High Highs and Low Lows

That's how it seems lately--like I'm either really doing well, or really doing terribly.

Yesterday started off great. I was in a wonderful mood, I felt great about the day before, and I had done well with eating and exercise. Then things kind of fell apart.

Problem 1: I went to my breast cancer doctor. (I don't have and have never had breast cancer. My mother had it five times and tested positive for the breast cancer gene. I got tested and I have it too, which means that I have a greater than 50% chance of developing it by the time I'm 45.) She's trying to convince me to have a preventive double masectomy and have both ovaries removed. I told her that I don't want to do that. She said I should at least start chemoprevention, which will put me into early menopause. I told her I want kids, and she told me to go ahead and have them now and then start it. I told her we want to wait a few years and she said I'm not taking my health seriously. Bottom line: I left her office feeling anxious, scared, guilty, and frustrated.

Problem 2: I got handed a whole additional portfolio at work (I'm an analyst for the government). It is subject matter that I am not qualified to work with--I've never done it before in my life, and I'm now IN CHARGE OF IT. On top of the 45 other projects (yes, 45 is the actual, real number) I'm supervising.

Problem 3: I'm having a really hard time finding a venue that works for our wedding. It seems like everywhere we find is too small, too expensive, or too far away. It's enough to make me want to get married at the courthouse in a jogging suit.

So... last night did not go well. Not well at all. I don't feel like rehashing the gory details--that will just depress me--but just know that it wasn't pretty.

I'm trying to stay positive today, but I'm not going to lie--it's hard. I've got Pilates after work, then a 6-mile run tonight. Exercise always lifts my spirits. The fiance has beeng reat--very supportive and comforting. So all in all, I'm in a good place. Just stressed and a little disappointed in myself.

OK. I'm done whining. Time to get my game face on and have a good day!

Game face

Sometimes that gets us through the tough times....  putting that game face on even if we don't really mean it.  I know you are under a whole lot of stress right now.  And I know that makes it harder to make good decisions.  However, try to remember, at least in the back of your head, that food will never be the answer.  Once you binge, you still have the stress and now you add guilt and possibly a few extra pounds to the list.  Good luck having an on plan day!  I know you can do it.

Dealing

What a great way to deal with the stress!  Many of us would drown our sorrows in a bowl of Ben & Jerry's, but you choose to do it constructively.  I hope everything works itself out for you.  Sounds like you have a wonderful support system (friends & family).  Have a great day!

Angel

Don't be disappointed

With all the crap that gets thrown at us every day, all you can do is do the best you can under the circumstances. Ask for help at work if you need it (and if there is anyone to ask). Maybe consult a second doctor regarding the breast cancer prevention. Look into alternative therapies. You've probably already done tons of research on the subject, but make sure you don't do something as drastic as your doctor is suggesting without being 100% sure about it. Good luck today, and have faith that the PERFECT venue for your wedding will turn up. Oh and NO KIT KATS today!! :)

hugs

Ruling the World!

Hey!  That entry was a doozy!  But after reading it, I thought this:

All your exercising, healthy eating and weight loss will only give that cancer a run for its money!  Really!

And can I just say that "analyst for the government" sounds pretty intense - like you should be the lead role in some spy/action/conspiracy summer blockbuster!

MAN!

That IS alot to deal with.  As for the breast cancer thing, I've never heard of such measures.  Have you researched it, met with other doctors?  I don't know that seems awfully negative.  That would really bother me, too.  What does your husband thing?

As for work, is there any reason why you can't just tell them "I don't know how to do this?  I mean, especially if it's not directly in your job description.  Maybe that way you can get some extra help on it.

Wedding--I know I had trouble with the wedding planing, too.  I gained about 15 pounds, yikes!  Maybe you could do an outside wedding...or are you a member of a church?  Maybe you can do it at low or no cost?  I dunno, just trying to help.

-Lindy