OMG it's Bathing suit time again

Getting fit summer.

My Profile

  • Name: ready2bme
  • City: Silver Spring
  • Region: Maryland
  • Country: United States

My Weight Loss

Height: 165.1cm
Start weight: 396.00lb
Current weight: 129.00lb
Goal weight: 155.00lb
Lost to date: 267.00lb
Remaining: -26.00lb

My Calendar

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My Photos

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Really Simple Syndication
04/29/2010 18:43

bathingsiut time again, excusess, heros.......

OK, So I was looking at some of my pictures from my weight loss journey and I saw my profile pic and thought I would put it up for everyone to see..
 
It is so hard to believe that bathing suit time is just around the corner. With that said I thought I write a post asking how many of you guys are willing to put those pics up as your profile pic.. ' I know everyone has them' let  us all see?
 
I put mine up............Boy that suit was not doing anything for me.
 
 
All kidding aside are you really happy with your weight loss that you have? Or are you one of the following people.
 
1. I am doing better then I was?
 
2. I now fit at the table?
 
3. I have kids people don't understand.
 
4, I have a very sick ' fill in' so I try.
 
5. I am not going to lose 7lbs a week because I heard that was not safe.
 
6. I have alot of health problems so my weight has to do with that.
 
7. My husband loves me just like I am
 
 
If you are really happy with your weight loss progress then you are my hero. Anyone that can really do the work that it takes to be the BEST YOU POSSIBLE  has to be a person to look upto.
 
Now if you are one of the people that I listed above then I am here to tell you that there is NO NO NO reason GOOD enough to give that would make it OK for you put off taking care of yourself and puting your self 1st...............
 
No one in the world is more important then yourself.. Are you not worth looking and feeling your best?
 
So if your not doing as good as you can.Then strat now I mean really start.. I am not going to say that it is NEVER to late to start  because for some of us it will be to late.
 
I was one of those people that If I didnt get my  ASS moving I would have been dead.
 
You have to put in the work to see the reults.. We are only as good as we make ourselves. No pain No gain................ All of these saying are very true.
 
 
 
I use to be a number 1 on the list. ' my sister use to say what is better then before?you now only have 2nds instead of 3rd,You fit back in the clothes at BBW stores? You now know your FAT?.............. Then she  say DEB I love you with all my heart and I want you to LIVE not just Exist...
 
 
So I end this post by saying that I would LOVE to have a few more HEROS to look up to.
 
PUT THOSE PICTURES UP TO EITHER SHOW OFF ALL THE  HARD WORK THAT YOU HAVE DONE. OR LET IT BE A REMINDER THAT YOU ARE WORTH MORE THEN YOU THINK.
 
 
 
 
 
 

Posted By: ready2bme Add Comment | Comments (4) Top
04/21/2010 09:05

Time, Pain, Cancer , Plastic Surgery, Weight gain, Weight loss

It's been for ever since I posted. Where do I start. Well I was told in Oct I had thyroid cancer. I was very depressed and I started to eat.. NOW I never went to junk food but my throat was so swallow with 2 large Masses on both sides. I mean nothing could get down my throat. So I had to eat milk shakes and sherbet,,,
 
Then I had to have my whole thyroid removed and told I would have to takes meds every day for the rest of my life. Also that I might get weight problems.. I SAID WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SAYING? OK so I can do the med thing and have mood swings hell I will be 40 in a few weeks.
 
It s very weird all i could was think about the weight gain ' thyroid 30' that what most all people gain I said no not me I am doing so well and I am a fighter.. My doctors were more worried about my mind regarding the weigh that they wondered if I understood that I had CANCER.   Not sure why they were worried about that. I didn't give my self cancer so i didn't feel guilty about that. I had to just let the Docs take over..
 
So  after my surgery I was told it had spread to my neck so i would have to do RADIOACTIVE TREATMENT. I had to stay in the hospital for 5 days with out any human contact..
 
So as sson as I got out. Well 2 weeks later I went back for my follow up scan and guess what I know have it in my head.  Yes I am more then depressed. Every one I know say eat what you want you have cancer . What the Hell does that mean? is it like OK your on a vacation from life?
 
I said to the 3 doctors when can  I start to work out again. my blood work has not been great. White cell count has been down, Also I have been weak and I am very horse. I also gained 38lbs..
 
So on March 16tth one day from Saint Patty Days my doc said I don't like the idea of you working out but he also said that my mind being set on losing the weight seemed to worry him more. So he said I give you the green light to work out as long as I take it easy LMAO no Irish person takes it easy.
 
So the very next day I woke up and I was so tired like a truck hit me I could not move. Then I sat on my bed at 5 am  and I took in the picture on my sister dying a painful death. Drowning in her own fluids. She could not walk 4 steps with out help from us.. She was a fighter she just lost the fight.
 
So I said i can do this even if I just drive to the gym and sit in locker room. At lease I would have done what I said I was going to do. GO TO THE GYM..
 
I got here and so many people were happy to see me and I could see they knew I had gained weight. they also knew that I had cancer. they all lied and said you look great.. I usually hate when people lie to me about my weight.
 
I have been to the gym 27 times in one month and as of  APRIL 17th I lost 27 lbs.. I could not believe it.  I have worked my ASS off and I went to my Doc today and he said I can not believe it. YOU did what you said you were going to do.
 
He said I want to draw blood and see how you are. Well on the visit before my closteral was 165 and on this day it was a total of 116. He said he would not have believed it unless he saw it.
 
The reason I am writ ting this blog is for a few reasons. One I needed to get it off my chest. another one was I have been reading post on here for the last day and people are saying I am just to tired to get up, I only had a couple cookies, im not sure why I am not losing I only eat a few times a week..
 
People please I know that some have health issue but a Cookie and a diet soda are not going to help that fact at all. So get your ass out of bed and workout..Your body will only be as good as you make it.
 
I wrote in one of my blogs that I hoped that I would not gain weight. I did gain 37lbs, I also said I would write that to be as honest as possible. No i did not go off my life style my life has taken me to a new kind of life were  I will have to be even more cautious about my food and what I eat.
 
Every day I feel like a truck has hit me and I cant keep my head up. I also cant sleep. I guess that's why I am writing at 3am I have ot be in the gym at 5am.
 
 
So after I went to my cancer I went to see a plastic surgeon and he looked me all over and I do mean all over. Then he asked me to get dressed and said please come back to dis suss what  he thought,
 
he started off saying that you have the most beautiful fave that I may have ever seen, You need no work there. You chin and neck look great so do my arms.
 
 Then he says for a person that has loss the amount of weight i have he was expecting things to be much worse. He said i could use a body lift. a med one, my tummy could have a tuck and my ass. I said how much for all of it, he said 56 thousand dollars and it would be 3 surgery.. He also said the trade would be alot of scars up and down my body..
 
I said I was going to think on it. I did and I called this trainer I have seen at the gym and she is tough but I have seen her clients and they look great. She said I cant fix all that but I can you much more tone. I also said I am going to try a spray tan. Ican get in the sun due to my scar. Maybe this 500 dollar treatment will work.
 
Well I like to say that I am great but that is not the case but I know people that are much worse off then me . So when I think I cant run or walk or do a class then I think of them and it gets me out the door.
 
I like to leave tips here when I have them..... I have thought of these walking in the ttead mill.
 
