And my sister sent me a link to www.coolrunning.com that has a plan for "Couch to 5k Running Plan" to get me started on the right track.
Here is the gist of it:
Sounds like a pretty good plan to me - BUT, and I know this may be hard to believe, at one point in time - I was a runner. (Yes, I know. Craziness!) And I know that unless you have absolutely no setbacks, getting to this point in 9 weeks is damn near impossible. But, it's okay and I've got more time than that. I am going to double up all the weeks and see if I can get there by 18 weeks instead. I've got bad knees from HS basketball and I don't want to push it.
So that puts me at.....let's see....getting to 3 miles in the first few weeks of August. That sounds doable. (By the end of May certainly does not! ;)
So my goal right now is just to try and do this. Not to lose weight, not to diet - just to concentrate on this for now and be sensible about the other things until I get this down to habit.
I'm sorry. I have no excuses. Txlass, KillerHair07, Joyous, Rach HS, Brelee, Janet, and everyone else who was cheering me on... I'm back and I'm going to face up to my bad, bad behavior!
Whenever this happens I do the same thing. I start a plan, a lifestyle change, a diet - whatever you want to call it - and if anything at all sets me back I use it as a chance to say "Oh man! I am SOO busy! I don't have time for this right now in my life!" and I just let the whole thing go. I have to realize that I will ALWAYS be busy and that's never going to change.
There have been a few things floating around in my head - first off, I gained. Again. I'm up to 251.8. Ugh. I have been letting myself totally roll with whatever food I see in front of my face....and then some.
Second - I am out of clothes. Nothing fits me! For easter I had to go find a new blouse to wear (That is one of the drawbacks of being super casual at work - you have no dress clothes). And I couldn't go to any of the regular stores. Not even WalMart had anything remotely wearable that fit. I had to go to the mall and look for the 'fat girl' stores. Now, I've shopped at them before because of my boobs - but this time was the worst experience I ever had. I usually wear the size 1x and they tend to be too large in the waist. But this time - I had trouble finding a size 3x. I knew I hadn't been shopping in a long time, but this is crazy! I had one of those moments there when you REALLY see what you look like just for a second in the mirror. It wasn't pretty. I am a mess.
And last, but most important, is my Doodle. I try to put a lot of things in Harpers life that are routine that she can count on. At night I sing her the same song and say the same things before I put her to bed; when I put her in the car I kiss her nose and tell her I love her; and at night, after she has her bath, I wrap her in a towel and have her say 'hi' to the little girl in the mirror. Okay, this is the end of the day and my hair is usually a mess, I've been splashed, and I probably have food splattered on me somewhere. But every night when we do this ritual - I don't look forward to it. I look in the mirror and i look like a fat 40 year old. I look SO much older when I let myself look this way.
And the worst thing of all, I know it's coming. The big one. The worst thing in the world that I'm going to hear and it's going to totally break my heart. The day when Harper turns to me with total childlike innocence and say,
"Mommy? Why do you have such a fat belly?"
I know that all of you have had this happen to you at some point. A nephew or a friends child, or maybe some random kid in a store says, "Why are you so fat?" and you don't know how to respond to that. You know they are just a kid and they don't mean anything by it. But when a kid says it - you know it's there. It's not that 5 pound bulge that only you can see. It's your butt, and it's huge, and everyone sees it.
But if Harper says this to me, it will be different. For me, that would be the instant that she stops looking at me the way she looks at me now. When she stares into my face at night when I am rocking her to sleep she sees me as the most perfect, wonderful, beautiful person in the universe. And if she says that, that means she sees a flaw in me and that not everyone sees me the same way she used to.
I don't know. Maybe I'm thinking too much of it. But I need to find something that can break through this addiction. I'm signing my sister and I up for a 5k run at Disney World in January. Susie is already in shape and running about 2 miles a day. I told her that I would buy her ticket and pay her registration if she agreed to do it with me.
So I've got to get going. I've got 9 months to get to a point where I can run 3 miles without stopping. And I've got to dedicate myself to it! I've got to get back to work now - but I'll write more of my plan tonight and let you know what I need to do.
Sorry I have been such a slacker! It's been a really busy week with both work and at home, so I haven't had a lot of time to write. (And I don't have much time now either!) But I though I would show you guys something you might find cool...
About a year ago I started a new hobby - cake decorating! Yes, I know - not the best thing for someone who is trying to lose weight, but I only make them for big parties. I don't make them just to eat at home. Here's a few of my cakes:
Harper's birthday cake I did last weekend:
It's a lot of fun - but a lot of work too. I would say that one cake takes me about 8 to 10 hours from start to finish.
