OMG!!! It's working again

Finally, looks like I am back on track.  After being at an all time low this time last week, then managing to find the willpower to get back on track, it feels like it has paid off.  

Tuesday is weigh-in day and as I stepped on the scales with my eyes closed, dreading what my leader will say....I always know when I have done well because she needs to count the lose on her fingers ... so six and a half pounds down, to say I am happy is a major understatement.  I am absolutely over the moon.

So what did I do this week.  I went back to basics, I did a tracker again, even though I am on core and not counting points, it really helped.  I planned my menus for the next couple of weeks so I won't get home and wonder...mmm what can I have for dinner. 

I am going to try to make one change each week, no matter how small.  Need to put some thought into this and see how it goes.

Rach

Maybe its the weather

Well if it is I'm going to have to move, because I live in Scotland and there's more bad weather than good.

So yesterday started out well, I was happy, postive and upbeat.  This actually means that I was in control freak mode - I had made up my menu plans for the next three weeks, started final plans for my vacation...which is in 27 days!!!  My housework was done.  Life was good, well at least on an even keel!

At 5pm I decided to go to the local store to pick up a newspaper, I got the newspaper but also, a chocolate bar and 4 cup cakes!!!  By the time I reached my front door I had already eaten the chocolate bar and was trying to figure how I was going to get the cakes into the house without the plastic rustling.  As I put my key in the lock it hit me, What the heck was I doing?  Why had I done this? I walked into the house, through to the kitchen and dumped the cakes in the bin!!! Although talk about throwing money in the bin!

The silver lining to this little cloud, is that (1) I only bought one chocolate bar and 4 cakes, normally it is a carrier bag of junk food, and (2) I had stopped myself in my tracks....well after I had literally inhaled the chocolate bar. 

OK now the disgusting confession, at 11pm I was in the kitchen and the thought crossed my mind that I could always take the cakes out of the bin, afterall they were sealed in there plastic wrap....I didn't do it I hasten to add.

For the last 2 months this has been my life, smuggling junk food into the house and secretly binging.  I always thought it was my emotions that ruled my eating habits but clearly not, yesterday was a good day!  I wasn't bored, lonely or unhappy.

So why the destructive behaviour?  I just don't know?  Do I really have a devil and an angel on my shoulders whispering in my ears?

But all is not lost, my little moment of insanity hasn't undone the good work this week, altough I have to but it behind me and move on. 

Rach

So I am finally ready to tell my story

So what happened 9 months ago?

It is a little longer than 9 months ago, but without going into any great detail.  I met someone who although we don't have a close friendship, finally made me understand that I wasn't "the only one". 

When you have weight/body issues you think no one will understand, that you are the only one, no one else does what you do.  Well he showed me that it's not just me, I'm no alone, and if you find the right people, there are people who understand.  His contribution to saving my life, melodramatic...no! If I kept on going the way I was with food, I would have died), well his contribution was helping me get an appointment with a Professor at a weight loss clinic. 

So nine months (2nd November 2007) and I am sitting in the waiting room, at the clinic dreading my name being called.  It is, and the nurse takes me through to get weighed....I step on my scales and Oh My God, I'm 23stone and 10lbs (332lbs)...I nearly cried....my BMI was 53.5.  My maintained weight was 21st 13lbs...always seemed to bounce back to 21:13...what happened1

I go back into the waiting room and wait for the Professor, I feel like the kid whose been called to the Principals office, I just want to run away.  He is obviously going to be a skinny, mean doctor who will just tell me to stop eating so much.  He is going to be one of these people who just don't understand!  I couldn't have been more wrong...well he was slim....which I guess is a good thing, wouldn't be good for him to be overweight would it!!

We sit down in his, I hate to say dingy office (that's the NHS for you!), and very quickly my nerves disappear.  We talked about my eating habits, what we can do, personally and medically.  At this stage I wanted to surgery, and if he had said OK lets do it now I would have gone for it, there and then.  Surgery was an option as my BMI was over 50 but the list was currently closed.  My heart sank the desire to sit in a room with a carrier bag of crisps, chocolate, biscuits and cake was overwhelming I was devastated, and the stubborn streak set in. 

He suggests a high protein diet but I really don't want to go on any faddy diet.  I tell him I will do Weightwatchers, it had worked in the past; he says that he will see my in 3 months and we will take it from there.

Guess what...on my way home I bought the bag of chocolate, crisps, biscuits and cake...and I ate it, feeling sorry for myself.  Annoyed that he didn't offer to put in a gastric band there and then. 

For the next month I ate and drank what I wanted and stayed as far far away from the scales. 

In December I went with my Dad to Prague for his birthday.  I was miserable other than a very uncomfortable 4 hour bus trip from Aberdeen to Glasgow (my arse was too big for the seat), and then the indignity of having to ask for an extender belt on the plane, I was unable to walk very far because my excess weight had been playing havoc with my bad back!.  Looking back that was it, that was when I decided to do something.

I got home and decided that I would start Weightwatchers in the New Year; well I wanted to have a nice Christmas!

Which I did, on the 9th of January 2008 I went back to Weightwatchers and said hello to Jackie my Weightwatchers Leader (again), stepped on the scales and Oh My God....the scales read 21st 13lbs!  How could that be...maybe their scales don't go up to 22st!  I think I literally skipped off the scales...