1. check all your emails in the treadmill during your warm up.. U can knock 2 things out at once.
 
2. take your kids to gym yes at 5am so its one hour earlier. You get to work out and shower in peace and it cost you 2 dollars to know that they were starting there day off having fun
 
3. I dont run or walk to the time clock it takes to long. i do it to songs on my ipod. I started with one song for running then I got higher and higher I am also most at whole album.
 
 
4. watching people at the gym can give you good work out ideas.
 
5. You will feel wonderful.......
 
6. sit in the sunua with all our clothes and sweat. I stay in 12 mins and  iam so hot. It feels like I lost 5 lbs every time.
 
 
So these are some of my tips and I will end this update with  saying that I love.
 
 
Your goals,minus your doubts,equal your reality

 

 

PS this site still has no spell check . Sorry guys I am terible at spelling.



Posted By: ready2bme Add Comment | Comments (6) Top
10/18/2009 11:53

Candy Month........ I love candy

Hi Everyone,
 
It's been a month since I was on here last and I wanted to say hello and see how everyone is doing.. It's about 5am where I live and I am getting ready to exerciss but I wanted to share wht happened to me in the Walmart yesterday.....
 
I went to the Walmart with a friend and her little boy to buy a bday gift for a party that her son was going to. " I love to shop' When we pulled up at the walmart you would have thought thry were giving something away for free...
 
Ok back to the reason for this post.. I love candy and I do mean LOVE sometimes better then men . OK i guess it depends on the man..LOL
 
So we eneter the store and OMG there had to be hundreds of bags of different candies.. My friends son his eyes were as big as a cat.. Mine were just as big.
 
I saw all my favorites Candy Corn, marshallow pumpkins, 3muskters, O Henerys I could go on.. So we were walking around and all I could think of is Hell I really want a bag of this candy...' I have done great ' I felt like I deserve it.. In between the Vacums and towels I had a fight with myself on why I should and shouldn't get the candy.... I am not sure who was winning the fight?
 
Before I knew it my hands were on the candie and I bumped into this lady who was a very Plus women.. I said I am so sorry I think I was so involed in the candy that I  didn't see you... She said I made her day by saying I didn;t see her.. I then took another good look at her I said OMG I was her a year ago .
 
She then said as thin as you are please you probbaly can candie all day long and not gain any weight. Then she said not me I gain looking at the candy..
 
SO to make a long story short I told her about me and that I was right where she was and I know wht it is like.. I shoed her my before pic." I put up the one I showed her. She said you look great and I told her that I was feeling great..
 
I then told her about this site and gave her my user name.  ' If your reading this I am so sorry I forgot your name'  she said she was going to look it over..
 
At the end of the talk we both walked away from the candy .. I did think about it on the way home.. I am not sure wht it was that I was about. Maybe how good the cnady taste? Maybe how a whole bag would add 5lbs to me?
 
 
All I guess I am really trying to say that everyday this journy is a struggle .Some days are better tthen others. Today I hope I don't have candy on my mind..
 
I hope everyone is well. My weight is the same and I feel great that I have stayed the same.. I will be looking for oyu guys and I hope you all stay away from the candy..

Posted By: ready2bme Add Comment | Comments (3) Top
09/19/2009 01:46

Am I crazy or ..............................................

To start this post I love to say hi to everyone that has keep ed in touched with me and for the ones who are just starting there journey.
 
Now I have a little issue I want to talk about and I thought about for a few days. I wanted to make sure when I wrote this it would not hurt anyone feelings.. I can not make sure of that. I can say when I  do write here I always write from my heart..
 
So the issue I have is that for some reason since I worked really really hard to lose this weight and to try to find some joy in my life. ' over the last couple of years i have lost a sister,mother,my nephew has been attacked, my last sister is losing her battle with cancer as I write you this'  trust me it has been very hard that for some reason I have people on here and in my private life who chose to try and make me feel bad about what I have done ' SORRY I HAVE KICKED ASS ALL THE WAY' these people I am guessing for what ever reason since there journey is not going well they think if they try to make other people feel bad that maybe I will go get a box of cookies and coke and cry over this treatment.........SORRY NOT HAPPENING TODAY AND I HOPE NEVER BUT NEVER IS A LONG TIME'
 
They must be kidding or I am crazy 'Please let me know' Why is that when people get better and healthier other FAT people want to bring them down..?
 
 
Look I have always spoke what is ON my mind in my blogs and I am not going to stop now.. It is mean just like when you were the fat kid on the play ground and the thin kids teased you.. Knock it off..... I have work harder at this then anything in my life. I am VERY PROUD of myself and nobody is going to  steal that from me ' I hated the play ground'
 
 
When I joined here I saw no hope and i read people blog and said OMG that could never be me.. THE THING I DID NOT DO IS WRITE MEAN MASSAGES to them..
 
Guess what I will give you that great advice my doctor gave me..Take or leave it.
 
If you are not happy with your body and you are over weight then get your ASS off the couch and do something.. Throw away the cookies that are your 'KIDS' that you just snack on from time to time and want people here to say that is OK you will do better tomorrow.. NOT me I say what the hell are you doing having them in your house to start with?  ' your an addict we don't leave booze around for a drunk or heroin around a drug addict' Then I ask if they made you feel better? Then I would say yes your F---k up so get your ass back in gear and get going.. I also say can I help in some way.
 
I am very proud of everyone on here even the ones that act like the kids on the play ground. If your here and your not losing well at lease your here and maybe something will hit you that will get you going, If your here and doing well then I say WOW great job keep going. If your here and you have gained weight I say stay off here a little more and get busy with a better plan.  'people tend to eat when at the computer'
 
I have posted what I did to lose my weight and I have shared it with everyone here,There are no quick fixes but there are ways to workout and not even think of it as a work out..
 
 
I am still doing well with  my weight I have loss a few more pounds but I think I  am happy with my size at this time and that is all that matters  that I care 'OK maybe my partner' LOL
 
I  am just saying guys Get up and get moving and lose it........... Stop thinking so much about how am I going to get threw the weekend..Worry about today,forget yesterday, for tomorrow we are not sure we will even see it.....Spending time on that to me is a waste of time..
 
Everyone has it in them it's just how to find that person to come out and stay out,to do the hard work...
 
If you have been on some plan to lose weight and you have only loss 4 pounds in a month and you are very over weight then come on do I or anyone else need to tell you that you are cheating or its not working... Get a better plan change up..
 
 
One more thing if your husband,wife,partner wht ever says you look fine and I love you any ways''' Thats crap wht they are saying is that they have seen you try and fail so they don't even want to start ' please don't lie ad say no my husband really is ok that i am a size 18 .Wht size where you when you got married? a 10?
 
Stop asking people to do things for you like go get the mail,bring down the laundry, get me a soda why you are up, could you check on the kids, etc............NO fat so you get up and do all those things or do with out..  I was well over 400lbs so I have no problem speaking my mind. I was there and I did the same thing.
 
If you dont do the work yourself then the rewards at the end wont be as meaningful.
 
I hope that nobody got up set at this posting but rather took something good from it.
 
thanks guys,
 
PS>> I am still terrible at spelling and this site still does not have spell check..sorry
 
 
Your goals, minus your doubts, equal your reality
 
 
 
 
 

Posted By: ready2bme Add Comment | Comments (7) Top
08/09/2009 08:13

Summer,sweets,sweat,soda,suprise

Today ,  I am very happy to report that I am still on track and the summer is going well,OK not great but the one thing I  have been able to control is my food intake or lack of it..
 
