The Journey Continues...

...or in reality, it never really ends.  Let's face it, this is an every day choice, an every meal, an every action (or lack thereof) decision.

So, it's been over a year and a half.  Where have I been, what have I been doing?

In true to me fashion I've been traveling of course.  I've been to 2 different parts of Cuba, multiple trips to Boston, multiple trips to Mexico, Arizona (and returning again this summer), Chicago, and I'm sure I'm forgetting some of my other adventures.  Suffice to say, some things about me don't change.

Last summer we finally listed and sold our house.  It was only on the market for 24 hours and we got 98% of asking.  We bought a new house and moved into said new house.

I flirted with a new diet plan and it worked.  That said, it was very difficult to stick to, but it was a great tool to lose weight and keep me in check.  I was maintaining well until last August - right around when the house was listing and selling, a trip, and the stress that came with buying new (because that transaction was far from smooth).  Then came another trip to Mexico, and I still hadn't lost my Arizona/house deal fat.  Then we get home, to move soon after - and a lot of dining out ensued.  Christmas rolls around, another Mexico trip, and I've barely lost the previous Mexico fat, but not the Arizona fat.

So - that brings us to January.  I was frustrated the weight wasn't coming off, but I wasn't diligent about it either.  It seems my good friend willpower abandoned me somewhere along the way.  With him, he took my other companion determination.  So there I was, up 20 from goal, arrogant in my belief that I could lose it if I really tried, but I wasn't trying.  The move took me further from my gym so I had plenty of excuse now not to go.  And the ones that were closer to home for me I didn't really like, again more reason not to go.  I took up running, but I didn't run as much as I used to go to the gym.  The upside is already this year I've completed 2 10k runs, and 1 10miler.  I'm considering signing up for a 15k that is right before I leave for Arizona but I'm a bit unsure.  I have signed up for my first half marathon, but that isn't until next May, so I have 10 months to either prepare, or talk myself out of it.  I'm not sure which side of me will win at this point.. ;)

So here we are today, I'm barely home from my last 10k run, and the one I found by far the toughest so far because of the crazy north-eastern heatwave.  I'm up 28lbs from goal.  I've returned to Jenny because I need the accountability of someone to answer to, because right now answering to myself isn't enough. I've been living in total self loathing.  I'm extremely disappointed with myself for being this apathetic.  My last few pictures don't lie, I'm getting fat again and I'm not happy about it.  Enough is enough.  It's time to get my act together and make it happen.  And I'm not leaving any unfinished business on the table this time.

When I selected my first goal weight, it was a weight I could remember being at in my teens as a skater.  I know it's still high for my height range, but it was attainable, it was something I could envision, and it was still a lot to lose from my start point.  It's time I started believing I was capable of more.  If I could pull off 91.2, surely more is well within my grasp, whether I remember being that size or not.  I've come to learn there is no rush, no timeline, it will happen for me, as long as I never ever give up.  As I fought through my last race I knew that quitting and not finishing were not options for me - I was finishing it no matter what.  I need to take that same strong silent inner determination and apply it to shedding the pounds I shouldn't have.  To apply a run analogy, this is a marathon not a sprint... except this marathon truly needs to last a lifetime for me.

I make no promises how long I'll be back to blogging.  I make no promises about how good a blog buddy I'll be.  I do promise to be honest with myself, and accountable to myself.  And that is truly what is most important, my promise is to me, to see this through, to an acceptable BMI, to dream and achieve grandiose dreams (of being petite).  I can do this.  I will do this.  I am strong enough.  I am worth it.  Quitting and giving up are not options.  It's time to do this, again, for me.  I had this fire before, and it's sparking and smoldering again..time to breathe some life into the flames...