Night shifts have once again come and gobbled me up. I've been coping as best I can, it just means my time for extra-curricular things tends to be limited. I say that, though I have also discovered the crack that is Facebook.
...back to pertinent ExtraPounds things...FOCUS!
Last week after w/i I was barely awake and only had one meal. It was a big one mind you, but still only one (bad me!). Then the next day was my massage, hair and other random errands day. I thoroughly enjoyed my Lebanese lunch, and everything else I ate was within what I should be having for my day. I have also managed to get all my workouts in for the week.
That said, having those 2 less than stellar days to immediately follow weigh in has had me behind the 8 ball and I will more than likely maintain tomorrow morning. I'm mostly ok with it. I have a bunch of other NSVs to be happy about. Last night I ran on the treadmill at work. It was the first time I actually ran since my race last year. The treadmill is definitely not my equipment of choice, but it was my best option from work. I also breezed through my spinning class tonight. I realized I am a lot more fit than I give myself credit for. Aside from still being relatively new to spinning, I realized I should probably be in a level 2 spinning class. The good news to that is, there are more intermediate and advanced spinning classes at my gym than there are beginner.
Sometimes I just wish the scale would match my efforts and other happy events. I may well be counting chickens before they hatch and I may grow to eat these words, but I know how the week has progressed thus far...
...Really, I do. Last night I show up to work in the hot pants and shirt uniform courtesy of my partner (aka the only thing I have to wear to work that is really in my size). I've worn them more than a few times since getting them back from the tailor, since I only have 3 pair of pants they get rotated in pretty frequently. So I'm toodling about the base at the start of the shift, starting on the unending mountain of paperwork, making the much needed first pot of coffee, etc. He takes one look at me and freaks out and declares that clearly I must have lost a lot since the last time he saw me (that would be less than 12 hours ago). I sheepishly look at him and remind him I have been consistently losing a bit here and there every week. I then remarked something about it's amazing how much leaner I look in clothes that actually fit me, and reminded him that the pants and shirt were from him. He then looked on, a little more shocked, and said I look better in his clothes than he does. I tend to agree
He's married. You'd think his wife would have taught him to be a little more observant of things by now. Adding to it all, I used to watch as he did sweet little things for his wife like deliver flowers to her salon before her appointments when she was getting her hair done and things like that. It made me think there were men other than DH who did awesome stuff for their wives. I guess my renewed faith can only go so far...
Tomorrow I go for the hot stone massage I've been planning for a while. DH and I will do lunch at my fav mediterranean place. Then it will be time for my hair appointment. I forgot how much more maintenance short hair needs. Somewhere in there I need to deal with the paperwork for my new laptop for payroll, and try to meet up with the stock guy (the regular jerk is on vacation, and his replacement, when you can catch him in the stock area, is a lot more generous with trading out uniforms).
I'll probably get DH to snap a few pix after it's all said and done. I realize I haven't necessarly lost a lot of pounds since Christmas, but I have definitely lost inches. Perhaps I'll even pull on the hawt pants for another pic to post, but I've preferred to keep my ambulance service anonymous. We shall see...
Today's milestone is brought to you by the number 80.
I'll save the bulk of my witty commentary for another post. Right now I'm just trying to let this all sink in. 80 pounds gone. It seems very surreal. I'm at a point where if I lost the same amount I already have, I'd look like Nicole Richie. I'm not sure I'd ever be willing to take such drastic measures to look so unhealthy.
Today was also measurements day. If you've followed my blog for any length of time, you'll know I track all of this as a reference point.
I had a great day, as always, scrapbooking this weekend. It was the first time in a wee bit that I didn't go with one of my girlfriends. The good news was I've been a part of the regulars there for the last 14 months so there were quite a few people there that I knew and could converse the day away with. So, while I missed my friend, I also really enjoyed getting to know some of these ladies better. It also made me want to get to know them better, but painfully aware of my own limitations.
