05/06/2010 12:01
Here....
EP won't load at work this week and been really busy.
TOM finally arrived this week.
Does anyone else get that wonderful day the day before TOM where you feel fabulous? My hormones must align perfectly that day. I am always happy and energetic and efficient and organised. I love it! Of course it only lasts a day, but if I was like that all the time I would probably not appreciate it!
Life is good, if Ian had full time work it would be close to perfect!
Weight loss plans all on hold due to my complete lack of interest... but it will happen one day!
Posted By: raspberrycordial
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05/03/2010 02:10
My mood...
Thank you for your supportive comments on my weekend blogs.
I do want to say that I actually have the most wonderful family. My feelings were much more about me than them.
I am one of the luckiest people I know in regards to family (and everything actually). I have a brother and a sister and 2 birth parents that I am really close to. Added to that are 2 step sisters, 5 step brothers, a step mother and a step father all whom I adore. Some of my family have partners and I have 3 nieces and a nephew (mostly belonging to my step family) who give me great joy. I even get along with my in-laws!
There is not a person amongst that group that I wouldn’t choose if I had to ‘choose my family’.
I am not saying that my entire family is perfect (some of you read my blogs after boxing day!) but I would not swap them.
Right now my mood (and my blogs) are impacted by the following:
-
Hormones (TOM is more than 2 weeks late)
-
Herpes (makes me really tired, ergo grumpy and prone to moodiness)
-
My cold which is still here two weeks later
-
And Ian and I think on Saturday night I managed to ingest some gluten which always impacts my mood!
So please take my whining in that context and ignore it :p
Oh and to respond to Heather: yes my TOM is often late. A 28 day cycle is the exception, not the rule, and I have been known to go 10 weeks at the worst. The joys of having PCOS and not being on the pill. So it is quite normal for me, it does mess up my moods though!
Posted By: raspberrycordial
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05/02/2010 01:54
The facts behind the irrationality
I realised this last night... what really upset me is that last night drove home a few things:
As much as Dad loves me, and as wonderfully as I get on with the step family, for the past 20 years he has lived with them. They are involved in his daily life. My step mum is very family orientated and has her kids around most weekends. I see my Dad often but it is more formally arranged than us just dropping in. I noticed a few years ago that my step brothers and sisters even see my aunts cousins and uncles more than I do because of that. It is just fact. They lived with Dad for many of the past 20 years, I visited.
I don't have sought after skills. Don't get me wrong, I know I am very good at my job and many things, but they are not skills that are in demand. Not like being a pastry chef. And nobody will ask me to do a speech because I cry when I give emotional ones.
I spent 6 years overseas in my 20's (1993 - 1999) then went back again in 2007. That has impacted so many of my relationships with both family and friends and they are only just starting to rebuild. In time I will feel more connected.
I have been feeling disconnected anyway. I need to make an effort to visit people more or have them over here. I have talked about making new friends, but to be honest I probably just need to make better friends with my family.
So there it is. The facts behind my feelings of exclusions. It is not anyones fault. I just need to accept the reality and work on building stronger relationships if it is important to me.
Oh and I know all my family loves me. That was never in doubt. I also know they would hate that I felt excluded. It would never have been intentional. There was not a lot required for last nights party. It was catered and the decorations were mainly just hanging streamers amongst the balloons. I just need to get over myself!!
Posted By: raspberrycordial
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05/01/2010 16:01
Irrational feelings
This is irrational. I know that. I can't even tell Ian cos I know it is stupid.
We were at Dad's 60th tonight and it was a great night.
But I have this feeling of sadness.
My brother made a speech, my sister provided cake, chocolates and desserts, my step mum and step sister helped organise the party and did the decorations.
I did nothing but turn up.
And for me, who loves to help, to organise, to be involved... that hurts.
And I offered. I asked several times and even offered specifically to help decorate.
I feel excluded and I know that is crazy.
But it is how I feel and I can share that with you guys without you judging me....
Posted By: raspberrycordial
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05/01/2010 00:36
PS
I never posted the long blog... I wrote it at work in a word document and realised it was all crazy talk before I posted it!
Posted By: raspberrycordial
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04/30/2010 13:50
Well..
I wrote a long blog this morning about how I feel. It involved diving boards and choices and fear.
Then I realised TOM is 2 weeks late.
And that explains my more than normal oddness of mood.
Posted By: raspberrycordial
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04/27/2010 03:15
Tuesday Already?
Still got sore throat. Got asked Friday if I was going to get a job as a phone sex person!
It was a long weekend for us (Anzac Day) and it was busy!
Saturday – birthday BBQ for 2 year old nephew and 4year old niece
Sunday – birthday BBQ for 4 year old nephew
Monday – party for DH’s 40th at our house. Only about 25 people
Scattered throughout were work requests, emails and phone calls.
Tomorrow is DH’s actual birthday so going out for dinner.
This weekend is Dad’s 60th party Saturday night and Aunt’s birthday event on Sunday.
I lost weight last week. I lost more weight in the last 2 weeks since I decided to give up on WW for a while than I have in weeks. I am sure my cold has something to do with that.
This part is quite personal. But I think I need to say it. I have herpes. There. It’s out there. When I get an outbreak I feel dirty! I hate it. I have been on preventative medication for years. But I lost my last prescription and since it requires special authorisation I decided to try and go without. After 10 years most people stop getting outbreaks and it has been 15. I lasted a month. Good news is the outbreak is on my backside so I have just put a big bandaid over it so I don’t have to worry about me or DH accidentally touching it. I stress about giving it to him. Anyway, I now have to see my doctor and confess I lost the prescription and get a new one. I hate that.
So all in all I feel like… well I am sure you can imagine! Guilty, tired, stressed, sick….
Posted By: raspberrycordial
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04/22/2010 15:45
Me being odd?
I have a sore throat and don't want to talk. Somehow that includes typing.
Thinking lots.
Writing little.
I am sure to make up for it (plus some) when my throat feels better!
Posted By: raspberrycordial
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04/18/2010 01:27
Where am I at?
Where am I at?
I am collecting myself. It’s the best way to describe how I feel.
I felt very scattered and messy
the past few months.
Bit by bit I am getting myself
back in order.
I am also trying to make a
decision.
WW works but I don’t stick with
it.
Eating only when hungry also
works for me but I have had trouble in the past with ‘impulse control’ and
emotional eating. But I have not tried
this approach since I started with my ADD medication. This approach appeals to me a LOT more than
WW. But I worry it is a cop out. I feel like it is not a diet so it can’t
work.
I am thinking I should find the
hypnotherapy CD’s from when I saw a psychologist who believes 100% in the ‘not
dieting’ approach and claimed a 75% success rate. Maybe now that I am on the ADD meds I should give
this approach another try? They suggested
3 months scale free while taking this approach as it can take practice to get
it right. Not sure about that.
I also have lots of information
from Dr Rick Kausman who wrote “If not dieting, then what” and has had lots of
success.
I think my goals for this week are:
·
Do floor work 3
times
·
Listen to the
hypnotherapy CD’s
·
Read the ‘if not
dieting’ book
·
See what the scales
say next Saturday
Posted By: raspberrycordial
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04/17/2010 00:41
Quickie
WI at home this morning. Usually my home scales BAN are about the same as the WW ones dressed.
Cancelling WW for the moment. Will WI at home and see how I go.
I can follow WW without meetings if I decide to.
Or I can subscribe again.
I have a few weeks left on my subscription anyway.
Off now to shopping then hair dressers then movies with DH.
Have a good Saturday!
Posted By: raspberrycordial
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