Revenge Of The Big Girl

One Big Girl's Battle . . .

My Profile

  • Name: cyndie.lee
  • City: Port Vue
  • Region: Pennsylvania
  • Country: United States

My Weight Loss

Height: 175.3cm
Start weight: 289.00lb
Current weight: 271.40lb
Goal weight: 180.00lb
Lost to date: 17.60lb
Remaining: 91.40lb

My Calendar

May '15
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My Photos

Before After

Workin' Hard and Hardly Workin' . . .

Hello all!  Sorry it has been so long - I have been BEYOND busy with being out of town for work and when home, wedding planning, going to weddings and wedding showers of others and working 14-16 hour days (the end of the fiscal year in government really does bite!)

Somehow, through it all, I have manged to keep losing!  I am down 17.8 lbs. in a month and a week - and I am doing it without the pills quite well!  I think it has been helping that I am burning, 3200 to 3500 calories a day, compared to the average 1350 I am intaking a day (I am keeping an accurate food diary on another site, a site that also has an activity log that takes lifestyle and every single activity one can possibly do into consideration - down to showering!!!!)

Sure, I have had little "indiscretions" with food - my father's birthday brought a piece of cake and the showers and weddings I have been attending brought a lot more "regular food", but none of it to an extreme.  This past Friday night was the worst indiscretion of all - so damned tired I didn't have the energy to cook so we ordered calzones from the local pizza establishment.  Funny, because before a little over a month ago, I could have eaten the whole thing in one sitting and not even thought twice, but a little after 1/4 of the calzone, I was done.  Damned 5 cheese calzone probably prevented the "18" mark!!!!!!!

Let's address the Good, the Bad and the Ugly . . .


*  Went shopping yesterday morning for a few articles of clothing for vacation and I was literally brought to tears - I was able to put on a size 18 dress and get it zipped!  Understand, I have not been able to put ON an 18, yet alone get it zipped, since 9th grade (I am going on 39!)!!!!!!  It is strange because this weight loss, I seem to be losing it in different places than usual - my chins are gone (yea!!!!), but instead of my butt and boobs going first, my chest is leaving without a reduction in cup size and my hips are vanishing!!!  I am not complaining, but it is making clothing size differentials drastic!  I have gone from a 26/28 into a SOLID 22/24, with an 18/20 only approximately 5 lbs. away!!!

*  I went from a 28 to a 22 in jeans.

*  I got "elevator eyed" from an EXTREMELY attractive business man at work the other day and MAN DID IT FEEL GOOD!!!!!!!

*  Walking to the shuttle after work on Friday, I rounded a street corner in Downtown Pittsburgh, looked down, and saw a $20 bill lying on the ground.  I picked it up and after looking around to see if anyone was looking for it (Seriously, I am one of those people who do that - I have lost money before and it sucks!), looked at it and realized it wasn't a TWENTY, but TWO Twenties and a TEN folded.  The "creepy" part of this is that financially, I have been struggling and my bank accounts severely strained because of the wedding.  It was almost like it was a gift (from my maternal grandfather) who was famous for finding money all the time on the street!!!!

The BAD . . .

*  That damned calzone is haunting me!!!!

*  I put the wedding dress on yesterday afternoon and I will require much more extensive alterations than I had planned for (OK, so that is GOOD for me, BAD for the wallet!!!!!)

*  I am physically exhausted from the LONG hours of work and travel I have been putting in . . .

*  I just realized last evening that I STILL have not contacted the organist for the wedding and I MUST do so in the next day or two or I shall be sans music at the wedding!!!!!!

The UGLY . . .

*  I am FIGHTING the urge to chop off all of my hair in favor of a stylish pixie . . . much to the chagrin of my fiancee' (I have mid-back length EXTREMELY thick hair)

*  Any day that the weather has hit over 80 degrees, I have been a miserable cranky "Beotch" . . .

