So i feel very much desperate. There has been so much going on with me that I feel like my eating sort of spun out of control. I am afraid to even look at the scale at the moment, but I know I need to sometime soon. I also know that I have to do this, I have to follow through. Also that I am capable of this. Just last night I was looking at some pics of myself  a few months before our wedding, now just only a year ago.  Like this one...

 

While I wasn't at goal, I still felt pretty damn good about myself.

 

Now I just find it depressing that I am probably close to 50 lbs heavier than this now, and I really hate it. I know I get stressed, and I know I eat when I get stressed. How do I just break that cycle forever? Something I have done for most of my nearly 25 years. I suppose then, I should expect that I may falter though. After all how do you just simply stop living how you have for your whole life. I think I am realizing more and more the extraordinary effort this will entail if I really want to succeed and keep it off indefinitely. I feel very frumpy and huge and I hate it. I am running low on clothes that fit, so now is the time to shut the hell up and just fucking do it I suppose. Not just by dieting, or exercising ( i did join planet fitness but have barely used it do to a foot injury), but possibly even some psychological help. My husband and I have talked about me speaking to my doc about treatment for anxiety...seeing as that tends to be the root of my eating problems. In general I don't feel depressed...I am quite happy except about my weight....but I stress out alot, and it has physical affects on me, not just overeating.  Maybe that will also help. who knows. All I do know is I miss that girl in the pic and hate feeling like she is a complete stranger to the person i am now.

 

tata