motivation is hard to keep...
Thinking back to my prior weight I get really upset. I was in the 150s but I was able to fit in my size 9 or 11 pants. Right now I am less than 10 pounds heavier than that but I can't even try to fit in them. I also think about it and I thought I was "fat" at a size 10 and now according to my measurements I am a size 16 on top and a size 14 on the bottom...it makes me want to cry. It is so aggrivating that I let myself do this and it just confuses me how 10 pounds can make such a huge different and then weeks and weeks to get rid of, and who knows if I'll be able to fit back into my size 9s after I lose the ten pounds. I guess what it comes down to is that I'm scare that all my hard work wont even take me back to a place where I was a few months ago, a place where I thought I was fat but would kill to be back at now.
It's really hard being so angry at myself for letting myself just eat and eat and slack off simply because I was stressed out and unhappy with work and school. I fight with this, I have been good, eating better and exercising for at least an hour 6 days a week. Since I've started about 2 weeks ago Ive lost 5 pounds, lost 4 the first week and 1 this past week.
In addition I am supposed to be in a wedding this July, I was asked to be in it about a week and a half ago after I had already told myself I was going to get back in shape. Well problem is that now my friend is asking for my measurements since she is going to make the dresses herself. Apparently the sizes she sent are european sizes and this really didn't help my mood -- according to the measurements I am supposed to be a size 20 top and a size 16 bottom.
I'm feeling really discouraged, this is not good. I'm not really sure how to get myself back on track motivationwise. I just can't get past that I let myself creep up two clothing sizes and now I have to struggle to get somewhere that I wasnt happy with at the time. I calculated that if I were to lose 1.5 pounds per week that I would reach 125 pounds by July 17th. I would be so happy with that but it seems as if 1.5 pounds per week isnt going to happen and keeping the motivation while I am slowly plugging along is just really hard. If anyone has any suggestions on keeping motivation strong I would really appreciate it, its hard and I know I am not the only one who feels this way.
Anyway enough of my gloom and doom post. I have to go workout in 40 mins and figure out what I am going to do with myself. I hope everyone is doing well and hanging on.