So many things have helped me threw this HUGE life change ,Every day I seem to find a new way to live better,,
 
I use to live in this world of I am fine and who cares if I am over weight, If they can't love me for who I am then f---k them.... Well not the whole truth. It was the truth I wanted to live'  My shrink told me that'  Right I  for got I have not been on in a while ,Yes things with my weight were/are going just fine ,but I  knew it was time to deal with the real issue of the weight .. Boy I needed a Soda that day..
 
My doc says that he loves that I am open minded and dont mind  hearing the truth b  and telling the truth. When it comes to applying it to my life not so great.. I now live and say I am fine I look great, nothing could be better..... NOT TRUE again. I  live with the deep pain of the traumas that I have suffered' I can't even say them here' Guess I still need treatment...Also my doc wants to know why I want to lose more weight . I have sat  around and thought about that question all day today.
 
 
 I think the answer is that  food use to control me and my feeling now it's the power I have to not eat much.My family has  become worried about my weight,, No I am not having an eating disorder 'welll I hope not' My doc asked me to eat a cupcake this weekend and to page him after I had done so.. Well lets say the cupcake is still in the store..
 
 
I think that was a test to see if I can let go of my control over how I should eat.. He may very well be right but in another way I think it was like asking a drug addict to do drugs.. So what I am going to do and have done is let up on the strick plan I have been on..
 
 
I look at all of you and I see my heros and I wonder if any of you are like me and have gone from one side of the track to the other side..
 
I think that in some of my blogs I may have been harsh but GUYS I don't give out what I can't take .  So no I have not gained weight but rather lost about another 20 lbs.. since my last vist here WOW....
 
 
I am here to say to all of  you that we are all addicts of  food and I am sure other things 'mine is my control over food' Please don't give up one addiction for the other. I am going to really work on this....  I hope nobody here minds me venting and sharing,,I  never was good at the small talk I kind of just get to the point..
 
 
So please if you have moved from one addiction to another please share with me.
 
 
I hope everyone is well and having a great weekend
 
I put up new pics they are  from May  to the present..
 
If anyone has time to talk I would love to chat... I am still very proud of the work and results that I have gotten from my life change now its time to deal with the real pain and that scares the hell out of me.. I will keep you guys posted and hope you guys say hello to me as well
 
Thanks   PS my spelling has not gotten any better sorry...

Posted By: ready2bme Add Comment | Comments (3) Top
05/23/2009 06:06

I DID IT ...OMG..OMG... now what?

 Hi everyone,
 
 Well I did it with 12 days left on my side..I lost 245lbs and went  froma size 32 to a 9 well Ok there a little tight but I will still wear them.
 
 This journey for me over the last year "my god a year' started with me wanting to get healthy and find my life again. Then it was about be in shape for  my family ,then it was for  who knows anymore but right now I say its about me looking good in a size 9 yes its all about that today........ Who care about tomorrow? Well it is tomorrow but you go the idea.  I only live for right now and my sister Jen was right its better for you.. I  use to wonder about the up coming week  and month ... I  dont even know what I am doing Monday. I know what i am not doing and that is standing around the food table.. Nothing there for me but certain death..
 
  OK so I go see my doc today 'friday' and he just can't belive it and either can I. Did i say i am in a size 9 !!!!!!!!!!!!!  He says you did it my friend and you stuck with it every day and min. It is the truth its what I lived and breathed for .... I had to keep my eyes on the price me being able to breath,walk,run,stand, take a bath, eat out
 
I was trapped in my body and I just knew  i had to get out or I would be dead..
 
Well guys I am out and I am single except all the super hot dates I go on.. Not out to eat I tell them lets go to the gym. Hey if they can se me walk,run and have no makeup on then they are in for treat after I am showered..I also get the working out done so kill 2 things at the same time...
 
 My doc was like where did you go? I said I am not sure but I am not looking for a vist any time soon.. I want to remember her always she was a good person and she helped me be the better person I am now..Not all of it is the weight but alot OK HELL 75 percent but the other 25 well she was a scared daughter,sister,anut,friend who was dying in a 400lb body  that was to affaried to be happy because being sad well that was easy I got to eatt cake and drink sodas and feel sorrry that I was fat...Heaven know I can't be happy because if I am the world is going to come crashing down...Nothing like that the world has really invited me in and said look you can do this stuff now..
 
 I love taking the merto into DC and shop...OK I also like to talk to the people in the subway..I do find them very intresting..Before this I think I only took it a hand ful of times..THey all know me on the redline now LOL.
 
 I say all  of these people have some kind of story to tell and I do try to find ou tthat stoy in 26 mins,If the story is good I will keep riding till they get off and i head back out...Only had a few of them an dI gave my number to 2 of them..
 
 Then I think I wonder if they want to know my story..So I will start of with Hi how are you? then right into the 230lbs in less then a year and know 245lbs OMG  OMG
 
they say no way,how was the surgey,or that's not you..  It sure is me..I make sure not to say it was me because she will be with for ever.. I am very proud of her that she loved me enough to let me  live and be happy in the body I was should have been in....
 
 Well now what I asked the Doc? he said what do oyu mean? i said well I lost the weight I am in good shape my heath is much better....He said yea you still have 20 to go  .. WHAT 20 more does it ever end and said no it never will and when you start to for get  that feeling you better watch out...
 
 So I am going to still set my goal to loose 20 before the end of the summer..
 
Having you guys and all the great letters I got from you guys thank you so much...
 
 I hope everyone here is doing well or at lease trying to do well.. I am going to a longer post I just need some sleep... am so happy I will write more latter.
 
Thanks
Deb
 

Posted By: ready2bme Add Comment | Comments (6) Top
04/16/2009 03:03

Where the hell did the 200lbs go? Thanks Jen I know you helped me all the way and then some...

Hi everyone,
 
OK yes I am back with another post and let me say sorry up front for the miss spelled words and typing mistakes. They should have put spell check on here. They might and i just don't see it...... LOL
 
  So my friends who read my posts I have lost over 200lbs and I am down to my last 30lbs well really 29 but who is counting? SHIT I  am ..... My journey has been a hard and great one at the same time. I want to say that I have always tried to help the people that have reached out to me on here and  gave them all my information,tips,advice but the one thing I never gave you guys was my BIG SECERT what really got my going and keep me on track that is my big SIS JEN who lost her life to cancer at 41 and I have put up the 2 pics that I have carried everyday with me during my life change.
 
 She would say Deb why do they want to see a picture of a women who is only 45 mins from leaving this earth.. I would say because those pictures of a strong beauitful women help her little sister find life again and showed me that I had no right to complain about this and that little shit in life when Great people like you have no choice but to die a terrible death.. That being Fat is a choice and I choose not to be FAT/OVER WEIGHT/ CHUBBY/BBW/FEW EXTRA POUNDS what ever the hell you want to call it this week to make oursleves feel better.
 