Well, thank goodness I rode out that wave. Terry and I have been doing Tae Bo a few times this week to try to get more active and when we first started I went up like 3 pounds overnight, then the next day I was all the way back up to my starting weight! But then this morning I was back down to 247 - not great by any means, but at least all that gain must have been from water and I'm on my way back down again. :)
The whole time that we've been trying to get on track I've been wondering to myself - why can't I eat healthy foods?
It's not like I'm trying to live on like 800 calories a day or anything, so eating my goal calorie count of around 1500 to 1800 shouldn't be that big of a deal right? So why can't I seem to pick foods that are better for me if that calorie range fills me up?
I guess the first obvious answer is that healthy food tastes like crap. Admit it, it does. And the second would be, it's expensive and it goes bad quickly. When I buy tons of fruit and veggies - I have to admit that most of it ends up in the garbage because I don't have time to do all that prep work to eat it everyday.
BUT.... I think that the main reason that I choose to eat whatever I want is because THAT is my luxury.
My husband and I make a basic salary. We aren't in the poor house at all, but we certainly aren't in a mansion in any way. We have to save up to buy stuff and we have debt from back when we were single that we are still paying off. We have a regular tv, we don't even have a stereo, we have a regular computer, and regular furniture that we got on sales or clearance or for free. I don't have fancy clothes and I don't get my nails done. I dye my own hair and get most of the work clothes I have from Wal Mart or occasionally Target (although their womans section is getting very very sad and I hardly ever get anything from there anymore).
So what CAN I get that makes me feel good and is a luxury for me? Food.
I can go out right this minute and get whatever kind of food I want from where ever I want and I can afford it. I can get fried chicken, or chinese, or a burger, or whatever I want! And not only that, someone will cook it for me and do the clean up! Or like last night, I was really in the mood for chicken alfredo. I like to cook and I'm pretty good at it, so I stopped at the store, had a fun shopping trip with my daughter as she ate a free cookie from the bakery and we pointed out things on the shelves and tried to say things like 'eggs' and 'cheese'. And when I got home I mad a FANTASTIC pasta meal for me and my husband which we really enjoyed.
I think what is the hardest for me when I try to eat healthy is that it feels like I'm giving up the last part of my life that isn't....lemme think....comprimised I guess? I can't have a new car - okay, so I will settle for a used mini van. I can't have my nails done every two weeks - okay, so I will either cut them short or do them myself. I can't have designer handbags and fancy clothes - okay, so I will try to find something good at TJ Max or Marshalls. But food! Now that's one thing that is CHEAP and GOOD and easy to get. I may not be able to get a fantastic purse, but I can get unbelievable cheese rolls and pad thai at my favorite resturant. Or I can't get a new hybrid, but I can get a oh so yummy philly cheese steak with fries right outside my office!
I guess it feels like when you take away my food, you take away my last fun thing. It's like if I can keep this ONE thing it will be okay! You can take away everything else! Just let me keep this one thing!
I know it seems dramatic, and I'm not saying that the rest of my life is in the crapper or anything like that. But I think that it's just human nature to want fun, nice, enjoyable things - and let's just admit it, oat bran and the like, are just not them. Oh well.... ;)
So last night we did our tape again. it's okay - I hate to say it but you don't really realize just how out of shape you are until you try to do something that you think your body should be able to handle.
i don't mean the cardio part - I know that I can't go out and run three miles like it was nothing and it will take a while to work up to that. What I'm talking about is not being able to do a lot of the moves and bouncing stuff because my balance is bad and my ankles and knees can't handle it. Or I can't stretch far enough in a different direction. I was telling Terry that while I was working out and pausing to stretch (bending over, feet spread, hands on the floor) I could feel the bones in my spine pulling father apart. Not in a bad way, like the way you crack your knuckles or your back. It was weird though - not cracking, it felt good like the bones were too smashed together and I was pulling back out or something.
My weight isn't really going down as fast as Terry - but thats probably because I've been doing stuff like eat those chips the other day and today somehow an egg roll ended up on my plate next to my grilled chicken sandwich. Ugh.
So we TaeBo-ed our butts off last night and I was all excited about weighing myself this morning....
249!!! What the hell!? I'm up 3 pounds?!
I was pretty pissed, BUT then I remembered that when I stopped at the gas station last night I had an impulse buy of Friday's Potato Skins by the register. And they are those EVIL EVIL bags that don't look the same size as regular size bag, but yeah....I basically ate a whole bag of potato chips.