I am dreadfully introverted, to a fault. It's almost bizarre I would bare so much of me in such a public forum. Though, while I blog, I am blissfully oblivious to the "open-ness" of me to the rest of the world. My painful shyness has been with me for years. Forget wanting the acceptance of others, it doesn't even enter into my realm of thoughts. Before I meet someone, anyone, I already have it decided in my head that for whatever reason they aren't going to like me - too weird, too opinionated, too different, too fat (though that one is diminishing and less and less prevalent), too busy, blah blah blah. I have so many perceived shortcomings that I tend to keep the bulk of my relationships at a distance. Not in fear of rejection, I have already rejected myself for them. In my armchair psychological analysis of me I wonder if part of my preconceived notions stem from my lack of acceptance of me physically, and that perhaps the underlying emotional shortcomings that allowed me to balloon and do nothing about it for a very long time are what are now holding me back in my personal relationships. It could also be from the bizarre work environment I come from where the gossip flies worse than a quilting bee, leaving me virtually paralyzed to do anything that could be fodder for the water cooler. I've lost touch with a lot of my HS and college friends in part due to geography (I moved to the other end of the burbs to be with DH and for my work), and out of complete embarassment of how much I had ballooned (prednisone hit right around finals so they missed the bulk of the rapid gain, followed by the other slow gain from moving to the suburbs and finding a dreadfully unhealthy commuting lifestyle).
I realize that in order to get to know people better I need to change. The rub lies in how really. I need to shed these silly notions and maybe allow myself to get a little closer to others and not be so shut off and guarded. Casual acquaintances are easy, taking that next step....not so much....
I was scrapbooking a page of myself with some of my girlfriends, which all seems fine and dandy and normal. But I realized there again I need to make more of an effort to be more sociable. I met them through DH, and I really need to step out of my comfort box if I want more of a friendship out of these relationships. I also looked on in horror at some of my old pix at how large I was, but that's beside the point (albeit relevant to a weight loss blog!).
All I wanted to do was smile as I thought of some wonderful old memories, which I did. I also opened a band-aid on an old wound...
I'm finally taking a bit of a breather and posting a quasi-normal post for a change. To say these last 2 weeks have been crazy would be an understatement at best. I've been doing a lot better about keeping my head above water and I'm tolerating the stress somewhat better. It's there, but I'm not ready to cry at the drop of a hat, or lash out at stupid little things - so I see that as progress! Baby steps! I've been working like a mad fiend. It's not necessarly a bad thing, it just means I need to be a lot better with time management and menu planning. It also means I have less time to go out and go shopping, but I'm learning ways around that too (she says as she anxiously awaits her order from the Apple store).
I'm still doing really well despite not having a weigh in this week. I may try to make this an all the time thing given I have been warring a bit with my centre director, and as far as I recall she doesn't work on Wednesday mornings. As I've already referred to my short temper, it's probably best I avoid triggers I just wish they'd fire her already really (not that I wish that sort of a drastic lifestyle change on anybody because it's a really shitty spot to be in, but she just causes so much strife to what was once a really happy family at my centre). Ideally, I'll just hit goal in the next few months and she just won't be my problem anymore.
I really want to go out and drink green beer on Saturday night. It's the first year in a long time that I've been of for St. Paddy's day and I think a cold green Kilkenny while listening to Danny Boy would go down incredibly well. Though, I'm not sure I could trust myself to stick to just one, much less avoid pub food in the process. I'm scheduled to be at scrapbooking for the day anyway, so that will probably help.
Thanks to all for bearing with me in my rant. It started around when my stress did and I was getting irked by some of what I saw here, and it was probably amplified by a bunch of dramatic crap that was going on over at my scrapbooking message boards (hard to believe it would be a dramatic place, but trust me it is). Suffice to say I've stepped away from those boards and am back to just lurking rather than succumbing to message board trolls. Either way I think all of it together pushed me to a "can't we all just get along" state.
Last thing... Some have mentioned in past posts about pix. I really haven't taken many, nor updated in a long time because my scale numbers really aren't that different from where I was in December and I think the lack of change could be a touch depressing. I could well be wrong because I've heard many people say they went through the most drastic physical changes in the last half of their journey and my inches have decreased, so we shall see. I need to take a bunch for the album I'm doing next month, so perhaps one or two will find their way here.