1 More Pound, Bamboo Blinds and a Big Girl Bustin' Moves . . .

It was so very nice to get on the scale this morning and see that 1 lb. off after the hell of last week!  I am taking my time and doing it right now . . .AND I FEEL GREAT!!!
I am sure that last night, my neighbor wasn't happy with me.  My exercise?  Danicing insanely around my living room for over an hour to Rhianna's "Only Girl In The World", Lady Gaga's "Judas" and Christina Aguliera's "Not Myself Tonight"!  I had it QUITE LOUD.  It felt REALLY GOOD dancing for that long!
Hopefully, my windows closed helped, but I have bamboo blinds on all my windows and in the evening, you can pretty much see right into my house.  Oh well!!!!  They need to get used to it!
What is funny is that I was going to rip on myself, but you know what, for a Big Girl, I have always been one heck of a dancer!!!!  15 years of dance clubbing didn't hurt!
OK, so I have NEVER been able to "booty pop" (you would think I could!), but I can still, to this day, bust out a MEAN Cabbage Patch, Running Man, REVERSE Running Man and a lot of the newer moves that don't really have names!
My calves are a tiny bit sore and I paid the price doing it to late and I laid awake for an hour after I went to bed, but it felt good to get moving like that again and damned if I didn't want to get out of bed and dance some more!!!!!!!
Anyway, back to work!  Sitting here in my office eating dry corn flakes and black coffee.  It may not sound like much, but it is VERY filling!

Is It Just Me???

Is it just me or is the activity log on here REALLY screwed up?  It is decreasing the kcals burned on some, quadrupling it on others . . .

I am just going to keep my exercise log at FitDay (that food diary is too convoluted to use!).


Why can't keeping track of this stuff be a little easier?

Inches Away! & Eye Of The Tiger

Good morning all (well, it's morning here!)

Feeling really good today!  Have about 90% of my energy back, got a GREAT night's sleep and the lower back pain is all but gone!  I even had a craving last night - and I indulged!!!!!!  It is REALLY nice to have that back!

Got in the car at 11:00 last night in my pink Monkey PJ's and blue slippers, drove to the local convenience store and bought a pack of Chuckles.  OK, baked good AND jelly candy/licorice are my worst weaknesses!  It was a 170 calories of sheer joy and took my calorie total to 1350 for the day.  Yes, it was bad because it was 11:00 at night and was "bad" calories, But it had to be done, and it got me a little bit closer to that 1500 mark that we all know is best! 

So I just got out the dreaded tape measure, but that yellow piece of whatever it is made of may become my friend pretty quickly . . .

SEVEN inches gone body-wide (no pun intended!)!!!  I lost 1" each from my neck, biceps, chest (Ugh!), thighs and calf, and 2" from the hips (where it REALLY counts!)  Of course I will say Ugh! with the chest area because I am a natural Double D and every time I have lost weight, I drop cup sizes - the last time clear down to a C!!!!  Granted, it feels a lot better with smaller Ta-Ta's, but my "girls" have always been my pride and joy!!!!  Ehhhhh, I am getting married, so maybe it will be no great loss!  ;~)

Seriously, I have never really minded the tape measure because as my Doc told me a long time ago, just because the scale didn't drop doesn't mean that you are still not dropping inches.  Having played Catcher in softball for 17 years (hence the bad knees and many of the broken bones I have had!), I carry a ton of muscle in my back and legs that I have always pushed to maintain because I don't want it turning to sludge - all flabby and the like (I cover the "flabby" area well on other parts)!  It is funny to watch me move furniture because I sit on the floor and push it with, as those who know me joke, my "Superman legs"! 

Anyway, I am tempted to get on the scale.  I hate to say that I want it to have gone up a pound or two because of the issues I had, but I would settle for MAINTAIN.

I am thinking it is going to be a great day!  Garbage is already out for tomorrow morning.  It is laundry day, but I really don't mind.  I have always gotten some kind of warped sense of accomplishment when that last load comes out of the dryer.  Face it, clean clothes smell SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO good (I would kill to hang outside, but my allergies prevent that!).  The hard part is keeping the OWA out of the laundry baskets . . . The OWA being the "Orange-and-White Army" - my four orange and white cats!  All boys, all CONSTANTLY having to be into something!

I am going to finalize my gift registries for the Wedding Shower - the HARDEST thing I have done with my wedding planning because at 38 and owning your own home, you kind of have everything already! I am going to make a schedule for the Fiancee' for payments due (we are paying for this shindig ourselves). 

I am really going to try to get out and take a walk, too! 

I am SOOOOO happy that I am feeling almost back to normal!  Now, the real battle can begin - losing the weight without anything but my willpower!  It is a battle I am SERIOUSLY looking forward to!


OK, I couldn't fight the scale urge!

The 4 lbs. that I was not counting because of the incident on Thursday/Friday are back!  That means my fluid are replaced and everything is functioning normally again!  Thank you doctors at Jefferson Emergency Room!!!!