Um yeah. Just the salt alone would have made me go up that much.
Both Terry and I managed to at LEAST stay moving for the whole hour of "TaeBo II - Get Ripped!". Which is cool enough, but the fact that it was actually an advanced tape and we got through it deserves an extra high five. :)
It was definitly hard, but while we were going it took me back to my "7 day a week gym and runner" days. When I was single and living by myself I would go to the gym for about an hour and a half every day after work and run on the weekends. But when I found the kickboxing class I really loved it. It was HARD, but nothing kicked my butt more and I lost 40 pounds in 3 months when I was doing that class 3 times a week.
It was a fun class though and I always felt better when I was done. It works and tones EVERY muscle in your body, and you feel like you can really kick ass once you get the hang of it. It was nice too because Terry and I can do it together and it's not a boy/girl workout. I don't feel like I am trying to be a boxer and Terry doesn't feel like he's doing Jazzercize.
Okay - I'm tired!! We are going to bed and watch CNN for a while and see how the primaries are doing. GO OBAMA! :)
I know that it's not much to look at, but Terry and I spent about 3 hours today sorting and cleaning the garage (some of which had to go up a ladder into the attic) so that we can start Tae-Bo-ing together at night. Although after all that hard work I doubt we will do it tonight.
We have almost got the whole room cleaned out. Most of the stuff back by the door is going out with the garbage tomorrow. So tomorrow night - KICK! PUNCH! HIII-YAAAA! :)
So this weekend was nice. We spent Friday night and Saturday morning cleaning every bit of the house because we were having company. We met some of our friends (2 couples and their combined total of 3 kids - so 7 people) out at the national seashore, which is a fantastic beach because it's a national park. The sand is really clean and the dunes are still in tact - most of it is a nature preserve.
We stayed on the beach for about 2 or 3 hours and then came back to our house for dinner. We had a lot of chips and dip (BAD!) and a lasagna with salad for dinner. The kids ran around like crazy and we played some games. Some of our friends stayed overnight and we all slept in this morning and had pancakes. After everyone left we took some much needed naps and chilled out in our nice and clean house for the rest of the day. It was a nice weekend. I just wish it could have seemed a little longer.
I did go to Wal-Mart earlier tonight and I got us a cheap (well, not that cheap - $69) VHS/DVD player (apparently you can't buy just a VHS player anymore!) so my hubby and I can start doing Tae-Bo in the garage. I got it all hooked up out there and while we watched the tape (so he could know what he was up against) we started cleaning up the garage and moving stuff around so we don't end up kicking anything and we could both work out at the same time. Harper also thought it was pretty funny to be out there with us in her exersaucer bouncing around like the people on TV. Most likely we will put her pack and play in the doorway and she can laugh at us and our fake karate. :)
Hopefully by tomorrow we will have enough space cleared out to try it out! :)
I've always loved this movie. I can remember seeing it for the first time when I was about 13 at a friends house and just bawling my eyes out. I have it at home somewhere on VHS - but I haven't watched it in forever.
Well, today at work I was flipping through channels to have on while I'm working (I'm lucky, I have a TV in my office for 'research') and it was on TBS. I thought, "Great, this will pass some time!" Apparently things have changed in my life since the last time I saw this movie....
It's always been sad - but now I can even relate to it. This nice girl gets married, has a baby, and basically just tries to live her life normally with diabetes. She eventually gets too sick from it and goes into a coma and dies - leaving behind her husband, family, friends, and little 16 month old son. That just hit a little too close to home with me and ended up in my little room bawling my eyes out, and praying none of the guys who work here came in right then.
When I think about getting diabetes, my mind kinda goes on auto pilot and tries to lean towards things like how people can live with it, control it, and how tons of people have it and don't even know about it. Pretty much everything but the fact that you can really, truly die from it.
I don't know how horrible that would be for my family. What would Terry do with the baby all by himself? I know that he could do it, but it would be so hard for him. We have insurance and all that - but from the times that one of us have stayed somewhere overnight or were out really late, it's mentally and physically draining to do it by yourself. Besides the fact of losing your best friend, how would you tell Harper about her mom when she grows up and can't remember her at all?
It's one thing to live your life in fear that you are going to die any minute in a car crash or some accident - but to put yourself in harms way, just seems selfish and greedy. When you could prevent it - why would you choose to put everyone (including what you yourself have to lose) through that?
