New year, new me?

Hmmmm....

I have fits of wanting to be very diligent about food and exercise and stuff.

And then I have days in which I want to eat peanut butter cups all day until my stomach hurts.

I'm trying to stick with the former scenario, instead of the latter.

It's hard.

Dropping off a little at a time

I'm dropping weight.  For the first time in a while, I'm dropping weight.  I'm lifting a lot of weight at the gym, because cardio machines bore me to tears.  I'm starting to see definition to my biceps, even though my arms still are chunky.  I feel myself getting stronger, and I like the way I feel after I leave the gym.  Tight, pumped, ready for anything.  I reward myself by spending time in the massage chair at the gym.  I won't allow myself to have the massage if I don't do my complete workout, so I push through, even when I'm not motivated to do the work, because I ALWAYS want the massage.

I also have gained a partner, a friend who has lost a good bit of weight and who is working on losing more.  It's true what "they" say about having a friend to coach and cajole and encourage and inspire.  She helps me to stay on track with my food, and she says I inspire her to work out more.  And we're becoming closer as friends, and that's never a bad thing.

I find myself getting excited about going to the gym, because I want to see the scale move.  I could get discouraged, because the weight isn't coming off quickly, but I tell myself that I probably am losing fat, but that the muscle I'm gaining weighs more than the fat I'm losing.  I can't wait to be strong and toned, to look on the outside the way I view myself on the inside.

I can do this.

Trying something new

Okay, so I've been expanding my life, broadening my sphere, trying to get outside of myself.  Along the way, I met this really nice woman who has been doing a clean protein diet, and she's convinced me to try it.  She's lost over 50 pounds so far, doing protein shakes, lots of raw veggies, and lean protein.  She's not much of an exerciser.  Me?  I still go to the gym, although sometimes it's a hit-and-miss operation.  I tried the shakes and veggies yesterday, and I was surprised at how full I was.  I didn't want to snack, because I was having a shake every three hours and munching on bell peppers, cucumbers, and cherry tomatoes all day long.  We'll see how it goes.  I'm still not ready to give up on myself, even though I'm failing miserably at weight loss right now.  I seem to be gaining weight, but I've been lifting a lot of weights at the gym, so that might be the culprit.  We'll see...

Lethargy

Shooting myself in the foot

Okay, so I've been going to the gym and getting a fair amount of exercise every day, with only a few exceptions.  If I don't go to the gym, I at least walk for an hour.  The problem is my eating.  Now that I'm exercising, it seems like I get very hungry.  I'm not just eating out of stress or because the food's there; I'm eating because my stomach is growling.  But I'm gaining weight.  I have to find the balance.  Sometimes I think that knowing how many calories I burned on a machine or during a walk isn't such a blessing, because I think my mind computes it as, "Well, you burned off 350 calories, so you can have some ice cream."

I'll try harder today. 

I really went all out last night and got drunk off tequila.  Now, at not-quite-0630, I feel like refried death.  MUST...  GET...  WATER...

Let's keep going, ladies.  Even when we have setbacks, just keep steaming ahead.  I figure, if I don't give up on myself, I WILL make it, even if it takes me a while... 

*Sigh...*

Yesterday, I had my lunch all ready to go, but then I had to drive to a town a half-hour away (during my hour-long lunch break) to pick up the evidence that the police took from my house after the shooting.  It is, after all, technically my property.  I was nervous about it, though, and hungry.  With hardly a thought, I whipped through the drive-thru at BK and got a couple Whopper Jr.'s and a large fry.  I was done with it before I thought much about it.  Then, after I picked up the property, I was freaked out about having it in my car.  Somewhere in the boxes was the gun that was used in my attempted murder, and I was a little surprised at how hard my heart was beating.  By the time I got back to work, I was ready to get it all out of my car and away from me.  I never opened the boxes.  I asked a coworker to take them away.

Later, though, after I was back at work and zinging along, I noticed that I was getting tired, and I was hungry, despite eating all those calories at lunch.  By the time I got home, I was too tired to attend our weekly domestic violence support group meeting.  The kids were disappointed, but I barely could hold my eyes open.  I was sleeping before 20:00.

What have I learned?  That eating crap makes me feel like crap.  No wonder I always was tired and void of energy!  Today is a new day, though, and I shan't be making the same mistake twice.  I'll be having a healthy lunch today, and my butt will be at the gym tonight.  I rather prefer the way I feel after a workout, instead of the deadness I felt yesterday.

Goals: WATER, gym, healthy food choices...  Sleep.  Oh, and a sit in the massage chair!  :-)

I better get a jump...  Enjoy your day, ladies!

Thor!

I am so sore!

Okay, so I joined a gym on Friday evening, and I worked out on Saturday and Sunday, only feeling a little sore.  I did upper body on Saturday and lower body and abs on Sunday, with cardio on both days (bike).  When I woke up this morning, my arms were killing me!  Ouch!  My legs were only a little sore (and I thought I worked my lower body the most!) and are much better now.  The thing is that I could have used my pain as an excuse not to go to the gym today, but I packed my gym bag this morning, and I headed to the gym after work (it's sort of on my way home, if you count detouring into the next town over as "on the way home").  I did my 35 minutes of cardio (30 minutes balls-out, 5 minutes cool down) on the bike, and boy THEN I could feel soreness in my legs.  Then I did upper body, but I decreased the weight and did more reps.  It hurt, but not badly.  I made sure to stretch before, during, and after, and now my arms feel pretty good, almost like the workout helped the pain.  I dunno...

