04/16/2009 03:03
Where the hell did the 200lbs go? Thanks Jen I know you helped me all the way and then some...
Hi everyone,
OK yes I am back with another post and let me say sorry up front for the miss spelled words and typing mistakes. They should have put spell check on here. They might and i just don't see it...... LOL
So my friends who read my posts I have lost over 200lbs and I am down to my last 30lbs well really 29 but who is counting? SHIT I am ..... My journey has been a hard and great one at the same time. I want to say that I have always tried to help the people that have reached out to me on here and gave them all my information,tips,advice but the one thing I never gave you guys was my BIG SECERT what really got my going and keep me on track that is my big SIS JEN who lost her life to cancer at 41 and I have put up the 2 pics that I have carried everyday with me during my life change.
She would say Deb why do they want to see a picture of a women who is only 45 mins from leaving this earth.. I would say because those pictures of a strong beauitful women help her little sister find life again and showed me that I had no right to complain about this and that little shit in life when Great people like you have no choice but to die a terrible death.. That being Fat is a choice and I choose not to be FAT/OVER WEIGHT/ CHUBBY/BBW/FEW EXTRA POUNDS what ever the hell you want to call it this week to make oursleves feel better.
Then she say Deb that's a little hard and then I say Jen Shut the Fuck up you know if you were here you would be saying the same damn thing. Then she say Ok maybe but I would not write it in a blog.. Well that part is true she would not have done this but I have always said what is on my mind and never really cared what people thought except for Jen and she is gone now so if I am speaking a little hard please do not read on anymore..... I am not writting about any one person but rather a GROUP we all belong to and to tell you the truth I can't wait till my membership ends.... I know what some of you are saying she will be back we all are and you know what you might just be right but I am trying and as long as I try then I will win this war I have with food and eating.... OUR adiction all of us have it... So far I am still in recovery and I am feeling great I mean fucking great.' Thanks to alot of you guys'.
Someone on here wrote me just the other day to ask when I was going to post again I wrote back very soon. It was already on my mind after my last check up with my CRAZY DOC on Friday.... That's a nother post in it's self but lets say he is still watching this site and reading post and he says Deb you are looking great and I have to say you really did stick in there but then he said if he had to put money on a group of women to lose weight and spoke to each of them 1st he said Deb I would have still picked you.. I said why trying to make myself feel even better then I already do. He said I never throw money away and if my money was going to the trash at lease I will pick the chic with the most lip and who says whats on her mind.. Then I was thinking is he saying he didn't think anyone would have lost this amount so I ask him and he said see Deb you asking me that nobody eles would have and if I am going to lose money I want a good laugh... I said Doc tha't not funny and he said Deb you are right it is not funny at all and the fact you know it now tells me that I think you have a good chance of keeping your weight under control not a great chance but a good chance....' I really did like this Doc at one point in time not sure anymore!!! that's not true I am sure with out him I would be dead today and for his blunt honest talk I thank him very much. He siad Deb I want you to be so very proud of what you have done and you take all credit because you did all the work but remember it is that thing that you are going to live with you every day and as soon as you start to say OK now I can have of this or that then thats when the troulble all starts and then the next thing you know you can't see your feet anymore or fit in a booth.... I said I know and I know I dont need a peice of cheese cake but boy I would love a picece right now but I know that is a want and not a need and it will pass soon enough.
So Now the reason I am writting is I want to know where the HELL is that 200lbs? Really do you ever wonder where that weight goes? My doc said you sweated it off and you went to the bathroom to let it out. Thank god for in dorr plumbking LOL. But really when I started this I said when I reach my goal then I am sure I will have ot have surgey for the extra weight that I was sure was goin got hang... So as of right now yes I do have some not much on mt stomach and arms more on my thighs but not terrible at all really. My doc said thank god for good genes and working out and I never gave birth before..So I did go to a plastic Doc who I had never meet and I was in clothes and I walked in his office told him my big Irish story of my life .. He was great he was like no way in helll he really said hell... Then he asked if I mind if he takes a look I was thinking NO that's why I am here just for that reason. So he and the nurse take a look write a few notes take some measure mintues and then he says please get dressed and meet me in my office. Also he took pics So I said Ok and while I was dresssing All I could think of how is he going to talk me into more work then I needed. Shit that was going to to happen when it come to me and money well lets say I keep my friends close but my money even closer..
So I am dressed and go back ot his office to hear the bad news.. He says Debbie it was nice meeting you but at this point there really id nothing I can do for you to help you.Nothing I can offer you can help you .... SHIT I was saying to myself Ok something is really wrong because insurance does not cover this and you have to be paid in full on the day of your surgey so what was wrong was it so bad that it couldn't be fix I didn't think i really look bad after all the weight and I am almost 40.... So I said is there a problem or something and then he leans in says no dear not at but to be honest I think oyu are one of the most beautiful women I have ever had in my office and the nurse just said the same thing... OK r these 2 on some kind of drug or something to think I was one of the most women he has ever seen. I said you are funny no really why can't you help me hten he said yes I can you need to buy yourself a pair of spanks and a much smaller bra and then you will see a 15lbs difference in just mins. OK what wrong with this picture I am here so I don't have to wear them I never did try them upto this point.. I said why he said because the small amout of fatty skin you have left is not enough for me to just open oyu up, I said teenage r getting things done he said not in my office then he turned around grabbed a book and opened it and he knew almost every person in the book by name and what he did to help them and it was great work the work i wanted very much so.
