The Mirror Lies

The mirror of denial...

The mirror has always lied, when I was my heaviest, the mirror didn't tell me so.  And now that I have lost, the mirror still sees me the way I was.

Okay, truthfully, it's me that is the problem, not the mirror.  I see what I want to see.  It's not everyday that I see this person.  I wonder if I will always see myself at my heaviest.

Down 2

I'm down another 2 pounds this week.  I didn't sleep well again.  I woke up at 3am and could not fall back asleep.  I have the wandering mind, when I start thinking about  things I can't sleep.  Maybe after the wedding things can get back to normal.

I had a meeting with some of my staff yesterday and some of them haven't seen me in a couple of months and they commented on it.

Hope everyone is doing great!  Rah Rah, Go Go !

Out of town

I'm on a business trip till Wednesday, I hate sleeping in hotels, it's just not home.  I miss my little guy, he has croup and I hate not being with him.

I found a bridal shop here last night so I decided to go try this one on that I have been looking at online.  I loved it but have decided to go with the other one based on price.  David's Bridal certainly does vanity sizing.  They started with an 18 and it was too big and they got a 16 and it was still a little big around the breasts.  Yeah!  I'm barely squeezing into my old 18's.  Crazy sizing. 

There is no scale at the hotel so I can't do my daily obsession of weighing in.  I had a cheddar biscuit at Red Lobster last night, shame on me.  I had the grilled shrimp, it was so yummy. 

Can't wait to go home tomorrow afternoon.

What a great day!

The scales say 196.5 this morning!  I saw my aunts yesterday and they said that my mom would be so proud of me.  She was really concerned about my health.  My cousin, who is a guy actually noticed when I walked in the house and he said "You've lost a lot of weight".  The positive feedback really keeps the motivation going strong. 

I really haven't noticed a change in my energy level yet.  I really want to see that.  By 5:00pm I am usually dragging.  I guess in someways it is to be expected since I'm up every am at 4:40.  I would love to have more energy with  the children.

No place that far

I had a long drive yesterday and generally my longer drives are quite thought provoking.

When I went to my yearly "female" exam, I stepped on the scales and 244 appeared.  I quickly went on a diet and lost 17 pounds and then Father's Day weekend came and we went away for the weekend and I ate everything in sight and pretty much gave up on the diet.  I thought there was no way that I could lose all the weight I wanted so why even try.

Then we decided to get married, a week opened up between Frank's training.  It was either do it now or wait another year.  We decided to go ahead and plan it for that week.  So here I am weighing 46 pounds lighter than that dreadful day.  I never thought I would be able to do it.  I've almost lost 50 pounds.  Losing another 50 doesn't seem so impossible now.

My thoughts yesterday was, There's no place that far.  We can always get where we want to, the only limitation we have is ourself.

Finally able to sleep

I got a good night of rest last night, finally.  The weather change has really kicked my allergies into high gear.

I  can really start to see the changes in my body when I look in the mirror.  I want to lose another 15 pounds by the wedding.  That may be asking too much, but I'm going to give it a good run.

199.5

I saw it  on the scale this morning.  It was a beautiful moment.  I wore a pair of pants yesterday that I had not worn in 5-6 years, it was a beautiful moment. 

I did not sleep well once again.  The little guy was up and down most of the night.  He kept waking up and fussing, so it woke me up as well.  Amazingly, his dad never hears a thing.  I wish I could sleep that soundly.

Can't sleep again

Here I am once again, up way before I should be because I can't sleep.  Perhaps I will get tired again and can go back to sleep here in a little bit.  I can actually sleep in, The boys went to Grandma's and Anna spent the night with a friend, so I have no one to wake up for and I was so excited.  But here I am at 3:30 am and very much awake.  My allergies are not so great at the moment maybe that is why I can't sleep.

A Gaggle of Girls

I survived the party and the sleepover.  I had no cake, but I did have a slice of pizza.  Today is a new day. 

But yesterday, yesterday was a bad day.  My fuel pump went out of my car about 30 miles from where I was going.  Luckily it gave me a little warning and there was an exit ramp very close and a gas station.  I had it towed to a garage and they weren't sure if they could get the part, blah blah.  The only thing going through my mind was that I may miss Anna's party because my fiance doesn't get out of training until 4:30pm and they are not allowed to bring their cell phones in.  But alas, the day is saved.  I was all fixed up and made it back in plenty of time, albeit $578 poorer, but fixed.

The party went great at Build-A-Bear and the three that slept over were really good.  It was no trouble other than the mess to clean up.

To be cliche, I want my children to have all the things I didn't have.  I never got to have a birthday party that wasn't at my house.  I never got to go to Chuck E Cheese's or Disneyworld or any of those places.  So I take my children.  And don't get me wrong, loving your children is all they ever need but special memories don't hurt. 

I think back to when I was 10.  I was so much more worldly.  How many times my brothers and I would climb out the window to call the police because of the domestic violence going on, and then there was the alcoholism.  It always started out as a good time and then as the night wore on, it almost always ended in an argument.  It was not a happy place.  They finally got divorced when I was 12.  No child should have to grow up like that and I will make sure that my children never see that stuff at home.

So I guess the point to this post is that I sometimes go a bit overboard but my heart is in the right place.

I got 2 compliments last night.  One of the mother's who I haven't seen in a while walked in and said, "you look great".  And then as we were leaving the mall we ran into my soon to be brother and sister-in-law and she said you are losing weight! You look skinny. Ha, I said I wouldn't go as far as to say I looked skinny.  But she said I looked great.  Getting so much positive feedback is such a boost.   I know I've only lost 30 pounds but I'm starting to get my confidence back.  I hate feeling like I'm not as good as everyone else is because of my weight. 

I'm all over the place with this one.  My jeans are falling off of me.  It's a great day!

Gosh Darn It

Well I'm at 201 this morning.  I really wanted to see 200!  Surely by next week I can get there.

Yesterday wasn't too bad, I was really busy at work and it kept my mind off of what day it was, so that was good.

Today is Anna's big 10th birthday.  Time sure does fly.  It's hard to imagine that in another 9 years she'll be off to college (I hope).

I ended up frosting all those cupcakes and I didn't even lick my fingers.  I did good.