I know it is wrong to be so happy for this, but I PUT ON 6/10ths of a pound over top of that!  The unhealthy downward spiral is over with! 

OK, so it might have been the Chuckles last night, the two Whole Grain waffles, two cups of black coffee and the 32 oz. of water I have already drank this morning, but at this point, I am just elated that there was no drop!

*BIG sigh of relief*!

Let the real fight begin!  Ding Ding (done in the Apollo Creed in Rocky 3 style)!  Cue Eye Of The Tiger !!!!!

The Bridal Party . . .

On the COMPLETELY OPPOSITE END OF THE SPECTRUM, I had to crawl out of bed bright and early this morning, and for ANY OTHER REASON, it would not have happened, but my Bridesmaids' dresses were in!

We went to the bridal store at 10:00 this morning.  I took my gown with us because this was going to be the first time we got to see the colors together.  My gown is champagne silk with and ivory lace overlay and crystals sewn all through the lace to make it "twinkle"; the girls' dress is called "Sienna" - a "rosey, brownish, terracotta, reddish-clay" color!  I know, mouthful.

Because none of us were rocking any other hot other than "hot mess" this morning (me especially because of the dark circles under my eyes) I have "black blobbed" our heads.  OK, so it looks a little funny, but here is our gowns:

I think you can tell by this picture WHY I loved this dress so much - because it makes me look WAAAAAYYYYY lighter weight-wise than I really am.  If you don't believe me - my two girls are size 12!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  This is WITHOUT ANY ALTERATIONS - it was an $1800 gown that was forfeited.  I paid $99 for it the day after Thanksgiving!!!!!!  It was meant to be mine - it fit PERFECTLY. 

HOWEVER, I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY want alterations and I am holding off until August HOPING that they will have to take it in!!!! 

I really needed to put on the gown this morning!  It made me feel good.

Better Today Than Yesterday . . .

Well, it has been a MUCH better day than Thursday/FRIDAY was! 

The Phen caused one issue I hadn't mentioned on here - SIX days constipation (and I was STILL down weight)!  I needed to relieve that little issue, so, for the FIRST time in my life, I took ONE single dose of extra strength laxative (I was not paying attention to the "extra strength" part. 


Ten hours later, at 1:00 in the morning . . .I have NEVER felt cramps like that!  I was rolled into a ball.  I should say that I was rolled into a ball between the MULTIPLE times running to the bathroom!  I got ZERO sleep, and STILL drove into work (praying the entire time that I would make it there!)

My boss yelled at me to go home . . .Mother Nature decided to strike a week early (which I attribute to the mass change in my system in one week) with my little monthly friend, which DOUBLED the cramping!

Seriously, when I got back home (how I drove 15 miles back from work is a mystery to me!), I started shivering and was back in the ball again, this time on the bathroom floor!  I HONESTLY thought I was going to die.

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO - what have we learned about taking an appetite suppressant", even if prescribed by a doctor?

1.  You NEVER NEED a medication to help you stop eating, because you will LITERALLY stop eating and cause yourself a whole bunch of problems!  Yes, you may lose weight, but at what cost to your body, mind and health?

2.  WILLPOWER is the ONLY medication that you need to lose weight, unless there is a medical issue with your body.

3.  Medication has side effects and even when you have stopped taking said medication, it can still be causing your body nasty issues! 

4.  The pain of SIX days of constipation, cramps from HELL, dehydration from diarrhea, that damned $75 co-pay at the emergency room and IV's for fluids REALLY isn't worth it! 

5.  "Gentle, Effective Relief" IS NOT TRUTH IN LAXATIVE ADVERTISING!  (I needed a little comic relief there!)

Seriously, it am still shocked what ONE LITTLE PILL could do to one person in seven days!  Should I have kept taking it, even for 30 days like I had intended, I am not sure I would not have ended up hospitalized . . . or worse. 

Please, if you are thinking about taking Phentermine, talk to your doctor and make sure that all of the issues that could arise are addressed!  I did so, but after I had already started taking the pills!  While it may not have drastic effects on others as it did on me (10 lbs. in 6 days, by barely eating), there is always the possibility it could be worse than this for someone else!  Side Effects, such as constipation, may seem minor to a lot of people, but your body may not be able to handle a laxative to correct that problem, like mine apparently is not able to do! 

The Phentermine got a wicked ball rolling downhill and I wish I could go back a week and a half and NEVER take the first pill!  10 lbs. was not worth the light-headedness, not eating, the constipation and the issues listed above!