So after a few mins he said you see Deb with a face like your there really is no better model and your skin is like a 20 year ols you have thicker hair then a teenager and your eyes could not be more perfect if they were the ocean. OK i won't lie I think I have a pretty face bt the rest of me get the hellout of here.
I said I am not in here for my face and he said or your body you have a great body for a women who was over 400lbs and you are almost 40 you look very early 30 if that but nobody is perfect and so you have a little tummy and you you sag a little in the leggs but were you really going to wear a string bikkini again he said he thought thsose were 20 years old if for anyone at all. He said these are your battle scares be proud of what you have done and just keep going but he then said if in 18months you still feel the same way and you have keeped off the weight then we will revist the idea but all you need is a 20 dollar pair of spanks and thank god that your mom told you how bad the sun is for you then all he keep saying was you look like a porclin doll I mean it it is unreal . your before pics and after pics not even the same person I dont see any of her in you and my god how did my 5 chins just go right back in place like that.. How the hell do I know I was working on the not eating and working out and drinking water and walking and telling myself that i am a good person and i deserve to be happy ..
When I left his office I said this guy must live in his truck he must lose alot of business if he tells alll the women the same thing he told me... I went home but 1st stoped and got the spanks and a few new bras and when I got home I put them on and those size 12 jeans went right on. I look in the mirrror and and I was saying WOW is that me really me and then I said I wonder if I look like Jen she was and is the most beautiful women I hae ever seen and if I look half that good then I will be just fine...People tell me we look alike now if jen had not dyed her hair. So I saved alot of money and he is right what I have left from my journey I want to kep as a reminder of what I went through now guys thats just me I was already to make a new me and fix me up..... But I hate the spanks they are to tight and I hate anything that hugs that tight so they are in my closet and I am in my 12 jeans with out them so I say that is a nother great mile stone on my journey to be ready2bme..............
Shit I still want to know where the 200lbs is... What I really want ot say and I could have and should have said at the start of this is that my sister Jen lived in terrible pain everyday for 18months only to know that she was not going ot make it there was no hope none at all and she still fought everyday until she no longer could so with that said what right do I have to complain about anytrhing to do with my weight I did it to myself and I knew I could fix it with Jen looking down on me I had it made from the start Well I like ot think that just as much as I think she sent me some of her looks as a gift to say say DEb great job now go find a damn husband and get married and be happy ...
So where am I headed in the next step of this great journey I am on and it is a great one with a few bumps in the road but those made me stronger I am going to contuine to lose my 30lbs and get my BMI down to around 25 I hope its 28 now but hey it was 65 in June I reallt have not right to complain and lie about what I canand cant do to get better... It is a work in brogress and I hope never to see the end result because we all be better then we are so I hope this journey last the rest of my life and I only go forward and not bacwards but if I do get turned around I have learned some great tricks to turn right back around if I have to use them I will.. PS I have Jen and I feel her arms around me more every day and I love when she holds me.... I want to stay on this site and read and all the great work you guys are doing and the not so good stuff as well because it will remind me nothing in life is perfect and we all need support and what a great group of you guys here on EP.. I wish we could all do a meet and greet.. If someone says a fair where there is funnel cake I will have to speak up and say no to that one.. It would be fun guys for us the EP team meet and see each other...
So until I write again and I hope it is to say that I am still losing and doing well but if I write that I have slipped and put on weight PLEASE don't say it will be fine or it's ok say DEB get your ass back in gear and do the things you know you need to do..... That to me is being a friend someone who will tell you the truth even if it hurts.....
So just an update on my neighbors that I was a little worried about. I thought they thought I was a hooker turned out they thought I was dying. I was a little off on that one but ever since we spend alot of time together really its nice.. She make the best homemade UN sweeted tea and I bring over a plate offreah fruit and we all sit around and talk... Then her husband always leave at the same time every time 4.40pm.... Do you know what I think I think he has a GF but I have been wrong before so I will update if I find anything more out on that... I use to love to watch my soaps every day and say you know I like to have some fun like that well guys my life is a soap and if I had to give it a name it would be .... The Journey keeps going!!!!
Have a great day guys and please take a look at my beautiful sister Jenny and my nephew Jesse who head was smashed in with the claw end of a hammer... You see if you have not read my post you dont know about him but to long to get into now. He is trying hard to get better but things are not great but we have him and we will look over him because he is Jen son so I know he is a good egg.. My albums are also of my change and the cothes the gym just a little look into my journey to 2 a better me.
Thanks,'
Deb