Then she say Deb that's a little hard and then I say Jen Shut the Fuck up you know if you were here you would be saying the same damn thing. Then she say Ok maybe but I would not write it in a  blog.. Well that part is true she would not have done this but I have always said what is on my mind and never really cared what people thought except for Jen and she is gone now so if I  am speaking a little hard please do not read on anymore..... I  am not writting about any one person but rather a GROUP we all belong to and to tell you the truth I can't wait till my membership ends.... I know what some of you are saying she will be back we all are and you know what you might just be right but I am trying and as long as I try then I will win this war I have with food and eating.... OUR adiction all of us have it... So far I am still in recovery and I am feeling great I mean fucking great.' Thanks to alot of you guys'.
 
 Someone on here wrote me just the other day to ask when I was going to post again I wrote back very soon. It was already on my mind after my last check up with my CRAZY DOC on Friday.... That's a nother post in it's self but lets say he is still watching this site and reading post and he says Deb you are looking great and I have to say you really did stick in there but then he said if he had to put money on a group of women to lose weight and spoke to each of them 1st he said Deb I would have still picked you.. I said why trying to make myself feel even better then I already do. He said I never throw money away and if my money was going to the trash at lease I will pick the chic with the most lip and who says whats on her mind.. Then I was thinking is he saying he didn't think anyone would have lost this amount so I ask him and he said see Deb you asking me that nobody eles would have and if I am going to lose money I want a good laugh... I said Doc tha't not funny and he said Deb you are right it is not funny at all and the fact you know it now tells me that I think you have a good chance of keeping your weight under control not a  great chance but a good chance....' I really did like this Doc at one point in time not sure anymore!!! that's not true I am sure with out him I would be dead today and for his blunt honest talk I thank him very much.   He siad Deb I want you  to be so very proud of what you have done and you take all credit because you did all the work but remember it is that thing that you are  going  to  live with you every day and as soon as you start to say OK now I can have of this or that then thats when the troulble all starts and then the next thing you know you can't see your feet anymore or fit in a booth.... I said I know and I  know I dont need a peice of cheese cake but boy I would love a picece right now but I know that is a want and not a need and  it will pass soon enough.
 
 So Now the reason I am writting is I want to know where the HELL is that 200lbs? Really do you ever wonder where that weight goes? My doc said you sweated it off and you went to the bathroom to let it out. Thank god for in dorr plumbking LOL.  But really when I started this I said when I reach my goal then I am sure I will have ot have surgey for the extra weight that I was sure was goin got hang... So as of right now yes I do have some not much on mt stomach and arms more on my thighs but not terrible at all really. My doc said thank god for good genes and working out and I never gave birth before..So I did go to a plastic Doc who I had never meet and I was in clothes and I walked in his office told him my big Irish story of my life .. He was great he was like no way in helll he really said hell... Then he asked if I mind if he takes a look I was thinking NO that's why I am here just for that reason. So he and the nurse take a look write a few notes take some measure mintues and then he says please get dressed and meet me in my office. Also he took pics So I said Ok and while I was dresssing All I could think of how is he going to talk me into  more work then I needed.  Shit that was going to to happen when it come to me and money well lets say I keep my friends close but my money even closer..
 
 So I am dressed and go back ot his office to hear the bad news.. He says Debbie it was nice meeting you but at this point there really id nothing I can do  for you to help you.Nothing I can offer you can help you .... SHIT I was saying to myself Ok something is really wrong because insurance does not cover this and you have  to be paid in full on the day of your surgey so what was wrong was it so bad that it couldn't be fix I didn't think i really look bad after all the weight and I am almost 40.... So I said is there a problem or something and then he leans in says no dear not at but to be honest I think oyu are one of the most beautiful women I have ever had in my office and the nurse just said the same thing... OK r these 2  on some kind of drug or something to think I was one of the most women he has ever seen.  I said you are funny no really why can't you help me hten he said yes I can you need to buy yourself a  pair of spanks and a much smaller bra and then you will see a  15lbs  difference in just mins. OK what wrong with this picture I am here so I don't have to wear them I never did try them upto this point.. I said why he said because the small amout of fatty skin you have left is not enough for me to just open oyu up, I said teenage r getting things done he said not in my office then he turned around grabbed a book and opened it and he knew almost every person in the book by name and what he did to help them and it was great work the work i wanted very much so.
 
 So after a few mins he said you see Deb with a face like your there really is no better model and your skin is like a 20 year ols you have thicker hair then a teenager and your eyes could not be more perfect if they were the ocean. OK i won't lie I think I have a pretty face bt the rest of me get the hellout of here.
 
 I said I am not in here for my face and he said or your body you have a great body for a women who was over 400lbs and you are almost 40 you look very early 30 if that but nobody is perfect and so you have a little tummy and you you sag a little in the leggs but were you really going to wear a string bikkini again he said he thought thsose were 20 years old if for anyone at all. He said these are your battle scares be proud of what you have done and just keep going but he then said if in 18months you still feel the same way and you have keeped off the weight then we will revist the idea but all you need is a 20 dollar pair of spanks and thank god that your mom told you how bad the sun is for you then all he keep saying was you look like a porclin doll I mean it it is unreal . your before pics and after pics not even the same person I dont see any of her in you and my god how did my 5 chins just go right back in place like that.. How the hell do I know I was working on the not eating and working out and drinking water and walking and telling myself that i am a good person and i deserve to be happy ..
 
 When I left his office I said this guy must live in his truck he must lose alot of business if he tells alll the women the same thing he told me... I went home but 1st stoped and got the spanks and  a few new bras and when I got home I put them on and those size 12 jeans went right on. I look in the mirrror and and I was saying WOW is that me really me and then I said I wonder if I look like Jen she was and is the most beautiful women I hae ever seen and if I look half that good then I will be just fine...People tell me we look alike now if jen had not dyed her hair. So I saved alot of money and he is right what I have left from my journey I want to kep as a reminder of what I went through now guys thats just me I was already to make a new me and fix me up..... But I hate the spanks they are to tight and I hate anything that hugs that tight so they are in my closet and I am in my 12 jeans with out them so I say that is a nother great mile stone on my journey to be ready2bme..............
 
Shit I still want to know where the 200lbs is... What I really want ot say and I could have and should have said at the start of this is that my sister Jen lived in terrible pain everyday for 18months only to know that she was not going ot make it there was no hope none at all and she still fought everyday until she no longer could so with that said what right do I have to complain  about anytrhing to do with my weight I did it to myself and I knew I could fix it with Jen looking down on me I had it made from the start Well I like ot think that just as much as I think she sent me some of her looks as a gift to say say DEb great job now go find a damn husband and get married and be happy ...
 
So where am I headed in the next step of this great journey I am on and it is a great one with a few bumps in the road but those made me stronger I am going to contuine  to lose my 30lbs and get my BMI down to around 25 I hope its 28 now but hey it was 65 in June I reallt have not right to complain and lie about what I canand cant do to get better... It is a work in brogress and I hope never to see the end result because we all be better then we are  so I hope this journey last the rest of my life and I only go forward and not bacwards but if I do get turned around I have learned some great tricks to turn right back around if I have to use them I will.. PS I have Jen and I feel her arms around me more every day and I love when she holds me.... I want to stay on this site and read and all the great work you guys are doing and the not so good stuff as well because it will remind me nothing in life is perfect and we all need support  and what a great group of you guys here on EP.. I  wish we could all do  a meet and greet.. If someone says a fair where there is funnel cake I will have to speak up and say no to that one.. It would be fun guys for us the EP team meet and see each other...
 