I was home at 8:00 last night and managed to eat.  The IV fluids definitely helped and the cramping had subsided by midnight. 

I AM NOT COUNTING THE FOUR ADDITIONAL LBS. LOST from this incident (Yes, 4 lbs!!!!).  I am hoping that they actually will go back on from actually eating!  I did eat breakfast, morning snack and lunch today - all very sensible!  

 While physically, it will still take a few more days to be back to 100% (and back to my NATURAL, FOOD CONTROL DIET), mentally, having my wedding gown on made me remember, EVEN IF NOTHING ELSE I HAVE LISTED ABOVE DIDN'T, why I want to lose weight and lose is in a healthy-way . . .

I want to be spend many, many, many years ENJOYING my life with my soon-to-be husband.  I want to be able to go on trips to all the Civil War sites we so love and not get tired from walking.  I don't want to ride the sofa, watching television, when we could be out riding our motorcycles together (oh yeah, did I mention I have a Yamaha 650 Custom?  It is red with black flames and LOTS of chrome!)  I want get old, gray and "shrivelly" with him.


My Enemy . . . My Scale . . .

So here it is, first day off of the Phen.  I was able to eat 1152 calories today, which is a great improvement over last week/end.  I am quite proud of that accomplishment after 6 days of hell!

I am fighting the urge to get on the scale right now, mainly because I am afraid that the number will have gone lower (awful thing to say, but the truth!).  I probably will before I go to bed anyway, but I am promising myself that I will not get mad if it did drop a bit.  I have to remember that I have to give my body a few days to get the medication out of my system.

My boss, who I have not seen since last Thursday, came in this morning, walked past my office . . .STOPPED DEAD, turned around and walked in.

"Um, what did you do to yourself over the weekend?  Have liposuction in your chin?"  

So, I explained to her what happened.  She smiled and said "Well then, I will just have to check on you several times a day to make sure that you are eating . . . and not just a rice cake here or there!"  (I hate to tell her, I gave up the Styrofoam Patties of Blah years ago!).

Another one of my bosses (Clarification - I work for the Dept. of Aging for the Third In charge of the entire Dept. and her EIGHT Supervisors . . .ALL WOMEN!  I have earned my wings for sure!) came in later in the afternoon and brought me a cookie from a staff meeting in another building.   I am QUITE PROUD that I did not eat it (Baked Good are my #! enemy) and stuck to that serving of Honey Wheat Pretzel Stix piled neatly on my desk.  She, too, made a comment that my face seemed A LOT thinner, even since last Friday and that I can't be doing this to myself!

It is nice to know that people will be paying attention that I don't lose the poundage too quickly.  After explaining to both of the above what happened, I know they will watch me like a hawk to make sure that I am eating. 

Well, off to scoop the THREE litter boxes (I have 4 orange and white cats - all rescues), make my lunch for tomorrow, do the dishes and head off to la la land . . .hopefully staying away from the spare room with the scale for another day!

Oh, and I am sorry, but seriously, scooping three VERY LARGE litter boxes has got to count as SOME type of exercise!  Bend, scoop, lift, toss . . . repeat 50 times!!!!!

What The Doctor Said . . .

Being off today (government employment has some benefits - Primary Election Day off being one of them!), I decided to sleep in today.  The cats only allowed until 8:30.  I got up, fed the kitties, stripped down and stepped on the scale.

I called the doctor after stepping on and off the scale FOUR times because I wasn't believing that I was seeing the above.  (NO MAKING FUN OF MY SOCKS PLEASE!!!!!!!)

That is over 10 lbs. in less than a week, even after increasing my calories yesterday!  I have NEVER lost weight that quickly in my life!  Especially now, I am 38 years old!  Isn't it supposed to be harder the older you get?

I told her about the light-head and dizziness last weekend and she said exactly what Ladies here have said "You are not eating enough!"

She has given me until Friday to up my calories to a consistent 1100 or more a day (she'd prefer 1200-1500) and told me to stop taking the pills if I cannot eat that much.  She did scold me for going to such an extreme.

I started to tear up and I think she heard it in my voice on the telephone. 