Have a great weekend everyone. I've mostly caught up with everyone I think (one way or the other). We can do this! We are all strong!
A disturbing trend has been emerging a lot around here lately and I can’t say as I fully understand it.I’ve been reading a lot of posts, and then comments to subsequent posts where people feel the need to bash others choice of diet plans in a “my plan is better than your plan” fashion.To me, it begs the question, why?!?!At the end of the day, there is good and bad to almost every program out there, and just because something works for one, it may not fit into somebody else’s lifestyle.I think a lot of the bashing stems from a lack of awareness on the part of the posters because they may not be familiar with the program – or on a flipside those who “know” it but weren’t successful in it.Call me crazy, but how can you rightly preach to someone about how horrible their program is when you know very little about it yourself?And just because you failed in the program, feel free to have an opinion, we are all entitled, but acknowledge more that the plan was not compatible with you, and it is not necessarily the fault of the plan, or you for that matter.
It should come as no surprise that my chosen plan of JC gets bashed the most, and a lot of the times most unjustly (and for some reason I've grown to take it very personally and feel the need to defend myself and why JC works for me).I’ve seen more than an eyeful of posts that suggest you learn nothing on this program.Allow me to differ.People will learn from a program what they wish to take out of it, which is a flaw in a person, not the program itself.You can choose to join JC, eat packaged meals, but not take the extra steps to learn about exchanges and making the changes to work in your own reality beyond the program, and yes flounder when the hand-holding ends.You can also join WW and learn that 20 mins on the treadmill will earn you enough AP’s for a donut.And quite frankly, that doesn’t solve the problem either.Regardless, neither is a fault within the program, but that of the user.Sure JC is a program that functions on pre-packaged meals, but let’s digest this a little further shall we?Those pre-packaged meals are lessons in portion control for starters.They are also lessons in what a nutritionally balanced meal should look like.To me, they’ve been lessons in modifying some of my old favourites into far healthier alternatives i.e. I’ve learned ways to substitute things like soy alternative meats into some every day dishes I’ve made in the past based on them being used in the entrees, and last weekend I made amazing cinnamon raisin French toast from eggwhites and deliciously healthy bread – and instead of making up a huge batch, I knew what an appropriate portion size was, and we had precisely that, no more, no less.I’ve spent the last 8 months of my life existing on a 50/50 split of their food and my own and I still continue to lose.As for the argument about the preservatives in the food, I think it’s weak at best.I think it’s a safe assumption that none of us came to join JC from living a life feasting on organic baby greens, quinoa and steamed fish.Some preservatives are a far cry better than our previous diets, without a doubt.Are they perfect? No.Is there room for improvement? Always.Is it better than where we came from and at least provide structure and eliminate some required guesswork?Absolutely.
Moving on then to the manuals...The program was developed by dieticians, physicians and nutritionists and is based on diabetic food exchanges.JC does provide you with manuals on how to learn how to calculate the exchanges in your every day life.If someone chooses to avoid the responsibility for their own health, I fail to see how the plan failed them if they were provided with the proper tools for their success.Clearly, it is more the result of someone not ready and willing to make the proper lifestyle changes required, and use the tools given to them, and were hoping for some sort of magic bullet to make the changes for them.They’re no different than those who fill their daily points allowances with nutritionally terrible choices.
On to the consults…Yes, you meet with someone who should know the program, and are able to answer basic program questions.It’s all about expectation.If you want a counsellor, pay the extra money and find yourself one.If you want a dietician, again, pay the extra money and find yourself one.Seeing them as anything more than a cheerleader in your corner that gives you some semblance of accountability and motivation week after week is just wrong.If you want someone to explain why you aren’t losing when you spend more time off the program than on, you are clearly barking up the wrong tree.Do I need to see Carm every week?No, but I appreciate the little kick in the pants she gives week after week for me to press on and keep going.And should anything crop up, she can call the nutrition department for me and perhaps find more answers than I may be able to on my own.It’s funny though, because WW leaders are those who have been successful within the program, so it really isn’t all that different, save a group format for having these meetings.If they happen to be dieticians or anything like that beyond their WW life, it is coincidental.