So until I write again and  I hope it is to say that I am still losing and doing well but if I write that I have slipped and put on weight PLEASE don't say it will be fine or it's ok say DEB get your ass back in gear and do the things you know you need to do..... That to me is being a friend someone who will tell you the truth even if it hurts.....
 
 
So just an update on my neighbors that I was a little worried about. I thought they thought I was a hooker turned out they thought I was dying. I was a little off on that one but ever since we spend alot of time together really its nice.. She make the best homemade UN sweeted tea and I bring over a plate offreah fruit and we all sit around and talk... Then her husband always leave at the same time every time 4.40pm.... Do you know what I think I think he has a GF but I have been wrong before so I will update if I find anything more out on that... I use to love to watch my soaps every day and say you know I like to have some fun like that well guys my life is a soap and if I had to give it a name it would be .... The Journey keeps going!!!! 
 
Have a great day guys and please take a look at my beautiful sister Jenny and my nephew Jesse who head was smashed in with the claw end of a hammer... You see if you have not read my post you dont know about him but to long to get into now. He is trying hard to get better but things are not great but we have him and we will look over him because he is Jen son so I know he is a good egg..  My albums are also of my change and the cothes the gym just a little look into my journey to 2 a better me.
 
 
Thanks,'
Deb
 
 
 

Posted By: ready2bme Add Comment | Comments (3) Top
03/08/2009 15:49

Update to all you guys on the crazy doc and where did 192lbs go.

To my EP friends and all you that  left me  feedback regarding my  my post of 192lbs gone.
 
 
Yes I do have a great doc and he is very caring but no bed side manner. I kind of lik that I am Irish and if your Irish you know how we like it just what te hell is on your mind.
 
So a few things I left out ,forgot what can I say. Yes I took PHEN for  a little over 6 months and had no problem stoping. Here is the crazy shit ok guys. Right before I started my life change i was in the hospital 5 times in a year could not breath, had a stroke and so fat they had to weigh me on a special bed. I ust thought it was nice that I didn't have to  move or walk.
 
Ok back to my story after all my health problems my health insurance would not pay for me to have gastro to lose weight the chance of me dying was far to great who the hell are they kidding I was dying a slow terrible death with no chance to live.  So I guess they kind of thought well we will pay another couple of years of med bills then when she dies we throw her file in the trash. Well guess what guys I am here and feeling great. I even sent the insurance board  pictures of me before and after. Got a letter saying glad e could help. Who the hell are they kidding. ALL to much I had to leave that alone.
 
 
Now for a few things I left out..... PER my doc he saw the post said spelling was teribble but that I did say the hard truth and he said they wont like you. I said I dont care if they dont like me If I can save one of them form going through what I went through or if someone is just starting out and they think there is no hope then I want them to know there is.
 
He told me to update on my replys. So far he is wrong all you guys were very sweet and I think oyu guys saw some of what I had to say to be true. We dont like but it is  true.
 
So with that said and not mentioning any nanes"SMILE" I see way to many cute puppies and get real on your goal weight is that yours or what your doc says you need to be at.........PS my doc told me to change mine so right after  this I am going to. He said it was a very good goal but not safe goal for my height and age he told me to take another 45 off . What that's like 75 more lbs I said.   He said great now you have something to do with your extra time. He really is funny and half Irish he also said Deb if you get any of these people to listen or talk very open and not sugar coat things he said I should start a group .I said I tried  the clothing one. He said he had no idea why nobody want to trade or sell there clothes. Then he said yes i do and why he said do you really want to know Deb I said yes he said because non of us wanted to go through or clothes to depressing and nobody wanted to mail it and do extra work phyical work. SORRY guys I was laughing so hard he is right because that was how I was feeling when I start the store that never went any where....
 
 He also said deb who wants to leave an message that says i  like to know if I have a size 34 shit I have alot of new stuff in that size and he said they wont ask you because they cant even put real pics up to say this is who I am now and just wait and see me in a few months. SO>>> back to you guys after I was done talking to him and I looked you all up and lets just say this is not a flower shop or a puppie mill. So people you said you like what I wrote and it has really got you ready to push harder GREAT but you got to be honest put your pic up and dont hide  yourselfs we are all beautiful an we will ALL get better looking and healthy together..... We can be a strong team put down the diet sodas there worse then regular and o that  VITEAMAN water get the hell out of here look at whats in that.... Sure if your running 4 miles great have one....  WE are addicts to food all food......... Sorry guys but that is our drug of choice...
 
 The things I left out maybe I just didnt want to write it not sure will think on that one and get back to you...  When my doc gave me all that stuff he also said deb i am having something delivered to oyur house you should get in a few days I said what is it and he said the TRUTH' How do you deliver the truth I will tell you in huge like 30 times the size of  a poster that my FAT ASS in that pic on that board and my god was it huge... After I got it And call the doc and said what should I do woth this he said put right in your room on the floor so you can see as soon as you get out of bed... I said it wont fit in my room he said DEB you dont fit..... He has jokes for days or the truth then I thought it was funny but I look at tha poster every day for 7 months and when I saw it I said hell no I am not leeting you back in my life and I had a better day really almost everyday since I statred,  Here is MY LIST of what I did it worked for me and I have no idea if it will work for you so please check with your DOC if you have questions .
 
 
1 .Went to bed every night at 10.30pm........  set an alarm at 9pm as reminder that no matter what your goin gto bed soon. If the kids are still up guess what they wont die going to bed in there clothes. You moms need totell them that this is important and you need to do this and WHEN you finish how much more fun will you be able to have with the kids.
 
 
 
2.Up at 6am..... YES even on the weekends your body has no idea it the weekend and if your saying she is crazy its the only time I get to sleep then PLEASE do not read any more.....
 
 
3. i EAT kashi FIBER  cereal everyday with  straw berries or blue berries and fat free mile and water.... Yes it taste like coardborad but it gets me moving in every way possible.......'GET backt to that at the end if I remember'
 
 
4 Working out.... Now that is going to be different everyone if your my size when I started ROLLING out of bed was work of course you can't do as much but you can do something.I started in the pool 5 times a week. for 45 mins and I  ran 100 times back and forth from one end to the other and yes i look weird doing but guess what every month less people saw me if you know what I mean.
 
 
5. i only weigh once a week on the same day and around the same time. He helps me because nobody should weigh  every day if your doing right  then no need.
 
 
 
6. The car.... I always park in the front in handycap or as close as I could get well my good old doc said Deb start off parking your car the lenght of your name or more. I was thinking does he mean Deborah Sue or Debbie I did have to ask he was laughing he sad start with Deb I was like great. Then he said each week move 2 spaces down or so and I did and still do. .... After about a month he said now when you go shopping for anything you bring one bag at a time to the car.... Before I could say one word he said I dont care if that whole Irish family is shopping YOU bring every bag to the car.... LETS say the family shopping was SOLO for a while now Ilove towalk back and forth it give me time to think.
 
 
7.Cooking not so much we  are addicts and if we cook we cheat.... So he made me buy the grilled chicken already cooked one where the chicken is in the boxes one box gives you 3 meals OK. then Buy frozen veggie plain in personal size bags meaning one serving at a time but have 2 that fine and where the fresh veggies are there is fresh SALSA in a pint size container .  SO..in a a paper bowl or what ever put 1part of the box of chicken and put veggies in and salsa and a little fat free ranch and like a cup of freah fruit or how ever much you want cant have to many of those I say. Its taste great and my neice and nephews love it.... Lunch  weat bread mustard and turkey and all the veggies you want on top and water... have a yougart and fruit and a slice of cheese just change it up..... I think oyu got the idea...
 