So my steps goal is 10,000/day, with at least 3500 of those being aerobic.  I've been having trouble with getting in all the steps, even if I manage to get in aerobic steps (doesn't happen often), because I've been coming home and getting bogged down in stuff.  You know how it goes.  The kids run out to give you hugs and kisses before you've shut off the car.  They're talking all at once and holding things in your face and trying to get your attention.  Meanwhile, you're just trying to get inside so you can put down your purse.  Then they're hungry, so you're cooking, and before you know it, it's bedtime, and you've done nothing for yourself.  Well, stop it, I say!  I have found that, in the 3 days that I've worked out, I have more energy, I sleep better, and my hunger seems more natural.  Does that make sense?  I get hungry at appropriate times, and I don't eat when I'm not hungry.  Is it the exercise, or is it just my dogged determination to get thin again?  Hmmm...

I'm going to blog my activity a day behind, because it would seem silly to blog about my steps before the day is done (my pedometer resets itself at midnight).  So yesterday's activity lowdown is as follows:

Sunday, June 28, 2009
35 minutes on the bike, burning 150 calories

Leg press: 100 reps at 110 pounds, then 15 reps at 170 pounds
Leg extension: 50 reps at 30 pounds
Leg curl: 100 reps at 50 pounds
Glute machine: 25 reps on each side at 30 pounds
Calf raises: 100 reps at 50 pounds
Hip abduction: 100 reps at 50 pounds
Hip adduction: 100 reps at 50 pounds, then 100 reps at 30 pounds
Roman chair: 30 reps at 50 pounds, then 60 reps at 30 pounds

Total steps: 7155 (didn't meet goal)
Aerobic steps: 4951 (exceeded goal)

Can you tell that I didn't do much after I got back from the gym?  I hung out with the boys and played board games with them, which wasn't bad.  I spanked 'em at Monopoly by becoming the slum lord and building hotels on Baltic and Mediterranean.  They say I should "let" them win.  I say there's nothing wrong with me winning sometimes...

So...  yeah...  that's it.  Tomorrow is another day.  My goals are simple.  I want to make healthy food choices, drink lots of water, get a good amount of sleep, and get my hind-end to the gym.  We have a domestic violence support group meeting tomorrow after work, so I'm going to be late at the gym, but I'm going.  Who knows?  I might get up early and go before work, before the kids wake up.  I think it opens at 0500...  I would look like forty dollars worth of heinous, but who cares?

Anyway, I hope everyone had a great day and met their goals for today.  If you didn't, keep trying!  You can do it!

Later, Taters!

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes...

I'm not messing around any more.  I've been drinking water (around 100 oz. a day, because it's so hot here), weighing out my food and watching calories, and I joined a gym last night.  I went there this morning and did 35 minutes on a bike (30 mins at 145-150 bpm with a 5-minute cool down).  Then I did an entire circuit of upper body exercises.  Then I went for a round in the massage chair, because relaxation isn't a bad thing.  Tomorrow, I plan to do more cardio and the circuit of lower body.  I am SICK of being fat.  People say not to make radical changes, but if I don't make radical changes, I'm going to be fat for the rest of my life.  I remember how I felt when I was thin, how much confidence I had, how beautiful I felt.  I want to feel like THAT again.  I don't care what I have to do.  I want to feel better about myself, and for the first time, I can see myself thin again.  I want it.

Anyway, I'm journaling my food choices and trying to make sure that, if I want a treat, I make sure that I keep watch in the rest of my calorie intake to that I don't go crazy.  Yesterday, one of the guys at work brought a big container of Dunkin' Donuts Munchkins.  I had to send out the email letting everyone know that they were in the break room, so I looked up the calorie count online and posted it with the email, letting everyone know that the little sugar bombs were 60 calories each.  I never touched them.

I can't wait to be thin!

Concentrating

I've been trying to focus more on myself, less on what others want from me.  The boys are first, of course, but then I HAVE to take time to do things for myself.  I cannot keep telling myself that it's okay to run myself ragged to the point that I no longer have the energy to exercise or prepare healthy meals for myself.  No, I DO have time for that, and what I DON'T have time for is all the crap that other people want me to deal with.  So...

Yesterday, I drank lots of water, I stayed away from the snack jars at work, and I ate somewhat sensibly.  I was glad to see that I am down a pound today.  One down...  50 bazillion to go... 

I also got lots of rest last night, which is always good.  I went nearly two years on a bare minimum of sleep, but here lately I've been tired at appropriate times and have been listening to my body and going to sleep.  I wake up refreshed and ready to go.  Now, if only the weather would cooperate, so that going outside isn't quite so torturous!  My pale Irish skin practically sizzles when I step outside in the blazing Florida sun!  Eek!  But the boys and I have been going to the park in the early evening and walking the trail, then they play basketball while I write or read for a while.  It is a nice end to the day, and I look forward to it.  I have found that there is nothing wrong with a simple, somewhat boring life.  I LOVE status quo.

I'm off to start my day.  I am psyching myself up for a good day filled with good food choices and lots of trips to the bathroom to offload all the water I've been drinking.  I hope everyone has a great day!

Getting back

Hi...  I've been away for a while.  The world went to hell, but I'm back on a mostly even keel, and it's time to focus on myself again. 

I'm not only hoping to be successful at losing weight; I'm hoping to find myself, the me that's been screaming to get out for a while.  I remember that she is pretty cool.

Today is the first day.