How does this all fit in with me?Well, I picked JC because the fact of the matter is, more times than not I simply don’t have the time to meal plan and cook, not to mention I don’t overly like cooking.If I was on a plan that required exclusive weekly meal planning and cooking I’d have long been off the wagon and back to my old ways.My danger zones always were and will always be my working days where I have to worry about lunches, and not picking up whatever random garbage while out and on the road, and then coming home.After being up for 15 hours, coming home to cook is unfathomable, and again far easier to just pick up whatever horrible take out I happened to pass on the way home.My schedule is too busy to commit to going to group meetings, so being able to schedule weigh-ins when they are convenient to me is also important.
So, lambaste and flame me all you wish for having a busy life and needing a little help to get me through and keep on a path towards living a healthier and happier life.I’ll probably always need something like a JC shelf stable for the days I work.Me, I’m proud of myself for not only learning where I am at risk for falling down, but for putting in the appropriate safeguards to keep it from happening.More importantly, it works for me, and within the life I’ve chosen to live.At the end of the day I am accountable to me, I have chosen to learn what I need to ensure this is a lasting lifestyle change, and I continue to deliver results.Telling me I have learned nothing, well, is blatantly ignorant for starters, but really just shows you don’t know me at all and should not be passing judgement.
Be proud of the plan you’ve chosen, and if you have been successful, be even more proud, because you’ve earned it.Better still, clearly you have chosen a plan that works within your lifestyle that you are able to sustain, and if it’s not working, press on and find something that is compatible with who you are and how you can live.There is no magic bullet or secret formula; you are the one who needs to do the dirty work to make your losses happen.The Masters in Thin for Life ultimately all wound up creating a plan that worked best for them. More proof that dieting isn’t a precise science, and that a cookie cutter approach won’t work.The only plans I find fault with are those that are not nutritionally sound, like a Dr. Bernstein that is 800 cals a day and requires injections to get proper nutrition, or those that completely eliminate a food group, or are filled with nothing but supplements, foreign chemicals and false promises but provide little in terms of lifestyle modification.
I know this has been terribly verbose and somewhat repetitive already but…***Edited to add in***
I acknowledge there is a healthier way of eating than where I’m at now.I may or may not ever get there.What I do know, is that eating a reasonably healthy pre-packaged meal at 165ish pounds is a far cry better than eating fast food at 240ish pounds.I think anyone choosing to make a healthier choice, be it in food or exercise should be commended rather than chided and told they can do better.Health is a continuum and while we all may be committed to taking steps towards being healthier, the top end of the spectrum is a very difficult place to be in 100% of the time, if not impossible.I would easily bet anyone wanting to jump right to that stage is setting themselves up for easy failure.One must learn to crawl before they can walk, run, or soar.
This week has probably marked my longest vanishing act from Extrapounds since I joined. Thanks to all who have checked in on me, and sorry to all of you that I have failed to check in with (which is absolutely everyone). It's been a busy week, but I've also withdrawn from a lot in life. I've had no real interest in being here, or worrying too much about my own or anyone else's journeys. I've been in total avoidance of a scrapbooking message board I used to love, but now just have no time for the cattiness and pettyness of the place. I did some scrapbooking last weekend, but at times it was hard to put my head in the game and be creative. I'll give a bit of an update on my last week...
My life stresses aren't gone, and aren't likely to be gone for a while. As long as my "situation" continues as status quo, things will really only get worse. Suffice to say I'm dealing with an unexpected imposed life change, and I inherently resist change, and this type of change is enough to scare the pants off me (because of who I am and what I've grown up with). So, I waver between moments of optimism and thinking everything will all work out and likely for the better, to complete and total doom and gloom throughout each day. And I have no direct control over the outcome either, which is quite troublesome to the control freak in me. So, until all the changes are done, I don't forsee me feeling much better (and fearing the worst if this drags on into the summer).
