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Ok.
It seems universally accepted that after 2 months off the pill your hormones settle back down.
So I am relaxing until after Christmas.
Eat what I want, be as active as I want.
Jan 1st.
2009.
The year that I turn 39.
That gives me 29 days to get my head and hormones right.
Enough even for me.
And guess what?
Every other time I have given myself 'time off' i have lost weight!
Today I am grateful:
In 3 weeks (since Nov 10th) I have put on 2.1kg (4.7lb).
That would be the three weeks since I decided to really focus on weight loss.
That would be the three weeks that I ate chocolate like it was about to be made extinct.
That would be 3 weeks since I went off the pill.
My hormones are... well rabid!
I cry ALL the TIME! I eat everything. I eat til I feel ill.
I cried on Sunday for these "reasons":
I have a new before and 'virtual' after photo!
What I COULD have looked like on my wedding day if I had bothered to lose weight!
Right now I am angry.
Hopefully that will translate to inspired!
PS - Ian thinks I should not have used my wedding photo - but I knew that image would have the biggest impact.
PPS - thank you GCQMum for sharing the link!
I know what works. I know what works for me. I know why I want to become slim.
I can't seem to make the transition from knowledge to action for more than a day or two.
The times I have successfully lost weight in the past 11 years:
And right now I weight about 6kg less than my highest ever weight. About 4kg less than my weight on Jan 1st this year.
Well.
What can I say.
My hormones are a NIGHTMARE since coming off the pill.
I sat in a bath last night and sobbed for NO reason!
And I have eaten so much chocolate I felt sick last night.
So....
Onto the good news....
I finished my christmas shopping this morning!
Ohh and I submitted a photo on the site GCQMum found.... I am hoping seeing myself 50lbs thinner will be inspiring rather than tear inducing... or at the least both!
I did it! It was kind of accidental! I got busy at work... we didn't go to any shops since I got home. A choc free day!
It was also exercise free... well I did walk at lunch when I went to buy my brothers christmas present, but it was only 3 blocks each way!
Happy girl.
PS - today I am grateful for everything!
I got a lot further today than Sunday. Still only 15 mins out of 37! But improving.
And I ate less chocolate. None at work.
Today was a good day!
Oh my grateful list:
I ate 3 chocolate bars yesterday.
Breakfast: cereal with skim milk and sugar (we are out of splenda)
Snack: muesli bar
Lunch: 3 cooked tuna sushi rolls
(this is where it goes wrong)
Snack: 55g choc bar (I was feeling really sleepy and just caved)
Snack: cherry ripe 55gm choc bar
Dinner: pork fillet (very lean), baked potato with low fat cream cheese, peas, gravy, apple sauce
Snack: cherry ripe 55gm choc bar
I just read Fiona's post (the other Fiona lol) and thought about my wake up call. So I opened word and just let it all flow. Here are the results.... totally unedited....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wake up call…
My wake up call is probably typical of me… I press snooze most mornings from 6:15 (first alarm) until 7am when I get up. That gives me 40 minutes. I also have a back up alarm that goes off at 7:20. That is the quick shower, throw on clothes, no breakfast or makeup and still get to work on time alarm.
So I don’t have a “moment”. I have a build up of moments.
Here are some of them from the past month or so:
Being an obese bride
Plane rides with my 170kg husband where between us we really need 3 seats for comfort
Tanning beds and realising that when I lay down I have huge folds of fat and therefore my tan has white patches. Even though I was naked. Big white patches.
Reading a story of a woman who lost 85kg. Crying. She lost nearly three times what I need to lose. She did it.
Buying summer clothes and choosing between wearing tents and showing my fat rolls.
Feeling disgusted with myself
Hiding my eating (I pour the chocolate buds into my coffee cup on my desk at work and hope nobody notices me scoffing them)
Reading an article in my slimming magazine about a guy who basically says ‘no excuses, you are fat, you did it, you fix it’
Loving exercise but not doing it
Realising I am still a scaredy cat when it comes to being slim
Realising I am not sure I want babies
I am not sure I want babies
Oh dear.
I am 38.
Yes I want babies.
I am not sure we can have them.
I am not sure I will cope if we do everything right and we can’t have them.
Oh dear, now teary and I am at work.
I do want babies.
I need to lose weight if I do OR don’t have babies.
I need to lose weight
I want to lose weight
I WILL lose weight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I feel like that was a little breakthrough. I kind of knew my chocolate scoffing was fear induced. I was worried it was fear about having a baby. Now I know it is fear of not being able to I can deal with that. And separate it from my eating.
I am literally going to take this one day at a time. Today will be chocolate free. Tonight I have my first dance lesson.
Tomorrow I will worry about tomorrow!