You must eat this before 7pm so set your clocks for 5pm and 6pm no matter what your doing you will stop and eat...... No fast food for any reason not even to get water the temption is to great go to the gas station.... If you dont eat by then you lose you can a bowl of fresh fruit up till 9pm then nothing.....
 
 
NO sweets not even sugar free act like you will die if you have a anything sweet for some of us this is true.....
 
Put up the worst pic of you on EP yes the really fat one I will put mine back up so look out for it ok guys... Dont say what if someI know seeme guess what they no how big you are and there on the site for the same thing,,,,,
 
 
journal everyday in the am for the day before........
 
 
No eating in your room at all...........
 
You walk the dog not the kids............
 
Stop asking starting to day for qnyone to get you anything if you need that bad get your ass moving it true guys and my family was great I was terrrible at this one they use to get me everything..... Not now I get for them..
 
 
You knws those clothes you have in a box or closet that you grew out of but you are sure you are going to get back in them because your husband or wife loved you in it..... Give them away.......Your reward for getting back in  that size is not to go backwards in life get new stuff you love it trust me I know what I am talking about.......
 
 
If your partner is over weight as well and you are on this big hi  to do this and you are getting the whole family in on it give it a rest they will do it when there ready...leave them alone no place for you to judge.......
 
 
 
You walk and get the mail every day dont drive down be real........
 
 
only water and lipton diet ice tea...... nothing eles no not even the coffe that one big thing as soon as you give that up and soda you are almost home.......
 
 
every week take a pic of yourself and pin it in the closet..... you will start to see the change and its a every day reminder that you still are on your journey......
 
 
I do the WII FIT  5 times a week now and I love it.............. well I hate the hool hop so if you are going to use this I give you guys a pass on that one for get it...
but every day i must make a new personal best on some thing before i can stop so get moving.......
 
 
during the day eat friut and fruit and Hummis never liked that but great for you and the KASHI crackers you get 18 of them in one sitting and they taste good.
 
 
 
Thats my big plan on how I lost the weight I did..... if I remember anything eles I will repost..... I did forget the most important thing on the inside of your front door you make a big poster that say the follwing thing and read as often as you but always when you leave the house.
 
 
: NOTHING  TASTE  AS GOOD AS THIN FEELS''   It really is true everyone...
 
 
 
FINAL NOTES>>>>>>  If you wrote before on the last post and your reading this and you are the 1st 2 people who message me and you change your pic and  goal weight and are willing to help me start up a group yes more work but better then eating  i will pay for 3 months of gold membership for those 2 people who will help me and I will help you. And if we 3 people have gold memberships then we can  put up differnt members of the group that has lost  weight and doin git right. SORRY  guys i am tired of seeing those same people up there they have not changed in 9 months and are they still losing and does they say nobody eles is I think we should all cantact them say thanks  for the people you have up we love them but maybe change it ever month or 4.....
 
One very last thing  do you remember me saying  that I thought my neghbor thinks i am a hooker well yesterday I  just had to go over and say hello not sure if from reading my post guys you can see I like to talk and I am irish well off I went and we had a nice talk and I told them I was not DYING.... LMAO they thought we the weight lose I was dyin gof something. Ok  i was way off on that one. turns out they are really nice ......
 
 
Bye guys and I am looking to start my group and the store if you guys think we should but I like all3 of us to have a say and be equal in the whole thing well maybe one thing my doc said that someone eles should write the  news and updates my spelling and typing terrible.. I would also like the group to be real in that say what is on your mind and if someone post on the group they at some cookies lets not tell them its ok.......SAy your an addict and put the damn things down call them out on it.. If we cant tell each other the truth who are we going to tell....     TODAY WILL BE  BETTER THEN  YESRTERDAY AND TOMORROW WILL BE BETTER THEN TODAY. CANT WAIT FOR TOMORROW.....
 
 

Posted By: ready2bme Add Comment | Comments (8) Top
03/07/2009 16:21

192lbs lighter and a crazy doc that saved me.

Today  I am 192lbs lighter and it has taken me 9 months and  alot of hard work. I am blogging this information because when I started I think I read ever post  about how to lose the weight and count the calories and do this and do that.
 
Thanks to those people I  am here today and thanks to myself I did all the hard work. My god I would never have said that 2 months ago let alone 9 months ago but I am saying it today and I am saying loud and proud.
 
Where do I really beginn to start this story was it when my sister died or my nephew was attacked or when I was in the hospital because I had a stroke at 37 small but still a stroke.
 
NO I think I am going to say it started the day i said you know what  F the world I have the right to be happy just like everyone eles or at lease fake it like a lot of people do but I couldn't even do that.
 
 So we see the really thin moms with 5 kids wrapped around her say my god how does she look that good? We say its the kids that keep her thin'RIGHT' it the ADDERAL in her purse she takes to be able to watch that many kids that keeps her thin. Yes I said and I can say it again. Or is it the great looking guy that has a body of a GOD and we say he must be in the gym every day if only i could do that . S--t no alot of them are on so many steroids they dont know if there coming or going.
 What I am trying to say is  everyone has some kind    of drug of  choice yes everyone and your kidding yourself if you say LIKE I SAID I dont drink,smoke,do drugs, my GOD you would think I could have been a noun except what i was not saying is that I drink 12 cokes aday and eat one pizza like a piece and dont let me see cheese cake I would  eat  whole   thing and all the late night delivery of food you think I was a hooker with all the people that showed up at my door all hours of the day' Thought my neighor might really think that' well getting back to everyone having there own drug of choice. Well my friends here at EP ours is food and we all  know and if we are still trying to say I think its more if I just eat a little healthier YEA get out of here.  We have all been saying that for years and we are going to start tomorrow or I bought  the fat free so  am doing a little better. SORRY guys  it does not work that way and I was n the same dream world and thought the same things. Until my great DOC and coach same person said Deb please take a seat in my office and lets have a chat. I was like ok he a really nice old doc' 55' Like thats old I think he will be  alive after he dies.
 
 So it was just a few weeks after I started my life change and I had dropped a few pounds and I was thinking I am doing great and I have not cheated everything is going to be ok. BOY was I wrong. We get in his office and starts off by saying you are off to a start not a good start but still a start I was thinking he been my doc for awhile is he taking some good meds;SMILE' i  said what do  you mean he had my atteion then and still does  today. He said Deb I went on that site you told me about  EP yes this one and he said DEB can we be really honest we each other and I do mean really honest I said sure I have always like that. Let me take that back I like to try to be honest except when it came to myself because I just didnt care.
  He said DEB I think it great that there is site out there where people with the same problems can talk to each other but I can also say in the same breath that they  are going to bring each other down  and  until they can be honest with themselves they will fail he said over 70 percent and to be honest he has keeped up with this site alot more often then I even thought. He said he took down 30 names of just ramdon people and to this day I dont know who they are or but he told me Firday when I went in for check up that he was sorry  that the sucess rate is even lower then that. I htink i am getting you guys a little confussed My doc and I have had alot of talks over the last 9 months my last being Friday and 1st real one is the one i am talking about above.
 