Eating has been mostly fine, save for my weekly planned splurge dinner. They really have been helping my losses. This week despite everything I still managed to be down 1 at weigh in. I was less good about hitting the gym, mostly out of exhaustion from my own mental stresses. I've been better now a week later, and upgraded my membership at my gym. DH joined the local co-ed gym in the same chain as my women's only, so I upgraded so I could join him on occasion, and so I could take spinning classes etc. I went to my first spinning class since upgrading last night. I almost opted out of it because I've been to some of the instructors regular aerobics classes and she is horrible (doesn't cue things up well, doesn't mix things up well, etc.). Well, she is a fantastic spinning instructor, so I'm glad I gave her the chance (mostly because I realized cueing and her other issues are less important in spinning). I think I'll try to add one spinning class a week to my routine. Step is still my first choice, but I did actually enjoy the spinning. Oddly enough, the spinning class I did in Mexico was tougher, but I'll stick at the first level to build my comfort.
This week I did take in some retail therapy across the border. I had been kicking myself about not buying 2 pair of shoes while I was in Michigan. I bought one pair online last week, and this week I ventured across the border to source out the other pair. I didn't exactly stop there. I added in a watch that I also saw in Michigan but opted not to buy and regretted it ever since I've been home. I added in a pair of jeans, because my fav pair is now too big, and the smaller pair I first bought I don't seem to like all that much. It seems I'm becoming very jean finicky in my shrinking state. I also picked up an awesome Roxy hoodie to complete the full look. I felt great pulling all the new stuff on to smuggle across the border while I left my larger or less desirable things State-side.
My kittie is doing better after her first vet issues, however new ones have surfaced this week. Hopefully DH can get her in to be seen over the next few days. This is a quick and easy fix and an old problem she's had in the past so I'm not too upset, just slightly worried about her level of discomfort - which has so far been seemingly non-existent.
So, onward and downward. I won't be going to weigh in next week because I'm genuinely too busy. I took an overtime shift the day before, and the day I normally weigh in I need to take DH to an appointment an hour away. Then back to work for regular shifts, and before I know it, it's Friday and my next weigh in after that would be Wednesday (so just too few days in between to really make sense). I'm not worried about keeping on track nor the accountability. I know I'll be fine. I'll just keep turtle-ing along and the pieces will all eventually fall where they should.
The fabled post is coming. Ironically it is a bit of a rebuttal to Sara's, however I've been planning it a while before she posted hers, and it's definitely about me getting a bunch of things off my chest. I want to do a few small edits, I just couldn't wrap my head around that either. Perhaps tonight...
Hi everyone. I just wanted to pop in and say a communal quick hello to anyone who has been reading and offered support over the last few days. I've tried to catch up with most of you, and I know there are still some of you outstanding that I need to catch up with and thank personally. I will do that over the next little bit. While it's not a great excuse, I've been dealing with a lot of personal stress that started Tuesday after weigh in and has just continued from there. I'm exhausted, I've barely been sleeping, I've been walking around in a bit of a zombie state just going through the motions. I've tossed work outs out the door until tomorrow afternoon. Last night I could barely eat just from lack of appetite mixed with all I wanted to do was sleep on any semblance of downtime. My lunch bag came home almost as full as it was when it left the house. On occasion I've wanted to stress eat, but thankfully I've been able to talk myself down from the ledge every time. The dialogue somewhat follows this pattern...
"I want this horrible for me food. What will that accomplish to eat that, it will only put you back to square one. You're already afraid of being pulled from your diet why make things worse on yourself? But it's yummy, and I want it and I haven't had it in so long, so what could just once hurt? Are you really hungry or do you want it just for the sake of wanting it? Well, I'm really only a little hungry, so I'll settle on this small snack of either my daily chocolate or a single JC gingerbread to tide me over and I'll be fine."
Anyways, you get the idea, and yes I am truly insane. I will catch up with those that I've missed over the next little bit. I want to be as good of a support as I can be, but right now I need to worry about supporting me first. I do have a bit of a controversial post sitting on my desktop waiting to be posted. I will probably put it up over the weekend and let the chips fall where they may. It is only my opinion, and it is my blog, and I do have conviction to stand behind what I have said. So consider yourselves warned that a long, controversial, opinionated post is on it's way soon....
