05/04/2009 19:32
A tiny bit of relief
Since my last post I had a serious heart to heart with myself. I can't keep making excuses or wish and hope that some miracle will help me get to where I need to be. As much as I have told myself that before, there is more to it now. People that will depend on me in the coming years and I need to be able to be there for them, not sick and having trouble walking.
I didn't stress too much about food this weekend, and I don't think i did that bad, besides we painted ALOT this weekend. We got our whole kitchen painted, two huge walls (we have vaulted ceilings so 2 of the walls we painted go very high up), and a smaller accent wall. Granted we were so tired, we only got the 2nd coat done in the kitchen, but we had also finished painting the kitchen cabinets as well. My arms and sides are still sore from painting, but our kitchen is so much prettier than when we moved in. So...i got a bit of a workout, and tomorrow I am going to try and get in some gym time.
Another very positive thing that happened is my aunt helped me pay off the money i owed my college (not my student loans). This money was keeping me from going back to school. So, also this week, I will be starting the process of getting ready to go back to school in august to finish off prerequisites so that I can go to nursing school. I am going to have to work my butt off to get good grades so that I can get into the program, and it may feel like a long 3 years (that being if I went part time to finish requisites and go into nursing in august 2010), but it will be worth it in the end. This is just another reason I want to get down to a healthier weight, so I can do my job as a nurse one day.
So for now, I am doing slim fast, since it is a relatively cheaper diet to keep up with.
Well thats all for now. I'll write more later.
05/01/2009 17:09
Suck it up
So i feel very much desperate. There has been so much going on with me that I feel like my eating sort of spun out of control. I am afraid to even look at the scale at the moment, but I know I need to sometime soon. I also know that I have to do this, I have to follow through. Also that I am capable of this. Just last night I was looking at some pics of myself a few months before our wedding, now just only a year ago. Like this one...
While I wasn't at goal, I still felt pretty damn good about myself.
Now I just find it depressing that I am probably close to 50 lbs heavier than this now, and I really hate it. I know I get stressed, and I know I eat when I get stressed. How do I just break that cycle forever? Something I have done for most of my nearly 25 years. I suppose then, I should expect that I may falter though. After all how do you just simply stop living how you have for your whole life. I think I am realizing more and more the extraordinary effort this will entail if I really want to succeed and keep it off indefinitely. I feel very frumpy and huge and I hate it. I am running low on clothes that fit, so now is the time to shut the hell up and just fucking do it I suppose. Not just by dieting, or exercising ( i did join planet fitness but have barely used it do to a foot injury), but possibly even some psychological help. My husband and I have talked about me speaking to my doc about treatment for anxiety...seeing as that tends to be the root of my eating problems. In general I don't feel depressed...I am quite happy except about my weight....but I stress out alot, and it has physical affects on me, not just overeating. Maybe that will also help. who knows. All I do know is I miss that girl in the pic and hate feeling like she is a complete stranger to the person i am now.
tata
02/24/2009 05:37
Whew
Lots has been going on...yes including my weight going up. I also did stop weight watchers, very much for financial reasons. I have started a new vegetarian diet (ok well really just eating healthier and working out).
I am not so fixated on weightloss...but now am trying to train for 5k's. Did my first one a couple weeks ago and loved it and now I just want to improve my times by training myself and eating better. I really probably won't weigh myself too much, but rather do my weigh ins when i notice changes in my clothing. Well thats all tata.
01/07/2009 16:41
If you couldn't guess
When I dont stick to goal I tend to shy away from here, and my weight watchers meetings. Terrible...i know...and I know better. But if there is one thing I learned, every day is a new day and I can start over and make this one different. So...i am lol. One tiny setback that SUCKS... but will be resolved hopefully soon, will be that my wii fit disc BROKE! and we have no idea how it got a crack in it. i had been keeping it in its case and taking care to not hurt any of my wii stuff since my husband so lovingly spent way too much on my for christmas and I really do appreciate it.
So after having a hissy fit on saturday over my wii fit disc, i talked to nintendo who is rma'ing it for me and hopefully it will be back in less than 2 weeks...until then I just have to resort to my balance ball and going down to the treadmills. ah well... this is life and shit happens right?
I think I let it be my excuse not to work out and fall off the wagon again but thats not how I wanted to start 2009 so here we go again. Today I plan to have green day cafe wrap (6 points) and workout when i get home since my husband has food he can have for dinner. tomorrow night I am meeting up with a coworker to do some walking after work. and I am going to the weigh in on saturday...despite possibly gaining. I hate to keep going and not losing but whatever...I can change that and need to and until i do i need to see that my passiveness will not be rewarded...alright..well thats all for now.
12/31/2008 17:53
keep on keepin on
So I was very pleased with myself last night.lol not to sound smug. I accomplished everything i set out to. Stayed within points, cooked (had sushi!), worked out on the wii fit for an hour and a half, did the dishes, and laundry.
I am not sure what will go on tonight. One of my friends wanted to hang out for a little but im used to, and honestly like just chilling with my husband on new years, so i rather just stay in, but we will see I suppose. Either way I really want to get in a good workout. I have off the next 4 days and definitely do not plan to waste those and would like to double up on workouts.obviously with a large break in between. Im curious to see just how much of an effect it would bring on my body. I like that I can see how I am doing on different workouts as it has made me want to challenge myself more.