 Ok so when I started and we had this little chat in his office he said Deb I looked at your profile and I found a few problems I as thhinking what did i miss spell I do that alot I am sure you can tell by reading this.   He said Deb why is there a cute little pic of  a dog as your pic and why is my weight not in lbs and why is my goal not even close to what I need ot lose.  I said what do yu mean he said what are you tying to tell the people you guys that you dont weigh 400 ilbs and your  not sa big as a house but you like them to support in your small weight lose. I did have to think on that one for a while but what I was really thinkig he is rude. He said Deb until you get honest with how much weight you need  to loose and how you look today you will not make it.
 
 Now I was getting a little upset I really thought I was off to this great start he telling me that I am already going to fail. I said in kind of a bad tone ok then what do  I need to do to stay on track and change my life. HE said you have want to live and change and then your half way there. I was thinking i do think that and I said that to him he said no Deb you are still sugar coating how big the problem is. I then said fine I will do what ever you tell me to . GOD knows I had no idea how to do it.
 
 He said great I thought you say that so I have this whole plan put together for you and if you just stick to it you will be a changed women in the year. I was thinking this doc has this whole plan to change me and when did he take the time to do this for me and how much is he billing my insurance.'SMILE I said OK Ilove to hear it. So he goes to his closet and pull out this pretty big box of stuff and said this box is going to change you . So he put the box down and started to pull things out the 1st being a pic of me in a bathing suit as big as a house. He ask me to bring in my worst picture of myself andthat the one I gave him.
 
 He said i want you to put this pic up of you for all of the EP people to see. I said are you kidding he said why because you look like a beach whale I said I was not going to say that he said I need to do.He said you are not this cute dog or a pretty little flower or smile face you are a young women who is dying and you better start to understand that and excpet that you will be dead in the 3 years not maybe but just when. I was starting tocry he said good cry all you want just kep up with me."He handed me tissue' he then said here is a new outfit my wife picked out for you she thought it would look great on you. I said  she can see me right this wont fit a barbie he said your right it much to big for a barbie but it will fit a size 12-14 women  and I was like ok  so what do I do with it now he said nail it to your closet wall or the front door I dont give a s--t just do it. He then handed he this huge pretty book that is my journel even today and he said ever day when you get up you are to write down what you did and eat the day before.  I said the day before maybe I should write before I go to bed he said NONO NO you must do it in the am so after you write you can say wow I had a great day yestrday and I can do it again today. Then he hands me this small metal box that was a safe that you put money in but cont take out. I was thinking ok this must be for the money I am going to save  on all the food I dont buy he said no it is foreveryday that I dont do what I need todo to make my life better. he said even if you eat great but dont do the following work out plan that he had put together for me that was the next item he pulled out. He said you have to put 5 dollars in the bank every day that you dont finsh. well really 10 dollars 5 for working out and 5 for eating right. I just said ok .
 
he then gives me a gift card to a PLUS size clothing store and said go buy a bathing suit and get your ass in the pool. I said this big right he said you got it right just do it. All I could think was what does a size 34 bathing suit look like. The next thing was tape measure to meausure how big I was all over he help me do that and I really cried.  next was a list of thing not to do.
 
1. don;t count your calories
2. don't measure your food
3. dont join a  diet food program
4. buy anything at all frozen ecept veggies plain and sugar free popciles
5. dont drink anything except plain water and diet lipton tea
6.dont let anyone in your home that is goingto put you at risk of dying
7.Dont not do the following things I just said above.
 
So this crazy list that went against everything  I have heard and read. is going to change me . he said it going to let you live. I was ok I gues I cantry this now what do i do with all these things I bought for measuring and this diet food i bought from a program he said out them in the trash they will kill you.
 
 He then went on to explain he crazy thinking to me. He said DEB why do oyu think your sister died of Lung cancer at 40 i said because she smoked he right i then said she tried alot of different things to stop over the years but nothing worked right Deb all the gum and patches and what ever they didnt work did they i said no. he said not from trying but because the stuff she was trying to to help her was a joke and why do oyu think they come out with something  new all the time for helping to quite smoking becuase they want you to keep smoking just like the person that thought of weight watcher and the others one. He do  you think they really want to help you get thin are you kidding they would go broke if everyone lost weight. they want you to eat as much as you can feel bad about yourself and come ever week to a meeting you pay for to tell everyone how in 3 weeks you lost 2 ilbs.
 
 he sai d why do most people fail at rehabs center they pay alot of money to because there a joke. He said you get cry on nice coach and here this s--t about you work the prgram and the program will work for you and then give you the big book that you pay 100 dollars for or get a free one at a AA meeting.
 
 
I was like what are you saying. Are these the tricks that are going to help me lose the weight hesid DEB my whole point is there is no trick program you have to just do  it. People dont live in the real world and count everything they eat the just dont do that  he said if you dont have crap in your house to eat then you will eat only healthy things. i said well what about he PHEN you gave me he said Deb its apill that help trick your brain into thinking your not hungery and lets you learn how to eat right and how often. he said if you eat pizza while you were taking it it would not help in any way from keeping of the fat.
 
Ok guys I am ending this long post to just say in short I love my doc and I have not one time gained any weight  in this journey. I have lost every week because I have no choice if I want to live. Living is something I very much want to do and know I can say that I can begin to do the things I missed.
 
There are no quick fixes to lose our weight we just have to give up our drug FOOD JUNK and if we slip and we all wll to get back up and try again. Guys we have the worst addiction that there is all other addictions you can totaly give up and live just fine not us we need food to live but what we dont have to do is live to eat.
 
So i have done everyting my doc said to ad now it is just habbit and I hope to keep it this way for ever but I know I cannever have cheese cake in my home or I will die. There is no if and or buts about it. We are kidding ourselves to think its ok to eat one cookie well please message me if you sliped and only eat one cooie when you did slip.
 
 
If any of you guys are wondering if I had any money in the box well as of friday I had over 500 dollsrs and I have not cheat with food once so yes it the exerices well it was in the start but its like brudhing my teeth i have to do it.
 
Please guys this is just my journey and I am very proud of everyone who is on here doing and going through what ever they need to to be the best them that they can be.This is just what is working for me and if it can help anyone then it was worthing writting and sorry all the bad spelling.
 
Have a great wekend everyone and keep up with your journey and goals to be the best you can be.
 
 
Debbie
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Posted By: ready2bme Add Comment | Comments (8) Top
01/01/2009 23:02

How I changed my life in 2008

So another year has come and gone. I have to say that I have not had the best year. I am glad that a new has started and I hope this year better things come to all of us on EP.

So in June of 2008 I was a size 32/34 hell I lost track wen I couldn't  buy clothes in the mall anymore. I said to my self that this is not how I want to live I really think I was trying to kill myself the lose of my sister was and is to great. How could life move on with out my best friend and protector. Who would I tell all my problems to and tell all my secerts to . I was just lost moving day to day since she died. I was living for the rest of my family not for me.  So in June just a few days after my bday I said I am going to change my life to make me feel better about who I am.  I figured I would wait till after my bday so I could have my cheesecake. I love cheesecake and coke I think I could live off that. Hell I was living off that and all the drive in food places and the pizza delivery late at night.

Ok back to my change of life. I just sat on my bed with a pen and paper very late one night eating pizza and said what do I want for myself in life. The 1st thing I wrote was see my sister again. Right from the start I knew this was going to be hard because I knew that was not possible  and I needed to write things that were.