"You control your mind Cyndie - not a pill or anyone else, even me, can do that.  You are a strong woman and once you decide you are going to do something, you do it full force, 150%, even if it is only to prove others wrong.  Please trust me on this one.  You have to moderate and use the common sense that I know you have.  I am happy the 10 pounds are gone, but you need to use the sense of your body that I know you have to know what it needs.  Do I have to remind you that you lost 72 lbs. a few years ago and you did that without medication?  You are angry with yourself because you put the weight back on and you are punishing yourself, going to an extreme and have convinced your own mind that you will lose this weight no matter what the cost and that the medication is solely responsible for that.  The medication does not have as much power as you have given it.  If you think it does, please stop taking it right now.  A good indication is you saying 'I know I have to eat, but it is like my mind is telling me I can't'.  You are telling your mind you can't eat and that it is solely the medication doing that. I think more of it is that you are hellbent on losing this weight this time and keeping it off." 

She's right.  I don't think that I have EVER wanted to lose the weight and keep it off as badly as I do right now.

My doctor and I have a very dynamic relationship. I trust her and she knows me better than anyone outside of my immediate family.  She understands my fierce drive better than even the family does.

In 2003, I had uterine and cervical cancer (one of the wonderful things the women in my family have passed down generation after generation).  After the operation, I fought the Oncologist on chemotherapy and radiation.  I decided AMA that I didn't want it and no matter what, I would not subject my body to that torture.  My doctor came to see me in the hospital the day after my operation and asked me why I was fighting him so much.  I told her "The mind is the best medication there is.  I trust that they got all of the cancer out of me.  Please convince them to trust me that I will heal my body myself, without all that crap that will make me feel like sh*t for months, make my hair fall out and more than likely, do my body more harm than good.  I WILL beat this, my way, on my own terms."

She respected my decision, re-enforced it and defended it to the Oncologist, convincing him that for me, the treatments would do more harm that good.  Eight years and counting later, the cancer has never came back.

I NEED to listen to her now . . . and I will.

Broke 1000 !!!!

Woo Hoo!!!!  I broke 1000 calories today (thanks to the evening snack)!  1066 total for the day!!!!  I broke the 3 day 900 calorie issue!  I didn't get light-headed all day and felt way better.  My goal tomorrow is to get over 1100.

I tried to explain to a co-worker how bad it is that you know what is causing the problem, you know you HAVE to eat to lose weight smartly, but yet, you CANNOT eat the food.  It is horrible to me to think that less than a week ago I was worried about all of the food I was eating and desperate to lose weight and now, I have to fight the medication making me not want to eat.

One extreme to the other.  Not good!

I promise, if I get light-headed again, I am calling the doctor and telling her the Phen is gone.

I just hope no one takes this as "whining".  If you read my previous blog from last weekend, you will understand why I am happy to get in 1000+ calories!  I WILL lose the weight, but not at the expense of my health!

DINNER RECIPE - Lemon Garlic Skinless Chicken with Roasted Potatoes, Salad & Fat Free Sweet & Sour Dressing

Nutrition Information (Total Meal):

Calories - 346   (Chicken 136; Potato 110; Salad 15; Dressing 45; Spread 40)
Carbs - 41g       (Chicken 0; Potato 26; Salad 3; Dressing 12; Spread 0)
Protein - 25g     (Chicken 21; Potato 3; Salad 1; Dressing 0; Spread 0)
Fat - 10.5 g       (Chicken 5.5; Potato 0; Salad 0; Dressing 0; Spread 5)
(all other categories are "0")

Recipe and above information is for 1 serving.

4 oz. Chicken Leg Quarter with skin removed (thawed)
2 Tbs. Commercial Lemon Garlic Marinade (I used Jacomina's Select)
1/4 cup water

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  If skin not removed from chicken, remove all skin.  Place chicken into a casserole dish without a rack.  Make 3 to 4 deep cuts into the chicken.  Pour 1 Tbs. of marinade into the cuts equally; pour 1 Tbs. of marinade over chicken.  Pour 1/4 cup water into the casserole dish (not on the chicken).  Cover with foil.

1 medium potato
1 Tsp. Paprika
1 Tsp. Garlic Powder
1 Tsp. Minced Dried Onion
1 Tbs. Fleischmann's Light Spread

Wash potato, quarter and cut potato into small bite-sized pieces.  Place onto piece of foil, sprinkle with seasonings and 1 Tbs. of Light Spread.  Wrap.

Bake both at 350 degrees for 1 1/2 hours.   Chicken is EXTREMELY moist & juicy!

2 cups Bagged American blend salad (Lettuce, shredded carrot & shredded radish)
2 Tbs. Fat Free Sweet & Sour Salad Dressing (I used Marzetti's)