where does time go?

I feel like my life is flying by, and fast. How is it September 24th already?! I'm having some test anxiety...

Otherwise, I'm feeling pretty good despite some slow weight loss. I feel healthier and I think that the feeling compensates for the bad feeling I get when I look at the scale and see only small drops.

I had strawberries for breakfast. Yum. I am in fruit heaven. I've gotten back into drinking juice too, which is odd for me. I was stuck in the low-carb juice=bad mentality for awhile, a result of the attempt at low-carbing a few years ago. It's better to rely on water to save calories for food that will fill you up. But still, juice = not evil. I've managed to not lose any more stuff in exercise machines. I feel proud-ish.

I come across as very with ADD today. Hmmm....

time to update!

The plan has been going well. Day two I had a great healthy dinner with my best friend (who is also trying to lose weight). There were lots of laughs because we both wanted dessert and none of the desserts there were diet friendly (no surprise there) so we pretended the water was dessert and we drew dessert on napkins. We were acting like silly children but by the time we were done the cravings had subsided. The next day was my first real challenge. Lunch with the family and some of the extended family. Lunch I had to contribute to ( I made pasta with vodka sauce... not so diet friendly). It was a pot luck type deal which made for an odd mix of food- pasta, hummus, spicy chicken, salad, rice, chicken with vegetables. I did well. Family gatherings usually equal overindulgence but I showed myself they don't have to.

Things have been good on the exercise front as well. Nothing exciting to report there. Well, I did lose my keys in the stairmaster. I kid not. I tried to place them on top but before I knew it they fell into the hole that the pedals come out of. Whoops. It look some effort and help from the security guard (I work out at my apartment gym) to get my keys back. Sheesh. Who loses keys in a stairmaster? The oddest things happen to me!

attempt at introspection

September 1st. New month, new beginning. New pear? I don't know that yet. I can't say that all my temptations to sabotage my attemps will never appear again, because I know that not to be true. Naturally there will be times I do not feel as dedicated as I do now. How to deal with those times? I'm not quite sure of that yet either but for the sake of my sanity and self-acceptance I will say it shouldn't...can't have anything to do with going off the wagon.

I'm not sure I'm concerned about numbers anymore. Who am I kidding? Of course I am on some level. It would be more appropriate to say I'm less concerned with them. I'm concerned with feelings. I know how it is to feel good about what I am doing and how my body is looking and I would like to be there. So although my goal has to be set as a number, I want so much more than that. What I seek most? Control.

Before starting this new journey I guess it would be good to reflect on my last attempt. When critiquing it is good to start with a few positives, right? So I will. Because I did the Biggest Loser DVD and the treadmill workout found on Marie Claire, I have acheived an overall noticably better level of fitness. My self-control, although it is not where it needs to be in the long run, has improved. Food has lasted longer around here. Here come the negatives. First, my attempts to fool myself. My attempts to justify actions I knew to be bad for me. Second, my attempts to deal with deep stuff going on my life by joking around or undermining how I felt about it. Thirdly and most obvious, self-sabotage. Working hard and undoing it. Losing and regaining to ultimately reflect a 7.5 pound loss over 6 months when clearly much more was going on than that.  I can't count the pounds lost and regained, but the number is not near 7.5.

Quite honestly I am not comfortable with the person I am now. By nature I tend to be extremely self-conscious and self-critical. While I don't believe that it is impossible to lose and maintain weight with those characteristics I think that it would make a big difference if I invest some time in working on that.

On a separate and much lighter note, Quaker weight-control oatmeal is extremely filling. I highly recommend it for those who have trouble with pre-lunch snacking.

Best luck and wishes to all.