I have to say I definitely reccomend getting the wii fit and think it could still have even more things they could do with it in the future. And some people say you can cheat the system with it and make it look like you worked out...but that just sounds dumb and would only hurt the idiot that pretends to workout....i just cant figure out what the point in doing that would be lol. You wouldnt lose weight or actually tone anything.
Anyways thats all for the last day of the year. I plan to head into this next year strong and keep up the pace throughout the next year. 2009 is a new year, and it will have a new me. Happy new years everyone and best of luck in all of your endeavors!!!!!!!!!!!!!
12/30/2008 16:03
Pondering
So since friday I have been on my wii fit working out about 4 hours...I think thats pretty good. its the first time in a LONG time im working out every day. I notice my knees feel better, stronger lol. I hope I lose this week but I will just have to watch my points the rest of the week. I have to figure that as long as I do that...and push myself to get the best workouts in i can...then I will start seeing a change. Not to mention its TOM for me so no wonder i havent seen a big change, i feel all blah lol. 2009 will be different for me. If i can stick with eating vegetarian, i can stick with eating healthy, as well as working out.
So..what have i been doing on my wii fit since friday you may wonder? running (err running in place), crunches, push-up side planks, yoga, lunges, hula hooping, and boxing. lol I have been doing all kinds of stuff on it and i love it. I love the variety and If you really make an effort you really feel like you got in a good work out. I really enjoy hula hooping and boxing on there. Tonight I am hoping to get a full hour of working out in. Yesterday I had a friend over so by the time she left I only got in 30 mins before going to get robert from work.
Welp..thats all for me. I will try and make one last post tomorrow before the end of the year. Then one on the first because next year WILL be different, and I am changing my thinking, and how I do things, because as i said before " i can't do the same old thing and expect a different result."
12/26/2008 21:19
WIIIIIIIIII!
my husband not only bought me a wii, but a wii fit! guess what im doing tonight!
12/17/2008 19:57
the grinch
So christmas is making me feel slightly stressed. Seeing as my husband's father's side of the family never seemed to take a huge interest in us other than when we visit them, or call them...etc We really did not think that we would even be really seeing them on xmas. well his grandmother sent us a very generous check for xmas, and his father invited us down there. I dont want to say no, but i love hanging out with my family on xmas, and secondly I have no idea if/what I should get any of them being I dont know them very well at all.
I thought about making some handmade soap and other stuff to put into a cute little giftbasket for them women anyway, since that wouldnt end up too costly for multiple people and would come off as a more personal gift. I know my family would like it and so would roberts mother etc... but his stepmom, grandma, and two aunts i have no clue.
lets not forget that seeing all them i am Heavier than when i last saw them and i HATE it lol. Part of me feels like when i leave they are going to be like...yeah she is letting herself go since the wedding is over with :(. maybe they dont, but my evil antagonistic self thinks that.
Im not sure how to go about this...but I am not going to worry too much about it right now...maybe I will even bring something baked down...*sigh*
alright im done venting... I am sure things will be fine...i think i worry too much what others think.
12/17/2008 15:33
Keeping up the "momentum"
I make a snarky "" regarding the new WW plan name. But in all honesty... while i missed two workout days (sunday and monday) i did manage to workout last night for 50 mins...I am aiming to do at least that today, tomorrow and friday.Will it make a difference? I hope so. Either way I want to keep going..and keep myself motivated. eventually I will see a difference. well not too into writing this morning. i might update later.
12/12/2008 15:57
Triggers
I need to learn to be more aware of the times of day I tend to go off plan...basically night time. I did great til i got home yesterday...I could have done worse...so...i guess I am slowly improving. I am still maintaining anyways, And as I said thats my new goal for the holidays...If i lose great...but my goal is not to gain. Once xmas and new years are done and gone I am grabbing this bull by the horns much more tightly. There is too much I want to do when I get to goal, and I dont want to be my own worst enemy. Maintaining may be small baby steps for me...but I need to learn them. Tomorrow I start my workout schedule... 1 hour....really that isnt much...if i do it after Weigh in...i think that would be great...as well as motivating...right after my meeting and all.
I may have missed weigh in last week...but I have not given up...and if I have not given up I also haven't failed.
In other news...my bento box got here last night. I immediately, after a quick rinse and dry...packed it. Granted I didn't make any cutsie stuff to put in it just yet, but I definitely will. I packed spaghetti squash with sauce and parmesan cheese in the top tier, and in the bottom i have 2 morningstar sausage links (NOT REAL MEAT HEHE) and carrot sticks. I also have about 4 small clementines in my bag. Those are the only things I packed extra, since they are yummy fruits. OH! and I also put one of my pretty napkins in the little utensil spot on top of the top lid. I bought a pack of these black napkins with with white dots going in a circle from IKEA for i think a dollar and change. I have been wanting to use them...so last night i thought why not have special napkins to go with my yummy lunches.
Another thing to note is Bento boxes are WAYYYY smaller then they seem to be in the pic...but then again there was nothing to compare it to scale-wise in the pic. I emailed the lady i bought it from to see if thats the standard size since im curious :). I was definitely not dissappointed in it...It just amazes me how large portions for an american lunch box can be in comparison and to me feels like lesson well learned (PORTION CONTROL!) hehehe.
Well I will post when I hear back from her. I am sure Ill be buying more bento stuff regardless! My bento box has already gotten nice comments from co-workers. one wants to get his daughter one for lunch. great way to teach kids healthy habits early on, such as portion size :).
this baby definitely isnt carrying a supersized meal :)
