11/20

I think that I'm depressed.  I've been trying to fight it, but I think that I need to get help.  Tonight, I was supposed to be writing a paper and yet I spent a long time on the floor crying because I couldn't decide what to have for supper.  It was ridiculous.  I hate that I do things like that.  I just don't know whether or not I'm going to be able to ask for help.

Sorry for being a downer.  I'm having a lot of trouble trying to talk to anyone about it.

11/11/08

Checking In

Trying not to be discouraged

     The whole time I was at school yesterday, I was planning to go work out when I got home.  Near the end of my last class, I started to not feel well and by the time I got home, I felt pretty awful.  Boo.  I feel like I'm losing ground. 

     I just need to be positive.  There are bound to be setbacks when trying to lose this much weight.

Not a good week for weight loss

     I've had cramps for like a week and if I move around too much I start to feel like I'm going to be sick.  Still, "that time of the month" has not arrived.  I'm kind of annoyed.  This is probably going to be TMI, but it hasn't been here since probably July.  I'm not pregnant.  I'm a virgin.  However, I am getting pretty frustrated.  It's been really irregular for a long while.  I tried birth control which did make it better, but it was expensive and made me feel achy, sick to my stomach, and emotional for most of the month.  This isn't right either though.  I'm thinking about trying to get another doctor's appointment, but I don't know.

     Anyway, I don't even know what my weight is right now, but it's probably not too pretty.  I'm feeling enormous.  Minor setback though, right?  I hope everyone else had a good week!

Homecoming

     I went up to my college for homecoming yesterday.  It's the first one since I graduated in December.  It was fun.  Plus, I just really needed to get out of the apartment for the day.  Unfortunately, I did not make it to the gym yesterday, but I did go today.  I also didn't eat all that badly yesterday, but I didn't drink nearly enough water. 

     I'm pretty excited about the idea of getting below 160 pounds.  I only have about three and a half more pounds to go, so it is sort of feeling like it could happen.  Then, I believe that 156 is halfway...!  That will feel amazing.  I just need to keep working hard.

Confidence Issue

     Apparently, I no longer think that it's possible for someone worth dating to be interested in dating me.  I suppose that it is mostly the result of bad experiences in the past.  I know it's a bad attitude to have, but I just can't help it.  I don't even know what to do about it.  I don't want to keep sabotaging myself with something stupid like that though.

     I had a good workout today.  It's getting easier.  I think I'll up the intensity a little bit soon.

Just Another Monday

I put in my 50 minutes at the gym today.  I really didn't want to go.  It was a long day at school today and sometimes it's hard to see that an hour at the gym really does any good.  I just need to stay positive and motivated.  Patience, Rachel.  Patience.

10/12

This was not the best weekend ever as far as losing weight goes.  I'm too easily discouraged though, so I am just telling myself that it could have been worse.  It could've been.  Easily.

I worked out for an hour today.  I got reeeeeaaalllllly sweaty.  It was disgusting, but it felt good.  Right now, I am trying to think of something healthy to have for supper.

I feel those lingering doubts, but I have lost over twenty pounds.  There was no magic to it and I didn't do it without any mistakes.  I can make it to a healthy weight.  No more of these "I'm just going to be fat for forever," thoughts.

I like Thursdays :)

     I spent 53 minutes working out today.  I feel pretty good.  I'd been a bit bothered this week because someone who was once very, very important to me got engaged.  I spent a lot of time wondering what was so much better about her than me, thinking I was going to be alone for forever, etc., but I haven't cried all day today.  So, I'm doing ok. 

     Also, I filled my gas tank up on $3.29 gas for the first time in a while.  Yay!