08/09/2009 08:13
Summer,sweets,sweat,soda,suprise
Today , I am very happy to report that I am still on track and the summer is going well,OK not great but the one thing I have been able to control is my food intake or lack of it..
So many things have helped me threw this HUGE life change ,Every day I seem to find a new way to live better,,
I use to live in this world of I am fine and who cares if I am over weight, If they can't love me for who I am then f---k them.... Well not the whole truth. It was the truth I wanted to live' My shrink told me that' Right I for got I have not been on in a while ,Yes things with my weight were/are going just fine ,but I knew it was time to deal with the real issue of the weight .. Boy I needed a Soda that day..
My doc says that he loves that I am open minded and dont mind hearing the truth b and telling the truth. When it comes to applying it to my life not so great.. I now live and say I am fine I look great, nothing could be better..... NOT TRUE again. I live with the deep pain of the traumas that I have suffered' I can't even say them here' Guess I still need treatment...Also my doc wants to know why I want to lose more weight . I have sat around and thought about that question all day today.
I think the answer is that food use to control me and my feeling now it's the power I have to not eat much.My family has become worried about my weight,, No I am not having an eating disorder 'welll I hope not' My doc asked me to eat a cupcake this weekend and to page him after I had done so.. Well lets say the cupcake is still in the store..
I think that was a test to see if I can let go of my control over how I should eat.. He may very well be right but in another way I think it was like asking a drug addict to do drugs.. So what I am going to do and have done is let up on the strick plan I have been on..
I look at all of you and I see my heros and I wonder if any of you are like me and have gone from one side of the track to the other side..
I think that in some of my blogs I may have been harsh but GUYS I don't give out what I can't take . So no I have not gained weight but rather lost about another 20 lbs.. since my last vist here WOW....
I am here to say to all of you that we are all addicts of food and I am sure other things 'mine is my control over food' Please don't give up one addiction for the other. I am going to really work on this.... I hope nobody here minds me venting and sharing,,I never was good at the small talk I kind of just get to the point..
So please if you have moved from one addiction to another please share with me.
I hope everyone is well and having a great weekend
I put up new pics they are from May to the present..
If anyone has time to talk I would love to chat... I am still very proud of the work and results that I have gotten from my life change now its time to deal with the real pain and that scares the hell out of me.. I will keep you guys posted and hope you guys say hello to me as well
Thanks PS my spelling has not gotten any better sorry...