So I started over and wrote all my hopes for me and what I wanted my life to be like not what everybody wanted for me. The next thing I knew it was 3 hours later and I had a plan that nobody was going to stop me from doing. I did need to speak with my doctors because of course my body was a terrible mess. NOTHING was going to get in my way. That had to be at the top of my list!!. All I could do was think how strong my sister was to fight cancer with such grace and she knew she was not going to live but she never did anything in life half ass so this was nothing different. She had terrible pain everyday screaming and yelling that the pain would never end and all I could do was look at my sister and see the life leaving her every day. We talked about everything under the sun even death. She would ask me why I thought she was fighting a cancer that she had no hope of living through. I said jen I really don't know why you doing this to yourself hell take a vacation and enjoy the time you have left. I would have enjoyed that time with her more. She then said Deb I  am doing this for my kids and you. Doing what I said showing us how much pain and suffering you are going through. She said no showing you guys that when you think something in life is hard you will be able to look back and say this is nothing compared to what my sister/mom went through. Also that you fight till you have no more fight in you. She was very strong like that. She say Deb all my pain and it was terrible pain  is nothing if my kids and you learn to fight for the life you have and to do what ever you need to do until you know you can't anymore. I would love to tell you guys that was the drugs talking but she was so strong she never took that crap. I only saw her take advil. So my sister body was taken by cancer not her spirt and drive to live. She had that till the last breath she took. SHE IS MY HERO.

So I had to give up coke and cheesecake and get my body moving who the hell was I to complain because my fat ass would not fit in a booth at a  resturant or going to the movies was to much trouble. Just living was hard but guess what I was not dying from some terrible diease that I got but rather I was killing myself.

Off to the doctor I went to tell him all about my great plan and I could see that he was thinking ok Deb you try but really thinking she will never be able to start because really where was the start. The start was me saying I want to change and I knew things would come together if I just kept that thought in my head every day and I did and still do.

After the the doctors vists and getting my weight never really wanted to know that number but how was I going to change unless I had all the truth in front of me.  I was off to the store to buy a few things to save my life.

Went to the sport store bought a pedotmeter and a bunch of stuff that I had no idea what I was going to do with it but I would figure it out. When I got to the counter the lady said who are you buying all these things for? I said what do you mean and she was like you must know somebody who loves to work out. I said no they are for me and she gave me the sme look I use to give the guy at the Ice cream shop when my scoop was to little like he was crazy. Then she was kind of quite and I said can you think of anything I forgot and she said well you might want a few books on working out  I  was like great idea give me what ever you have. So with my books and all these things I had no idea what to do with I was on my way just a few more stops and I can start my change.

Next I was off to the pet store to get a new leash for my grat dog he was going to be my work out partner. He loves the jobs.

Then I was off to buy food and when I got in the storeI was mess and tired and all I wanted was a coke it was hot. Then I said no I want better for me so I got a bottle of water and started to look around. After about 20mins and 80 dollars I knew that I could not do this all alone I need some help to get jump started. So I went home made a few calls to great hospitals to find the perfect person  to teach me how to live right because the way I was doing was not working. I found DAVE and he was and is everything I was looking for. Thank god for insurance and yes I did pay for some stuff out of pocket but like I said nothing was going to get in my way. So Dave and I talked  for over and hour and by the time we were hanging he up he knew that I need real help  not a friend but somebody to just be hard core honest and I knew he wanted someone who was really going to give it 100 percent I was going to give him 150 percent. We made plans to meeet at his office and begin to change my life for the better.

So we meet and I have to say he was hard and he never gave me that look like no way you can do this. Months later I asked him if he though I was going to do it he said it was not what he thought but rather what I thought. He said only you can change your life I am just here to help you reach your goal.

So I am just over the 6months mark and down over 145lbs and my body is getting better everyday as well as my out look on life. Now don't think I  didn't want to quite and go have a coke and pizza and say I will try again later . I was thinking well I tried that is better then nothing. Then all i could think about was my sister and everything sshe went through and that put me right back in place.

As of today  1/1/09 I have not cheated one time and I have lost weight every week. Now I don't even think about the junk food I think how great I feel  when i wake up and I don't have to roll out of bed and I do mean roll. My life is not about living to eat  but rather eating to live. I still have alot of things to work on. and I keep adding to my list when I fish something I add aomething new to the list.

It has been very hard work and I will say I am proud of me. Me being proud is all that I ever wanted. 

So now it is 2009 and I want to stay on track and keep fighting because this is a fight I can win. I just need to get  stronger every day. I want to be happy with me all of me inside and out. Also I know my sister is giving me some help.

Joining this group and reading all the post and making friends was a huge part of my life change and still is. For all of you that have reached out to be my friend I want to say thank you and I would not be where i am today with out your support.

So I am going to end this post soon. I just needed to write this post for me to let go of last year and look forward to this year.

During the time I have been on EP I have have had alot of people ask me how am I doing it. Sorry I never answered that question because what I am doing is working for me and I don't know if it is what you are looking for. I was telling Dave and he said tell them what you have done maybe something will help them. I said no everyone has there own plan and he said Deb some of those plans are not great. Like some of the plans I had in start Dave was like I don't think so. So for anybody who took the time to read this below are some of the things I did to change my life. Please remember it is just what has worked for me and I think all of you are heros in my book.

Thanks for reading.

Deb

1. All junk food was given to my friends

2. I have a sign hanging on the inside of my front door that reads

     ' NOTHING TASTE AS GOOD AS THIN FEELS'

3. I wear my walking prodomoter every day as soon as I get dress and I set a goal for that week meaning the same about of miles/steps I want to do everyday, I never look till I get home and ready to undress and if I have not made my goal well of for a long walk and trust me in the start my dog had more walks then he ever needed.

4. I always right everday the same time in my food log right before I go to bed what I eat but I never count my calories ever. I have doen that from the start. Dave said Deb if you only have the right food in oyur house then you don't need to do that.  He said it is not real to live counting everything and giving yourself points. So I was like ok and it has been great for me.

5. When I go out shopping I park my car at lease the number of letters in my name.Now I do my last name I hope to put in my middle name this year that is on my list. TIP if you do this plan I do at the end of the night when you check your meter it helps.

6. When I go food shopping  I walk one bag at a time to the car.TIP really helps with the meter.

7. I set my phone alarm at  4.00pm to  remind me that I have 2 hours to eat dinner and then I set it again at 5pm to say what ever your doing you better eat in 1 hour or I do not eat dinner but I wil have some fruit and yougart.

8. I eat nothing at all after 8pm ever.

9. I started doing some kind of work out from day one the pool I was far to big to do anything eles and it was like 2 a week no EXCUESE and from there I can do alot more so my goals change as I change.

10. I always carry salad dressing with me in my purse so I can use mine.

11. I take a picture ever week of myself to see the the change and they are all in my closet hanging up. I  will not be in denile of what I look like and I like to see how I have changed.

12. When people are taking pictures at some party i donr say just my head and after someone takes a picture I look and say well my eyes are open and I am changing.

So this is a part of my list. I think every week I add something to help me nothing that is going to kill me but ratherbring me back to life.

 

So this is the journey of my life in 2008 to find the best of me. I am thinking of you all and please if you have any tips ideas I love to hear some.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted By: ready2bme Add Comment | Comments (7) Top
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