Yes, February 27 of 2006 I made my first post here at ExtraPounds. On that day I weighed in at 216.2 pounds, and an even 25 pounds lost. I suspect that in the morning I will probably post a 1 pound anyway loss at weigh in, which will bring me to a little over 75 pounds lost - though of course I will update for 100% accuracy. While 50 pounds lighter is definitely something to be proud of, in my head I know I technically lost more than 50 because I took 3 vacations and gained back roughly 15 pounds that I had to lose again. I know, foolish math on my part, but still, they were setbacks both self-induced, and overcome in that time.
I have defied my own personal odds, and did reach my 100 gym visits in 1 year goal. I've gone from stumbling through beginner aerobics, to loving the heck out of my intermediate classes, considering trying an advanced class that looks like fun, and finding basic step boring - but I go anyway because I love step. I've gone from eeking out 20 minutes on a treadmill at 3.5, and dying on an Arc after 5 gruelling minutes, to 45 minutes on the Arc on an awesome hill interval that perpetually varies my incline and resistance, and rarely does my regime include a treadmill. I've gone from being one of the fattest in my aerobics classes and hiding in the back, to being one of the leaner people, and loving being up front because there is more room to move because everyone is too afraid to step forward. I have run in my first 2k race, but the status of my running career is currently unknown, but the point is, I did it dambit! Most importantly, beyond the progress, is that I kept going and bucked my past trends of joining, going a bunch for the first month, to once a month, to never, but keep letting the payments come out because I might go back someday...
Weightloss wise, in that year, I also reached onederland, and managed to celebrate that milestone twice actually, and the first time was definitely better), I reached halfway (another one I celebrated more than once), and I'm just pounds away from being at my college start weight, and out of my prednisone weight. I've grown to be able to handle having a scale in my house, and most days it only gets a visit from me once first thing in the morning for my fabled BAN. Though when I work nights I love to take a twice daily only because it amuses the crap out of me how different the weights are after a little bit of sleep. If only I could find a way to patent some sort of lose weight while sleeping miracle, not only would I be at goal, but I'd be rich, and live much like my kitties do (a secret goal I think...Bethany may have hated her cat life, but a little affection, a little warmth, as much sleep as I could possibly want, some time to play, having people feed me when I bug them enough, and delighting in something so simple as a patch of sun on the carpet - I really think they have the right idea and take Diva life to the extreme).
The only real downside, is I know I could have reached goal by now (if not for those Mexi-pounds). It's not something I'd really change for the world, because they were much needed times out of life to recharge and refuel my batteries - just an observation if you will. I am by no stretch an overachiever, nor an angel, just an every day woman, living in the world, maintaining a demanding career and a house and a husband and 2 of the best cats a girl could ask for. I am a woman, however, who has lost 50 pounds in the last year, and is leaps and bounds healther than she was a year ago, but not as healthy as she will be by this time next year.
I have successfully retrieved the hawt pants! I wore them to work last night and felt like I looked amazing - well, let me rephrase... I felt I looked as amazing as I could given that it is an ambulance uniform after all. I got a bit of confirmation on how good I looked when I made it home this morning and I saw the look on DH's face when he finally got a good look at me. Sadly, it just makes me want more pairs of hawt pants!
However, my kittie took to being a bit sick and needing a vet visit yesterday, and I really have no idea if she'll need more vet visits. So, in rushing to the vet it meant that I couldn't make it to the cleaners to get my other uniform. But no matter, if I should get vomitted on or worse tonight, it may force my lack of uniforms issue with the powers that be. Sad that it comes to that, but what can I do. I've paid out of pocket for something they are supposed to provide and haven't been, and I'm not willing to make concessions anymore, since they aren't making any for me.
I had a beautiful BAN drop today to 164.0. I hope I can at a minimum maintain that going into Tuesday's weigh in. But who am I kidding, if the weight loss gods want to grant me a bigger loss I'll happily take it. I mean, really, who am I to look a gift horse in the mouth? 3 gym visits left to my massage, and I think I'll do those over Sunday to Tuesday. The plan is to hit the Arc for tomorrow, Step on Monday and Tuesday, because I haven't been to a step class in eons! And then....massssssaaaaagggggeeeeeee! Now I'll just need to look for more incentives like that going into March and beyond. I see shoes in my future....
