psychologist to help you through the emotional side of the surgery? It's fantastic that your fiance is so supportive. I know it can't take all the anxiety away, but at least he can help. Good luck today with your long run and your eating. Make sure you take time every day to do something fun for yourself.
I teared up reading your post. Especially what your fiance said. Sometimes there are more important things in life than weight loss. You are dealing with so much. In a perfect world, we'd say that no matter what food isn't the answer. But you really have to concentrate on bigger matters. I'm praying for you. Good luck whatever you choose.
On a lighter note, I can donate some of my boobage to you if you'd like. I have plenty to spare. No, I'm not trying to make light of the situation.
